It’s been more than 2 months now since Cobber died. I have ok days and bad days. I stupidly thought somehow having another dog around would help. I went through a pretty rigorous application process with a local rescue, specifically for a lovely low-energy, senior dog on their available list. Every interview (I had 3 and a home inspection), I stressed “senior” and “low-energy” and put that on the application. But everyone there kept pointing me toward this other dog: a 4-yr-old Aussie cattle dog mix who supposedly slept all day.

It turns out she slept a lot because she was sick with Lyme. And they also gave her a “cat test” which turned out to be a total lie.
So I have a young, healthy (now), playful dog who torments my cats. 

All I really want in the world is my baby boy back. My poor cats are not happy. I can’t deal with the thought of hours of training with this new dog just to deal with basics like recall. I just wanted a senior because I was looking forward to the golden years with Cobber, but cancer won out and took him away at age 7. 

Anyway, someone totally unrelated to all this just snapped at me online for not paying attention to her information and asking a question she’d already supposedly answered. I just burst into tears. I just want my Cobber back. Everything is just all wrong without him.

And I have changed my mind about keeping or returning this new dog at least a million times in the last 2 weeks, which also makes me feel guilty. She’s very nice, but she’s not a low-energy senior, and she won’t be distracted from the cats. And I know not to lose my temper or yell, but without even thinking, I hear myself doing it anyway...

This all just absolutely sucks. My friends are kind of tiring of my indecision. The thought of all the training I should try to do with the new dog makes me cry even harder. None of this is how it’s supposed to be... 😭 I just want Cobber back.

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I am so sorry for your loss.  I dont know what the right answer is.  I just wanted you to know that I dont think whatever you do will be wrong.  I would recommend doing whats best for you and the dog.  It is so hard when grieving to think with a clear mind dont be to hard on yourself you have done what you thought was right at the time.  
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CobbersMom.   I am so sorry for your loss.  I pray everything works out for you.   
Deborah Owens
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Dear CobbersMom, 

2 months is a very recent loss of your boy.  At 2 months I just realized what happened.  Don't be too hard on yourself - you're going through a devastating loss of one of life's most loving and loyal companions.  I've perused petfinder, not for me but for my other boy as everyone keeps telling me he needs a playmate. I don't want another dog now and don't think he needs one, and when looking found myself filtering at senior, male, white, Chihuahua, good with other dogs, named Patch. I obviously realized I was desperately looking for Patch as I too want him back so badly.  I know exactly how you're feeling. We all do. 

It's ok if you're not ready or this pup isn't the right fit. Especially if you have other animals.  For both of you it's important to be the right home.  Maybe you could ask them if you can instead foster for awhile while they still accept other applications. That way you don't feel so committed and it may just work itself out in a few weeks or months. If not, perhaps there is a better fit for both of you. Those are typically higher energy dogs and if you're looking for a low energy senior that's perfectly ok. Remember how fast their lives go though (we all know too fast) a 4 yr old will be a senior in no time. 

As Angelbaby stated, we don't know the right answer. That's for you in your big heart who loves Cobber so deep, yet opened her heart and home to another pup in need to decide. There was another post a few days ago with someone in a similar situation (Quincysmom) who adopted a dog Boomer after losing her soul mate. Lots of good input was added.  If you haven't seen it yet, maybe read that thread and it may help give you some guidance. I'm so sorry for your loss - I know the pain cuts like a knife so deep. Try to take one day at a time. Sending you big hugs. ❤
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Thank you all for the very sweet supportive messages! Getting it all out yesterday  (including a few gallons leaking out of my eyes), and reading all your replies, helped buoy my spirits considerably! And today has been pretty darn great so far - a break in the heat and humidity has also helped.

@P_Mom, I found the thread you mentioned and read through it. It’s helpful to know others are struggling with the same or similar situations and conflicting emotions. Thank you for your post and directing to that thread.

I suspect Peaches will be here for awhile and that’s ok! I may talk to the rescue about changing my status with Peaches to a foster-to-adopt situation just to give me a little sense of space and to see if maybe there isn’t a better family for her out there looking. I think she has a nice set up here, but would probably have more fun with a younger, livelier family/couple/person. 

Anyway, today is a new day. Thank you, everyone!

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