NateJames
Hello all.

My name is Nathan. Yesterday my 15 year old boy Jack was put to sleep. I knew the day was coming.. as his health had been declining for a while. It just hadn't really.. sunk in until it was too late.

Jack passed away very quickly. I imagined that I would have chance to tell him what a good boy he was, and I love him so much, that we would miss him.. but it all seemed to happen so fast, that just as I told him I love him.. he had gone.

Today I've woken up, started to get ready for work - and I can't help but feel so much regret and guilt.
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KarenG
Nate,

I'm so so sorry for your loss of Jack. Its very difficult to have to be the one to make that decision but You did the most loving thing for Jack by ending his suffering.

I experienced this as well with my 15 year old border collie about 3 weeks ago.. It was so difficult ...the pain and grief are easing some but i still miss her and still replay those last moments with her. I too was surprised how quick it went and wanted to say more to her.

Im sure both Jack and Katie knew how much we loved them though.

((((Hugs))))


Karen
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_DeborahN1104
Jack knew you did the best you could for him. You can still talk to him now, he hears you and loves you just like he always did!
Deborah
Shelby's Mommy

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DieselDaddy
Nathan.....

Sorry your lost your buddy Jack....I'm not gonna lie...it's gonna get worse before it gets better. 

I lost my boy Diesel way back in April and I still miss him.  However.....Time is your friend......the days of misery and grief will eventually be replaced by happy memories of your buddy.

You will eventually get to a better place in your heart........so just hang in there.........and know that your buddy Jack, is back to his old healthy self and will be waiting for you at the bridge....
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ddp
Hi Nathan,

So sorry to hear about Jack.  The loss of cherished pet is always hard, no matter how many time you experience it.  I lost my Max 3 weeks ago. Max was a 80 lb rescue mutt and we had been together for over 10 years. His death was sudden and unexpected.  I have gone over his last month, week and day in my mind a million times trying to figure out what I missed. Max was a house dog, he slept on the foot of my bed, we had breakfast together every morning and dinner together every night.  Max died 5 hours after getting him to the vet.  It's been 3 weeks and I was doing pretty good until, while  trimming shuddery in the back yard, I found toys and chew bones that max had hidden and buried in various place (hiding them from my daughters dogs).  I came completely unglued.  It was only after several friends prayed for and with and during that prayer when my eyes are closed I had the image of Max and Cheech (another dog that I lost 4 years ago (he was 12) on the other side of the rainbow bridge looking back at me.  It was like they were telling me that they were ok.  For the first time in 3 weeks I know I will be ok.  I've had my doubts about my recovery over the past 3 weeks. I have pretty much felt like I was walking around in a fog for 3 weeks.  Praying that I wouldn't need to make any major decisions at work. When I sucked it down and kept myself from crying in the day, I would unconsciously cry in my sleep and wake up looking like I had been in a fight ;-  It's been a tough 3 weeks and only in the past week have I begun to feel even close to myself.  This is a tough emotional roller coaster ride, but I promise it will get better.

Denise

DDP
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camunki
hi Nathan, sorry about your Jack, I think we all dread that day when we know our pets health is declining and we just never know how much time we have left with them. You were with him til the end telling him how much you love him and he knows that. The next few weeks will be by far the hardest. I was numb for 3 days and did not go to work....but eventually i did have to return to work. I still cried every day as i walked my other pets in the woods, that is where i found my solace and knew that i could cry, talk and do whatever i had to outside in nature. Please know you are not alone & keep coming back and posting it does help.

Cam


 
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Cath_01
Hi Nathan.

I also felt that guilt. It's a tremendous decision to make on our dog's behalf. I felt on some level, "Who am I to play 'God'?"

I put my old dog down 3 months ago. The rational part of me knows she was suffering and was no longer "herself." I wondered about my guilt because I wasn't hearing people say they felt that, too.

I just didn't want to say goodbye. Period. Ever. Making the decision was right, but felt "wrong" at the same time. I think it was because I just loved her on every level of my being! It would somehow never feel right to let her go - and have it be my decision. I don't know if sharing this helps, but either way, I feel deeply for your pain. Lord knows, I feel so much of my own.

Cath_01
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summerwind4
Nate,
Feeling guilt is hard enough, and i am so sorry for your loss, but you had 15 years with Jack........we all wished we had more time........it's really cruel that our furbabies live such short lives.
I know you feel guilt, but you did the right thing by not allowing Jack to suffer.

-michael
Zoey you will always be in Daddies heart
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NateJames
Thank you all for your replies. It means alot too me. Jack came back from the crematorium today, and is sitting in his little wood box, overlooking the back garden. It makes me sad to think that almost a week ago, he was sleeping on my lap.. and now..

Today my family are having dinner together (doesn't happen often), as we are all finding his passing very hard. But atleast he's back where he belongs.
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ddp
Hi Nathan,

I am glad that you have finally gotten Jack back home and if this brings you greater peace it is a good thing.  Family support is very important during the grieving process.  I have been lucky to have overwhelming acknowledgment and support from my co-workers. The fact that they don't minimize my pain helps a lot.

I am in week 3 of my loss. Max my 80 lb mutt died suddenly.  He was fine one day and the next day he was a little out of sorts and I took him to the vet as a precaution.  5 hours later he was gone.  

I have spent the past 3 weeks muscling thru life. Dragging myself out of bed and trying to get through my day. Brain fogged over and unable to focus. I was having problems sleeping and eating. I knew I was depressed and even considered talking to my doctor about anti depressants.

Last week I had a vision of Max my sweetie and Cheech (another dog who passed 4 years ago) standing on the other side of a bridge together looking straight and me, straight into my eyes.  I told Max that he no longer needed to protect me that he should go off and have fun……I saw peace in those beautiful brown eyes. That moment and seeing the peace in his eyes have brought me peace.

For the first time in three weeks last night I slept.  For the first time in 3 weeks I ate food and enjoyed it instead of eating to just survive. For the first time in 3 weeks someone told me today that it was nice to see me smile again.
(I was born smiling).  I know that I have not arrived yet.  I know that I have passed through one gate of acceptance and that now my heart can actually begin the process of healing.
I am writing this to encourage you. To let you know that there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel that we are walking through.  One day, you won't have to pretend that you are ok……you will actually BE ok.

Praying for you
DDP
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MySweetSammie
I am sorry for the loss of your Jack. I know the feeling of regret and my decision was just made last night. I didn't know what to do and when I finally agreed to put my sweet Sammie to sleep, I had second thoughts once they took me back and I saw him. The first time I went back, he was barely moving and had his eyes closed. After more tests and getting the hard reality, they took me back and there he was wide eyed and looking at me, but still not able to get up. I wanted to believe so badly that he could make it through. I wanted the doctor to look at me and say I was right, he was looking better by some miracle and we should chance surgery because he was suddenly strong enough   I sobbed and kissed him, begged him to tell me what to do, said I couldn't do it, but then he cried out loud to the doctor and she told me he was in a lot of discomfort, as he started to close his eyes again. I knew what I had to do, but how could I do that to my baby?  The regret is eating me up even though I am grateful for having been able to hold him, talk to him, and kiss him before he was gone. Yesterday morning he was healthy and laying on the pillow next to me, a few short hours later he was in critical condition, a few hours after that he was gone. I dread the day they call me to tell me his ashes are ready because I don't know if I am strong enough to pick up my baby in a little box. I wanted to be carrying him out of there back to a long healthy life that was unexpectedly cut short. At this time last night, I was walking out of there without my sweet Sammie. It doesn't feel real and I miss him so much. I have found comfort tonight in this forum, knowing that others feel my pain, that someone else can truly understand the broken heart I feel right now, and that someday happiness will be felt again even if it is a long road to find it again. I hope that it has been the same for you.
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