Llh1107
Hi all. I posted a couple days ago about my dog who we lost on Monday. It's been such a roller coaster. I go from being okay to being super emotional. I think I'm definitely in denial that he's gone. I feel like he's still at the hospital and will come back any day.

Question is... How did you all deal with seeing your pet come back in a box of ashes (if you chose cremation?). I'm so scared about this. Do I look? Do I have my husband put it away so I can continue to think my dog is really coming back one day? Seeing a box of ashes seems like it'll make it seem so real and I don't know if I can handle that.

I'm feeling anger too. It seems so WRONG that my sweet boy is coming home in a box. I just want to scream. This isn't right. He should be here. Not as ashes in a wooden box.
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mcianchette
Great question...I had the same experience almost 6 months ago when we lost Winston.  Everyone is different so what you feel and do is okay for you.  My husband picked up Winston's remains - they came in a box inside a nice velvet bag, with "Til We Meet Again At The Rainbow Bridge" embroidered on it.  I held the bag a few times, cried a ton, but thought of my sweet guy, happy and pain free at the Bridge!  Then we just put the bag on a bookshelf, facing a window, so Winston could still l look outside!  A couple days later, I actually opened the box and saw the remains.  Terribly painful but it really helped me make the connection that Winston was now in a different form in my life.  There's no right way or wrong way so listen to your heart, one minute at a time.  These first days and weeks are just so raw and painful that whatever you need to do to get through them is perfectly okay.  And talk to your sweet boy and tell him you're scared.  My guess is that he'll find a way to give you some comfort through this horribly painful and confusing time.  Wishing you peace...Martha, Winston's mom
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JaspersMom
I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital that cold and dark evening with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong to see others bringing their pets out of there so full of life, yet here you were, my big, beautiful and vibrant boy, in this little wooden box, never ever have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

Llh, I wrote the post above several days after losing my beloved cat Jasper, and I wanted to let you  know that I so understand your sadness, your anger, and your feeling that this is just so wrong, and how nothing will ever make it right. When I placed my sweet boy's ashes on the shelf facing his favorite window, even though my tears fell like rain, it was almost as if he was back home, not in the way I wanted of course, but back home anyway where he so belonged, and for the first time, I felt the tiniest bit of peace in my heart. Talk to your sweet doggie, say his name, write to him, he is still so very close, and he will never ever leave your heart. When we love deep, we grieve deep, how true this is, it has been a year and I miss my boy as much as I did the night we said such a sad goodbye. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy, and I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Bellamum
Llh,
I am sorry that you too are going through this overwhelming hurt after saying goodbye to your precious boy.  We all understand your thoughts and feelings as we are living it too.
I know that everyone is very different when it comes to how they feel about certain aspects of losing their furbabies, but I know that getting my Bella's ashes home was a huge relief for me.  We were fortunate enough to get her ashes home the evening after we said goodbye and I was grateful that she only spent one night away from us.  Obviously, getting her home was not the way I would have loved to have her home, but I feel that she is home with us, her family, where she belongs. 
As for actually looking at the ashes....I thought and thought about just that and could not decide if I would actually want to see them.  I had a look at the lid of the beautiful teak box that she now rests in and our lid is screwed down with tiny little gold screws on the side of the box.  I know I could undo them if I really wanted too, but I have decided to leave her rest in peace.  I don't have the desire to see her ashes.  As far as I am concerned, she is home and that is all I want. 
We have her little box of ashes nestled comfortably in her favourite bean bag that she loved curling up in, and the beanbag is sitting in the centre of a lovely little memorial we have made on top of our cabinet in our lounge room.  We all walk past her many times a day, and we stop and kiss the little box and tell her how much we adore her and always will.  We have almost worn a mark in the carpet!
I hope that having your beautiful boy's ashes home will give you a sense of comfort, just like it did for me.  Nothing will take away the intense pain we feel because they are no longer physically by our side, but I hope the ashes help.
IMG_2071 (225x300).jpg    DSCF5004 (225x300).jpg     Bellawallcollage2.jpg (300x200).jpg 
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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Katel
When I picked up the ashes of my two recently departed dogs ....  at different times ....I felt an overwhelming mix of emotions.
My first was anger, that I only had these small boxes instead of my beloveds, then searing grief,then a certain strange sense of peace  .  Later  I put the boxes onto my mantel facing out a window, and a photo of each of them, and their collar next to them and now a few months later, I realize I do get a sense of comfort that they are
there.  My other two who died before them are buried in the yard, and now it doesn't matter which way I chose to honour their bodies, all that matters is that they are all home with me and this probably sounds silly but I feel they are safe. 
I hope and pray that once you get your darling boy's ashes back this feeling will come to you as well. Blessings. 
Oh btw I never looked inside, never felt the need to. 
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jonancy
I am so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you. My dog, Scooter, died suddenly three weeks ago. I was terrified to pick up his ashes, I was afraid of crying too hard, or of losing my temper because I was and still am very angry. Scooter is in a beautiful box with paw prints on the top. I could not hold it at first, but now find a little comfort knowing he is home. This forum really helps with the roller coaster of emotions we are on, I thought I was doing better until Thursday and am so appreciative of all the support.

I really don't know what to say anymore, but know I really feel your pain.

Jonancy
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indcolts18288
There's so many things you can do and for everyone it's different. We went out and bought a marble table for the living room and her ashes are placed there along with some pictures surrounding it. Sort of a shrine I suppose but I felt that's what needed to be done. But for a week or so I had put them in my dresser tucked away. I remember when the funeral home handed the box to me I was surprised how small, yet heavy it was. I too remember feeling a little angry knowing that my baby had been reduced to a box. But my wishes were always for her to be cremated then buried with me when I pass away. Plus I feel as if she is at rest at home.
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mybaby1robert
I received my Roberts ashes on Tuesday.  I have a candle display that I have lighted each day until his return.  I am still lighting it as it makes me feel better to honor him with this candle light.  I miss him.  The box of ashes will be held with another sweet Angel that passed 15 years ago-my Jefferson a 3 legged Australian Sheppard.  I have ask Jeff to watch over Robert.  I know your pain and I hope you can feel peace about it.  I am still trying to find the peace.  The rituals help me and maybe they can help you.
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Kittypup
Reading the messages here allows me to feel the warmth of everyone's kindness. Your pets are very lucky to have had you as their humans -- they had all been loved well.

I remember how confused I was as I cradled the little box in the cab ride home: my mind still had the memory of my dog's weight, my arms still curled in an angle that best supports her barrel-shaped body & my fingers searched for the softness of her belly -- but all my hand held was a light box & a little card that bears her name.

I want to plant a tree -- a Golden Shower Tree like the one we use to have in the yard before the storm blew it down. And I want to put her ashes in the soil with it. I want to give her a chance to bring forth new life in this world. Just a different form, but one that will make me equally happy. And when I'm old, I will look at that tree every April when it's in full bloom & remember how we once played underneath one just like that, & we were happy. *SIGH*
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patent123
When I had to make the decision to euthanize my AMAZING friend I was heartbroken.  Being a renter my only option was to have her cremated.  To be completely honest the whole cremation process really disturbed me.  I know its a normal process of death but I felt like my girl deserved better...something more humane.  This is ridiculous because cremation is a respectable way to "bury" our loved ones but it just bothers me.  If your an easily emotional person I would send someone else to pick up his ashes.  I did it myself and I broke down in the office when I was presented with my girls ashes.  It was a really difficult thing to experience.  My girl came back in a BEAUTIFUL wooden box with carved flowers on it.  It was nicer then anything I could have hoped for. 

Like you I am still really angry about losing my dog.  The whole ending happened to fast and I never had the chance to comprehend everything.  Seeing my girls ashes initially hurt and really pissed me off.  My girl deserved to be on her bed, stealing our supper, laying out in the yard, and doing all her other favorite things.  I was furious that she was now ashes in a box.  Just know you are NOT alone in your sadness or anger.  We all have felt this emotions about losing our pets.  Getting ashes back can be as painful as saying goodbye.  With time though I think you will be happy to have him near by.  I know I am glad I still have my girl with me in someway.  When I'm having a difficult day and really miss her its nice to just hold her box and think back to happier times.  Sorry about the loss of your beautiful friend...just know patients always pays off and when the time is right we will all see our loved ones once again. 
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Kris
So sorry for your loss. I too lost my best friend Toby on Monday 2/23. The worst day of my life. I miss him enormously, am no better this week than last.
My baby's ashes are ready to be picked up too. I'm going to go on Saturday to get them. Not sure how traumatic that will be.
I haven't moved anything, his bowls are in the kitchen, collar hanging up, tennis balls throughout our house.
So so incredibly hard, just cannot accept it.
Please let me know how it goes for you.
Kris
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JeannineinWV16
I lost my cat Roger on 2/28. He had severe kidney failure and was 14 years old. I had him for 5 years. Since my boyfriend and I live in a rental home, we opted to have him cremated so if we want, we can have him buried up at my parents house on Long Island with all my childhood pets. We haven't received his ashes yet, but I too am scared of how I will react. I know we get a lock of fur and a paw print with his ashes, but I don't know how the box will look. He was less than 5lbs when he died, so I am sure it will be a tiny box.

My heart goes out to you all, even if it is broken right now.
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JeannineinWV16
Kris wrote:
So sorry for your loss. I too lost my best friend Toby on Monday 2/23. The worst day of my life. I miss him enormously, am no better this week than last.
My baby's ashes are ready to be picked up too. I'm going to go on Saturday to get them. Not sure how traumatic that will be.
I haven't moved anything, his bowls are in the kitchen, collar hanging up, tennis balls throughout our house.
So so incredibly hard, just cannot accept it.
Please let me know how it goes for you.
Kris



I am so sorry, Kris. I was out of town when Roger was put down. I had to drive back for two hours holding my grief in. I lost it when I got home. It was so quiet, no kitty to greet me at the door. We immediately packed up his stuff so it was out of sight and I put his favorite toy under my pillow. Each day is better, but we are snowed in at home without our buddy and it's killing me. I hope you handle it well on Saturday, I will let you know how we do when we get Rogers remains, it should be any day.
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