loveFluffy2017
My Fluffy is still with me. She's actually had a good spring and summer, but in recent weeks, some new things have popped up. She is still very much a happy dog. She still wants to walk and still greets me when I come home, though she is much more cautious now. Instead of running to the door she lingers in the hallway until she's sure it's me. She's on phenobarbital, an anxiety medication, and most recently she's been put on an arthritis medication. Just over night, her back leg started to limp and I thought she hurt herself. Turns out, she has arthritis. She sleeps pretty much all day now. And she's still incontinent. They took her off the incontinence meds because the were counteracting the anxiety medication. So at least 3-4 days a week she's waking up wet. Sometimes I look at her and it looks like she's got this look of worry on her face. And she's started to chew her paws more which I read is a sign of pain. And sometimes she can't slide under the bed, her favorite place, because she can't crouch down far enough. Then I wonder if I am just seeing things and exaggerating them to make the decision. My vet tells me I am not wrong in thinking the time is near, she say that Fluffy has a lot going on and to keep a diary of the bad days so I can clearly see the bad days and have a visual for her quality of life, which I have. She's said to keep her informed so they can track her quality of life too. Some months there are no bad days, some months there are more.  And she's so hard to handle, I can't leave her at home with my grandpa anymore because she needs so much attention. The cost of day care and the increasing medications coupled with vet visits every couple months is really starting to drain me. I'm trying so hard to give her a good life. I'm trying to be a good mom. It seems to me she's got at least another year. At the VERY least, through the summer. But I am also just waiting and wondering when the next stroke or seizure will be and how badly it will affect her. I always told myself, if she got up to needing 5 medications, it would be time to let her go. Well right now she should technically be on 4.

I just buried my sister in April. I am barely hanging on as it is. I don't think I can do this.
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lettersatlarge

You know your friend better than anyone else. It is normal to worry, especially after such a great loss. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sister so recently. You must be absolutely tapped for energy and emotions.

I was in a similar position, though the illnesses were not the same. My Dante struggled to breathe at night, would hack, couldn't rest comfortably, and would get more tired on his walks. He had developed a heart murmur that very quickly turned into an enlarged heart with a partially collapsed trachea. Most days he still wanted his walk, even though he'd be too tired and I'd carry him on the way back. He still wanted to cuddle, he had trouble eating sometimes but not all the time, and those nights were horrible, he couldn't rest, his chest would rise and fall so fast I thought I'd lose him then and there. But then again the mornings, he was up, wanted food, wanted attention, wanted that walk. Up until the very last night. I even thought he was on the mend, yet. He was gone the next morning.

The entire time, my gut told me what was true, and that I had very little time left with him. Even though the vet said he should live quite a bit longer, even though I saw him spinning around every time he saw me. The times that were not good were very not good, so I knew.

Please consider bringing this up to your vet if you haven't, though I suspect you have. Go through a quality of life checklist if you haven't.

This site has been so helpful for me these last three months since my pup left me. Everyone here understands. Everyone here has been there and is going through this with you. Just remember only you know, because you have that bond with Fluffy, no one else does. Listen to your heart and your gut and your Fluffy. They won't steer you wrong.

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William
Sounds like Fluffy is not doing well at all. I'm sorry but it sounds like he's deteriorating.
The number of medicines he is on does not equal quality of life. Animals do not like to lose bowel or bladder control. All their lives we have taught them where to " go"
Losing control is part of loss of quality of life.
What was just mentioned about viewing the quality of life check list is a great idea. You will see that your dog will not pass many of the items on the list.
I'm wondering what your vet is saying about Fluffys health and prognosis. Having Fluffy for another five months without quality of life and not feeling well is not fair to Fluffy.
Letting go is very hard. But remember dogs will try as hard as they can to keep up routine and keep us happy. They are also great at hiding pain and suffering. You are probably only seeing part of what he's experiencing.

I'm sorry to be so blunt about it. But your story makes me sad for Fluffy and the way he will end out his life of love and friendship he had for you.
I made a decision to be proactive on letting William go because I was not going to wait for any deterioration from his disease. I couldn't do that to him. I loved him too much to watch him linger or have seizures or fail in any way. Because for 14 years he never failed me.

This is hard and there are people here to support you. Best wishes to you and Fluffy.
Kim
Kim
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LarSandHaley
I went through the wondering for about a year with my dog, Haley. It was like a dark cloud that followed me. I totally emphasize.
People say you will know when it's time... that is true...
Haley was 16. I could have brought her home the night they found a mass in her abdomen... but I wanted her to go out with as much dignity and grace as she lived her life with.
It's absolutely destroyed me... I'm not sure what or where my place is anymore... the only thing that gives me a little peace is knowing I let her go without any regret I waited too long... she left this world with her boots on!
I hope you find that same peace whenever the day comes for your pup.
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