oggy22

Hi all,

Hope everyone is ok.

I just wanted to come on here to write down some of the feeling's I've had/got since my pet cat passed away about 5-6 weeks ago now. I'm still devastated :(

My cat was called Smudge, 12 years old and just an amazing cat. I can't get over not being able to see him again and feel guilty for not noticing signs he was ill more quickly. I really hope he wasn't in pain for too long.

A brief background - I didn't live with Smudge as I got him and his brother (who passed away 2 years earlier) when I still lived at home with my Mum. When I got a place of my own it didn't seem right to uproot him as he loved the woods and secluded nature of my mums house. I would obviously visit often and he very much knew he was mine as our bond was always the closest and would look to make a fuss of me just as much as I would of him whenever I called.

So, over the course of a around 2-3 months, when I went round I noticed he was losing a bit of weight and didn't seem to be eating as much as normal. My mum, who saw him everyday would say he had eaten a lot the day before etc and maybe it was his age. After a while I decided it wasn't quite right so we took him to the vets who gave him a check up and said he was good for his age. I was concerned there was something wrong with his teeth as he was drooling quite a bit but the vets said his teeth were fine. Our normal flea treatment at the time didn't seem to be working so we went about that too so we could get a different course of treatment. We explained that he was sitting in an 'awkward' position with his head down as if he couldn't get comfy but we/the vets put it down to being fed up of having fleas which it seemed he had.

If you are still reading this by now. Thank you :)

Early September - I went on holiday. When I came back and went round to my mums I immediately noticed he had lost more weight and again, hadn't eaten so I said I was going to take him to the vets at the weekend. So, as we were showing my mum a few holiday pics, I noticed Smudge didn't look right. I lay with him on the floor when he suddenly started meowing (a crying sort of meow) and looked in discomfort. He was wondering up and down doing this and tbh we all thought he was going to die there and then. We didn't rush him to the emergency vet as we had a bad experience with his brother. After a while he calmed down, ate well and I stayed with him all through the night while he seemed quite relaxed.

Took him to the vets in the morning, was diagnosed with diabetes but they wanted to keep him in. The next day he suddenly had some kind of seizure so the vet called me - worst call I've ever had!! I rushed to see him where he wasn't in a good way. The call was made that the best thing to do was let him go. Absolutely heart-breaking that I couldn't help him and that I won't see him again plus lots of guilt!!  

Thanks for listening

 

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jimmy17
I am so sorry for your loss of Smudge - you obviously had such a close bond with him.   However we lose them, I think most of us here all feel guilt even when its not justified - I know I did when we had to make the decision to have our 17 year old dog Jim put to sleep almost 11 months ago. Knowing that we`ll never see them, or hold them again is devastating, but remember that you gave Smudge a wonderful life, letting him stay with your mum because you knew that was the place he loved - totally putting his needs before your own. That is all we can do as loving owners - putting their care and welfare first all the time.   Grief takes time, as does adjusting to life without that special little friend, but you will get through it, and will be able to remember happier times with Smudge.     Take care,

Jackie
J Taylor
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oggy22
Hi Jackie,

I really appreciate the reply. I hope you are ok after the loss of Jim. No1 can ever take away our memories of them hey.

I just keep thinking could anything have been done. Did I give him enough time to recover from the seizure (if that's what happened) It was all just a blur at the vets and I followed their lead but I really wish I had given him more time to recover. The other thing is that after I had taken him home to bury him in the garden, I went back to visit the spot 2 days later and was so adamant that I heard him meow twice. My family say I was just hearing things as I wanted to hear it so much etc but at the back of my mind is the 'what if' he was still alive and the vets hadn't given him enough to properly put him to sleep for good!! I know it's unlikely but it's at the back of my mind a lot :(
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snakenole
Oh oggy, please know that if you heard him meowing it was just his spirit's way of letting you know he was ok. I'm sure the vets did what they had to do and they make sure that an animal has truly passed. Please don't dwell on this. I really don't think there is any way that was possible.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You followed the vet's advice and he/she would know best. It sounds awful, but one thing to consider is that the vet would rather treat an animal indefinitely than put one to sleep unnecessarily, even if for monetary reasons alone. They are not going to recommend euthanasia unless they think it's absolutely necessary. 

Take care,
Mike

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oggy22
Hi Mike,

Thanks for your message - it's much appreciated. A few people have said the meow could have been a sign etc - I'm not a great believer in all that but then again who knows ay. My partner believes he waited until we got back off holiday for this to happen. Literally to the minute of me coming back to see him it all happened. I could tell in his eyes at the vets as well that he liked the fact I was with him. I hope it gave him comfort in his hour of need.
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Lostwithout1
oggy22,

Your story sounds so similar to mine. I feel like I didn't notice things I should have and what I did notice, I didn't act on.

I'm sorry for your pain. It's so hard. I'm on 29 days and I'm still so sad. But I'm not breaking down off and on all day anymore. Hope you are getting to that point too.
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oggy22
Hi Lostwithout

Thanks for your reply.

6 weeks today for me. I'm bit like you, not the uncontrollable breaking down stage anymore but still so sad about it all and miss him like crazy!

Hope you are ok
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jimmy17
I really think Smudge was giving you a little sign by letting you hear him meow.  My husband was the biggest sceptic ever, but after we lost Jim he distinctly heard him walking on our wooden floor twice - the second time convinced him.   For weeks afterwards we could still smell his little doggy smell - mainly in our bedroom, and what was strange was you could go in the room and smell it, go out and come back in and it would be gone.  It still happens on the odd few occasions, I`ve sort of got used to it now and its comforting to know he`s still "checking in" on us.    It really does sound like Smudge waited for you to return from your holiday, animals are so intuitive - Jim went downhill so fast we had no choice but to have him peacefully put to sleep - it was a Sunday, and coincidentally I had booked the following week off work ( months earlier). It was like he knew I`d be needing time off and chose to leave us on that Sunday.  Take care.

Jackie
J Taylor
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oggy22
Sorry to post again a year on but Smudge has been on my mind a lot recently - dreaming of him etc. Probably due to the fact it's almost a year to the day since I lost him. In fact, he was at the vets a year ago today and was diagnosed with the diabetes - little did I know what was about to happen in the next 24 hours :(

I still feel so sad and guilty a year later - I think about him a lot and would do anything to hold him again and hear his little meow. He's resting in my mums garden now and will have a little chat to him from time to time when I visit. A lot of people won't get that.

Just needed to vent my feelings again

Thanks and hope everyone is ok
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