Darleen
Sambucca, it has been 10 days since you crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  I am looking at the paw prints we received from the vet yesterday.  I am so hurting and crying.  You were only 5.  I wish I knew why you were inflicted with renal disease.  At first they thought Lyme, but even though you tested positive, you didn't present with the typical other symptoms.  We did everything we could, from trying to change your diet to the final days of placing you in a veterinary hosp. for days of IV fluid to possible clean out some of the toxins.  You were so sick you wouldn't eat anything, no matter what we tried.  We made the decision to bring you home for your last day and you seemed so peaceful.  Your two chihuahua brothers Sunshine and Sterling licked you all over.  We knew you would become uncomfortable soon because you were developing fluid in your lungs.  We had to bring you back that night because your breathing became labored and knew we had to end your discomfort.  I dont think I will ever forget the anguish of that final moment.  Every fiber of my being wanted to yell "STOP".  It has been so unbearable since.

I think of how healthy you were just 2 months ago.  You were the chihuahua I worried least about.  Your older brother Sterling is almost 11 and I see him slowing down.  Your other brother Sunshine who is 10, had a tracheal stent surgery 3 yrs ago for a collapsed trachea.   He was in such respiratory distress as we rushed him to the vet hosp.  He did well for 7 months and then a second longer stent was needed.  Another horrific 20 min. ride to the specialty vet hosp. as he was gasping for breath.  But Sunshine survived and is still doing great.  But I am always guarded with your two older brother's health. 

I watched you chase squirrels (almost catching one)and fetch sticks .  You loved being outside in the snow, leaves, and loved the spring and sunshine.  You pranced around the yard and never wanted to come indoors.  You were always the picture of health until you became finicky with food.  That is when we brought you for tests and found out your prognosis.  I lived in denial but your condition worsened rapidly.  I kept thinking your 5 year old kidneys would some how bounce back and give us a little more time to be together.  As I stare at your picture and paw prints I feel so much grief and pain.  I pray that you will somehow give me a sign you are happy and know how much we love and miss you.  Oh Sambucca I wish I could hold and nuzzle you again and feel you next to me right by my side in bed like you always were.  My heart is broken.  Thank you everyone on this wonderful supportive site for your thoughts and prayers.  







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Bailey15
Hi Darleen,
I am so sorry for your loss! Sambucca sounds like an amazing little friend. From what you have described, it sounds like he had a lot of fun and knew much joy and love in his short life. He was so young - its no wonder you feel so devastated as this would have been the last thing you expected.
I remember getting my dog, Bailey's, paw prints from the vet and somehow it just didn't seem real. I started to keep a Memory box for him and I have his paw prints in it. I also wrote in a journal and I found that helped. I know at this point you are likely still feeling like none of this is real. Try and be kind to yourself as this is such a painful loss. Sending hugs,
MJ
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