tikibarb
I am starting this thread as a place for those who are experiencing a re-lapse in grief to post and somehow find some relief.  Won't you tell us about your precious babies?  It definitely helps to talk and get all of your thoughts off your chest.  I know we all go through the process of grief at different paces and we need support through the process and beyond. 
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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tikibarb
I seem to have filled up the alloted space on Ted's page so I have decided to start a diary of sorts.  I am going to call it Letters to Ted.  I now that it helps me to be able to write and talk to him.
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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judylinn

both of those ideas are great Barb.  Judy

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tikibarb
You Ok tonight Judy?
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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TootiesGuardian
Thank you tikibarb,

This is so sweet of you, and as you know, much needed tonight.  After my brave speech today about taking comfort in precious memories of our babies and striving to move forward, I feel like a complete phony.  I'm having a terrible relapse tonight.  It will be 3 weeks since my girl's been gone from me.  And I'm hurting so bad right now from not having her with me.  I read a friends sweet residency to her beloved pet and that was my undoing.  The love she had for her baby was so beautiful, it brought to mind the love I had for my girl and the dam broke for me.  I can't stop the tears tonight. 

As I've read in other's posts, this is very likely to happen.  Good days then the horrible days hit.  I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking, "just wait and see."  Oh Lord.  I'm seeing tonight. 

I do stand by my post about coping bravely and moving forward, as I know it's true, but tonight, apparently, is my relapse night. 

I know there's those of you that have been in my shoes.  Boy, are they horrible shoes to wear.

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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always_tuffy
COUNT ME IN TOO

Last night I was feeling pretty good.  Had read several articles regarding loss etc.  Was so glad for the insights I gained.  Couldn't wait to share with ya'll today.  Then I woke up about  4a.m. to the sounds of a good ole Oklahoma rainstorm.  At first it was peaceful, but not for long.  That's when my rainstorm began.  From no where the tears came like rivers. That's when the first worst thought entered my mind (Tuffy is buried in our backyard, you can guess where this is going). Suddenly, I realized he was all alone out there with the rain pouring down.  He was going to get soaked, and there was nothing I could do. 

I'll spare you all more details.  I'm  sure the picture is far to vivid.  Next the sobs came in waves.  I was trying hard to be quite and not wake up my husband.

So yeah, my day was about missing him and all that goes with it.

I did have a beautiful experience today, a true gift.  All day I've wanted to tell you friends, but my fingers refused to type joyfully.

So thanks Barb, your thoughtfulness has brought me out of my "grief shelter"

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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donnalee
Sherry,
3 weeks is not much time!  This is not a quick thing.  It takes time to heal.  I think what you are experiencing is normal and to be expected.  You certainly don't have to put on a brave face for us here.  You are so right, we have to keep making an effort to cope and move forward but we also have to grieve.   Yeah, one little thing can open the floodgates again....you never know what will do it.  You are doing great and we are here for you, good and bad days. 

Regina,
It is amazing how our mind can get carried away, isn't it?  Especially at night, for some reason. sorry you had such a tough time.  I'm glad the daylight hours were better.

I'm grateful to tikibarb for sensing the need and opening this thread.  I'm not sure if I should have responded on this thread, though.  It might be just for posting your feelings when you are having a relapse.  If so, tikibarb, it won't hurt my feelings if you let me know that! 
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jasminesmom
Every time I go to post a reply to help comfort someone through their loss, I break down and I just can't finish it. It's been over a year since losing my Jasmine and the pain is still vivid of her last days with me. And I don't understand. Maybe it's the worry of getting Stella through this trying time. Poor thing, she can't even have chews I bought for her teeth, she is still eating SD z/d which is 78% water and chicken liver pate. He's now saying maybe she can have a chew for Christmas.
But I do know that comforting others has been helpful until now. I will try and do better.
Thanks for the thread Barb

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
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tikibarb
I posted this thread because I had a friend in need.  Everyone is welcome to post whatever thoughts they have...The point was to get people talking!  We all have our good days and bad days.  The bad days seem to overshadow the good days sometimes.  I know everyone goes through it differently.  I just wanted to help my friend get some perspective...I hope it worked!
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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TootiesGuardian
Thank you tikibarb.  You have helped.  You're wonderful.  This morning I still am aching with grief, but it's not as bad as last night.  Last night it hurt as bad as when I lost my babydoll, my Tootie.  I know it will take some time to heal.  And I have been pushing myself too hard.  I have to be strong to take care of my kids and go on with daily life.  Yet, I became as weak as a baby last night.  The pain was so intense.  I sure appreciate your thoughtfulness in creating this thread.  Thank you for being there for me.

Thank you Donnalee.  I know I shouldn't expect myself to be a tower of strength all the time.  Thank you so much for understanding and being there for me.

Thank you Regina.  You have given me many smiles from reading your brilliant writing.  Thank you for understanding my grief.  I'm so sorry you had a bad night too.  It's pouring down rain here in Texas right now.  I'll be glad when the sun comes back...in more ways than one!

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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jen2010

l thought l was doing so well  and today l had a complete breakdown  and have not stopped crying all day . l was out shopping just a normal day and l ran into bubby's groomer  and she asked hows bubby l could feel the tears  well up and  l compossed myself  and told her bubby passed away , she was very sympathetic , l was trying to rush out of the shopping centre l got to my car and broke down l feel like such an idiot crying in a parking lot at the shopping centre.

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tikibarb
I know the feeling.  We all have a story about breaking down somewhere totally inappropriate. It is totally normal.  I have had to head for the car on more than one occasion.  Once I was late for a Dr. appt. and started crying in the reception area.  They certainly must have thought I was nuts!  You aren't alone! 
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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GrievingGinger
haha I've done that plenty of times! Sometimes I even thought I was nuts :) Oh well, let the tears come as they may! Those who care will understand, those who don't you shouldnt care about anyways :)
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TootiesGuardian
Jen,

You and me both today.  Fortunately my crying jags have been at home today.  I miss my girl so much today. I thought I was going to have my husband crying again, but he stays strong for me.

I'm so sorry you're having a bad day today too.  I have been coping ok too, then out of the blue the grief comes back on me again.  I think I was in a state of denial at first after the first terrible pain from losing my girl.  Then the denial set in.  Then the reality came crashing back down.  Oh man was it tough on me all over again.  And then there's today to contend with.  Bless your heart too.

Hugs to you Jen! 

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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donnalee
Jen,
I don't know if you are like me but I'm pretty much OK until I run into somebody that knew Scottie AND I haven't seen this person since he passed away.  Then, we are forced to have that initial conversation about his death.  I don't know why but when I run into those people, I start crying as soon as his name comes up.  It's almost like having to go back to when it happened.....I don't really know.
Sometimes, I think I'm a little nutty.  Today, a student came into my office to pick up something.  She saw a picture of Scottie and his sister when they were little puppies (the sister was with my mother-in-law at the time).  So, she asked if they were my puppies.  So, I started talking to her about Scottie when he was a puppy, and then come over here so I can show you these pictures of when he was a grown-up dog, and then come over here so I can show you this chalk portrait of him that one of our 7 yr old students drew of him, and then I could feel it in my throat....I couldn't get the words out that he had died.  I knew if I said anything else, tears were coming.  As I type this now, tears are coming, and I really don't know why, except that, as we all do, I still love him and really miss him so much.  At times, I can talk about it with no problem.  Other times, the tears just leak out and it isn't even a bad day.   Anyway, I think we all share in this experience. 

Sherry,
I am so sorry you've had such a bad day.  You are so right, it can come out of the blue.   I guess it is all part of the healing.  I think it really does take a while for reality to set in.  I'm glad you have a good husband who is sensitive to you.  I'm hoping for you to have a better day tomorrow.  Thinking of you.
Donna Lee
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