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SandyMommysBaby

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #1 
I haven't reached out to anyone. Fearing no one can understand. My life My love my Child was euthanised on 31 Dec. I can't breathe. I don't want to be here. I wish I had some of that injection for me. So I could join her.

I watched her last moments. I was strong for her til the end. Until that nod from the vet and I fainted.

I have no words. For how much I miss her. I wake up with a stab in my heart, anothe day without her. I have no point. I'm angry that I loved and she was taken away.

I never saw me without her. She's been with me through everything. She's shown me love and life itself. I miss her smell her warm nuzzling her eyes her happy face her runs - fiesty to the last.

She was not feeling well but gave us a Christmas miracle. No meds, she started eating running playing everything! Like a youthful doggy again. My heart soared and sang. I couldnt be happier. Another miracle. She'd shown us many. And no one could explain it. No spurs or joint problems.

Then it declined two days after. And the decline was rapid. FrOm no eating to then no drinking. She became weak. I helped her to the last even taking her and helping her in the garden.

I wonder. If I held on a little longer, would another miracle have happened? Or was that her last earthly gift for us?

I feel hollow and empty. Pointless. She saved me. Saved my life. She was more of a soul mate. I did the best for her always. She was queen of this house. She's come to me in dreams already. But I miss her in the form that I knew her as sandy.

The hardest part is that, no matter how much I cry, it won't bring her back. The finality I'd heart wrenching.

Please god, remove me from this cruelty. I never thought I'd say goodbye. My life makes no sense. It's surreal. Things don't look as they did.

Sandy mommy loves you and misses you so much.
My baby, the pains have ended, I cant wait to see you again. Thank you for the gift of you.

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Adv2112

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #2 
I am so so sorry no words can Express it. The pain is so real I know. :( again im sorry but please know our fur babies are whole and at peace. I. Must keep telling myself they know we loved them.
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SandyMommysBaby

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you so much Adv2112

The understanding support makes such a difference! And to know I'm not alone in this pain.
Looking where we are - our babies definitely know we love them!
I'm so sorry for your loss 😢

They watching over us. I've woken up and felt sandy next to me.

What is the name of your baby?
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Adv2112

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #4 
Leo. He would've turned 7 this year. Taken from his home way too soon. I tell myself my aunt who passed in April last year needed a sweet cat in heaven because just weeks before he died I had a dream in which she met Leo cat for the first time......my aunt loved cats so much.
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Adv2112

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #5 
Leo cat

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PeanutGarcia

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Posts: 23
Reply with quote  #6 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyMommysBaby
I haven't reached out to anyone. Fearing no one can understand. My life My love my Child was euthanised on 31 Dec. I can't breathe. I don't want to be here. I wish I had some of that injection for me. So I could join her.

I watched her last moments. I was strong for her til the end. Until that nod from the vet and I fainted.

I have no words. For how much I miss her. I wake up with a stab in my heart, anothe day without her. I have no point. I'm angry that I loved and she was taken away.

I never saw me without her. She's been with me through everything. She's shown me love and life itself. I miss her smell her warm nuzzling her eyes her happy face her runs - fiesty to the last.

She was not feeling well but gave us a Christmas miracle. No meds, she started eating running playing everything! Like a youthful doggy again. My heart soared and sang. I couldnt be happier. Another miracle. She'd shown us many. And no one could explain it. No spurs or joint problems.

Then it declined two days after. And the decline was rapid. FrOm no eating to then no drinking. She became weak. I helped her to the last even taking her and helping her in the garden.

I wonder. If I held on a little longer, would another miracle have happened? Or was that her last earthly gift for us?

I feel hollow and empty. Pointless. She saved me. Saved my life. She was more of a soul mate. I did the best for her always. She was queen of this house. She's come to me in dreams already. But I miss her in the form that I knew her as sandy.

The hardest part is that, no matter how much I cry, it won't bring her back. The finality I'd heart wrenching.

Please god, remove me from this cruelty. I never thought I'd say goodbye. My life makes no sense. It's surreal. Things don't look as they did.

Sandy mommy loves you and misses you so much.
My baby, the pains have ended, I cant wait to see you again. Thank you for the gift of you.


I know the feeling of feeling pointless. My girl was my life as well. I also kept yelling that I wish it were me. I would've sustained her injuries if it meant sparing her... I could recover. I could handle it.

I wake up crying still. It's been three weeks and I havent gone more than a few hours without crying. She was my daughter. My friend. My coach. My motivator and my companion.

I am glad to hear I'm not alone. Just knowing that is comforting.
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SandyMommysBaby

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adv2112
Leo cat


That is such a beautiful dream. I'm glad your aunt is with Leo. Such a beautiful kitty I'm sorry for your loss

Sandy has come to me in dreams and visited but I've developed night terrors since and have been struggling. Those moments when she came to me - we were together again.
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SandyMommysBaby

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutGarcia


I know the feeling of feeling pointless. My girl was my life as well. I also kept yelling that I wish it were me. I would've sustained her injuries if it meant sparing her... I could recover. I could handle it.

I wake up crying still. It's been three weeks and I havent gone more than a few hours without crying. She was my daughter. My friend. My coach. My motivator and my companion.

I am glad to hear I'm not alone. Just knowing that is comforting.


I'm glad at least we don't feel alone in this despair.
I thought the same. Give me the hurt and pain - I'll take it for her!! I'll relieve it off her I'll handle it just let her be ok.
There's nothing understandable about grief. Some days I get by and some days I don't see the point of loving if it all ends in this.

You're not alone. I'm in the same boat and we haven't sunk. Sending you love xx
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Adv2112

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyMommysBaby


That is such a beautiful dream. I'm glad your aunt is with Leo. Such a beautiful kitty I'm sorry for your loss

Sandy has come to me in dreams and visited but I've developed night terrors since and have been struggling. Those moments when she came to me - we were together again.


I can't wait to have a peaceful dream again!
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Suze16

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #10 

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Sandy was a beautiful girl. You are not alone in your grief. Some of the things you have expressed mirror my feelings. I came to this forum because there is no one I see on a day-to-day basis that I can open up to about the emotional turmoil I’m feeling. It’s only been 3 weeks since I lost my sweet boy, but I’ve already been told “you gave him a loving home, you did the best you could, you need to move on”.  The tears have eased somewhat, but the pain and emptiness are overwhelming.

I’m still not certain how I managed to get through his final minutes and the goodbye. He was my heart and soul.

Sending love and comfort. xx


__________________

Rest easy, my sweet Max. 2-24-19
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cmgrier

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyMommysBaby
I haven't reached out to anyone. Fearing no one can understand. My life My love my Child was euthanised on 31 Dec. I can't breathe. I don't want to be here. I wish I had some of that injection for me. So I could join her.

I watched her last moments. I was strong for her til the end. Until that nod from the vet and I fainted.

I have no words. For how much I miss her. I wake up with a stab in my heart, anothe day without her. I have no point. I'm angry that I loved and she was taken away.

I never saw me without her. She's been with me through everything. She's shown me love and life itself. I miss her smell her warm nuzzling her eyes her happy face her runs - fiesty to the last.

She was not feeling well but gave us a Christmas miracle. No meds, she started eating running playing everything! Like a youthful doggy again. My heart soared and sang. I couldnt be happier. Another miracle. She'd shown us many. And no one could explain it. No spurs or joint problems.

Then it declined two days after. And the decline was rapid. FrOm no eating to then no drinking. She became weak. I helped her to the last even taking her and helping her in the garden.

I wonder. If I held on a little longer, would another miracle have happened? Or was that her last earthly gift for us?

I feel hollow and empty. Pointless. She saved me. Saved my life. She was more of a soul mate. I did the best for her always. She was queen of this house. She's come to me in dreams already. But I miss her in the form that I knew her as sandy.

The hardest part is that, no matter how much I cry, it won't bring her back. The finality I'd heart wrenching.

Please god, remove me from this cruelty. I never thought I'd say goodbye. My life makes no sense. It's surreal. Things don't look as they did.

Sandy mommy loves you and misses you so much.
My baby, the pains have ended, I cant wait to see you again. Thank you for the gift of you.



I understand completely. I had to put my furry soulmate down not even a week ago. The physical pain is more than I ever imagined. I had to wrestle with the fact that it had to be done for a while. She held on through Christmas. She too would show signs of a miracle just to deteriorate again and worse.  I know how it feels to hope beyond hope that they will get to remain with us and break beyond recognition at the site of the suffering they were feeling. It is soooo hard not to be selfish and not put them down because we do not want to lose them. But as a "mother" or "father" of these precious beings, we resign to the fact that we cannot let the suffering continue because we love them too much. The only solace we can take is that they are no longer suffering.
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House_of_Tabbies

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmgrier


I understand completely. I had to put my furry soulmate down not even a week ago. The physical pain is more than I ever imagined. I had to wrestle with the fact that it had to be done for a while. She held on through Christmas. She too would show signs of a miracle just to deteriorate again and worse.  I know how it feels to hope beyond hope that they will get to remain with us and break beyond recognition at the site of the suffering they were feeling. It is soooo hard not to be selfish and not put them down because we do not want to lose them. But as a "mother" or "father" of these precious beings, we resign to the fact that we cannot let the suffering continue because we love them too much. The only solace we can take is that they are no longer suffering.


This is so very true. We have to help our beloved kitty Drusilla cross over this afternoon.

It's those little moments where they show us they are still fighting.. then followed quickly by signs that they are losing the fight.. This is the hardest part.

It tears your heart out.

I am trying to imagine her going to join her kitty friend Spike (who passed 5 years ago) and that they can snuggle again and she will be free of pain..  
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