Calif_Cat_Lady
Three months have passed already, since little Mardi Gras slipped away from me.  Three months after I lost her, I still miss her terribly, and I encounter reminders everywhere.  Today is the great celebration of Mardi Gras in New Orleans and many other places, and in the past I always considered it a time to celebrate and make some of the delectable foods of that part of the world.  This year, not so much.

Mardi Gras was the best little girl... she put up with so much poking and prodding, chemotherapy and surgery, pills and needles, and ultimately, even force feeding.  Sometimes I wonder whether it was unfair of me to keep up the battle (against injection site sarcoma) as long as we did.  In retrospect, I realize that I was in denial, holding out the hope of a miracle that never came.  But even on her last day, she was affectionate and sweet.

I wondered how things would be with my other two cats, who are big and healthy, and rambunctious.  It took a little while, but their behavior has changed and they are now likely to want to spend long stretches on my lap, something that never happened before Mardi Gras left us.  Patches, the skittish feral, even sleeps on my bed right next to my pillow.  Of course I love them, but it's not the same.  In time, perhaps I will grow to love them as much as I did Mardi Gras. 

What is it about some furbabies that makes them so special to us?  Their innocence, the fact that they need us?  The special look in their eyes that somehow communicates more than words can? 

This forum has been a great comfort to me, as I know it is to many others.  Thanks to all who administer and contribute words of comfort and wisdom.  I haven't posted a lot, but I've visited often, and found it to be a beautiful place. 
Love My Feline Friends
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jaschutz
It has been two months since I lost my dog, London, and I know how you feel. Time passes but we still hurt and we still miss them. I often think that for a lot of people, we will have that one special pet with whom we share such a bond and connection that words just can't describe. Not to say that we don't love our pets that come before or after them. But there are just those ones that stand out, that we feel like we share the same soul and thoughts with. And when we lose them, no words can justify the amount of pain and emptiness we feel without them. That is what I had with London. And I'm sure what you had with Mardi Gras. I had a dog before London who I loved very much and when we lost her it was painful, but nothing compared to losing London. Sometimes I think we are matched up with these special creatures and often they are the same person as we are. We share the same feelings, fears, hopes, etc. Some of us are meant to have multiple of these "special pets" but some of us just experience one in our life. I often feel like London was my "one" and I will never experience that again. It is sad to realize that fact but at the same time I think we should feel so happy and incredibly grateful that we were lucky enough to experience such a friendship. It is definitely so hard to learn to live life without them.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
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Mistysmama
Oh poor little Mardi Gras. I am sorry she had such a rough time. You tried to do your best for her, and it's good that you did. If you hadn't, you would have been so upset about not trying, for her sake -for her hope of life.

My girl (Misty dog) went through it a bit too towards the end. Two operations, an x-ray and too many pokings and proddings. She hated and feared going to the vet.

What touched me was your sweet girl was so patient and good through it all. I think they sense we are trying to help them, even though they don't like the procedures, the vets....etc.

You will love the others but in completely different ways. No-one will be the same as your dearest Mardi Gras. I am looking after a little cat now, and have a lot of affection for her, and care about her of course. But there is no-one who completely occupies that special place in my heart where Misty will always live. It is our secret sacred space.

It's good to see the feral now trusts enough to come in and be near you. Listen to him. He may have much comfort to offer you in your pain.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Dalidog
So sorry for the loss of your Mardi Gras.  Some pets come to us at a special time of need or just ARE a part of us for reasons we don't know yet.  Your Mardi Gras loved you unconditionally and knows you did everything out of love.  It is so hard to lose one, the grief, the guilt, the sadness, the emptiness...no matter how they pass or how old they are.  I know your feelings.  And your other furbabies have to learn a new way of living.  I lost my Dali on 9/27/2014 and my whole life has been different.  Her sister dog and nephew dog act totally different now.  They know my grief and sadness and are learning to handle it.   I think that unconditional love and companionship we have, and sometimes that special bond, make that one cat/dog/pet just different.  We love them all, no doubt, but I understand exactly what you mean.  Hugs to you.  I wouldn't say it gets easier, it just gets that you accept it more, if that is possible.  Hugs to you and Mardi Gras from me and Dali

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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animal_qwackers
I remember commenting on your posts about your beautifully sweet Mardi Gras. It is good to hear from you again, and to know that Mardi Gras has never left your thoughts or your heart. She never will. Your are right, this is a beautiful place to visit with an outpouring of our hearts.

I hope that as time passes you feel less pain over your loss. I know the pain through losing my beautiful boys Gonzo, and Solly last year. I still feel such raw grief because we had to say farewell. I know I will never forget them, they walk beside me every day, and hope that as time marches on, that rawness will pass. The grief never leaves us, we simply learn to accept, and cope.

Hugs to you and your darling Mardi Gras from me and mine.

Wendy

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Calif_Cat_Lady
Thanks to all of you who commented and for sharing your own experience and expressing commiseration.  I had a special ceramic urn made for Mardi Gras with her photo and name on it, and ironically, had it sealed on the very day of Mardi Gras.  There is also a tiny urn-locket next to my heart with just a smidgeon of her ashes.  I am comforted by the fact that I can keep her warm, as I keep the locket inside my shirt. 

As much as we are all heartbroken in our loss, we are also so fortunate, because we have been able to bond with our furbabies.  I believe that makes us more sensitive to all of nature, and more caring to those who suffer, whether human or animal.  I've always thought that we have to experience the lows in order to have the highs.  I would not give up one moment of my experience with Mardi Gras, to avoid the pain and loss I feel now.

Karen
Love My Feline Friends
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Katel
Sending you warm thoughts of healing in its own time, and I am sure your lovely little mardi Gras
is playing with my Rudi cat in some sunny green meadow. 

I don't think the hurt ever goes but we do learn to live with it though we change somehow.

The little urn locket sounds delightful and I have thought myself of getting one.  I have lost 4 furry ones in the last 3 years and often the pain gets me in its grip. 

Hugs
Kate 
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