DavidSanchez
I recently was talking to another person that suffered a loss and at the end the other person said "You sure have a healthy perspective and seem to be healing". Although I appreciate the sentiment I ask myself ....really? It's been 4 months since I let my Bff go and I sure don't feel that way, especially when I overthink things or when small things send me into a spiral of second-guessing and deep remorse. My sweet girl's personality and her still talking to me (i know that sounds crazy, but she talked to me through her personality and I could care less how other ppl see it) can help me out of it.
    She was 16.5 and seemed normal in all things except she no longer hopped up on the couch, got winded on walks, and seemed to nap more which all seemed normal due to the aging. Then the nosebleeds began. We went to the vet and he declared that it was normal and seemingly no big deal and that it was high bp. Since he didn't even examine her (no blood, no temp, no bp check and barely even looked at her,) off to a different vet who checked her out and declared it wasn't a big deal, about a month later the nosebleeds started again. My sweet girl "told" me something wasn't right as she laid down for a nap in the tub when I was cleaning her up after the last nose bleed. So off to yet another vet who gave me the worst news possible bone/lung cancer in which nothing could be done and suggested that the course was immediate euthanasia, which I refused as I wanted just a single more day with her. So we left with painkillers and a plan which included some of her favorite things (a big bone, trip to the lake, cheeseburgers and a milkshake) The next day we waited as long as possible to go back to the vet and even hit up Dairy Queen on the way, but she then again "talked" to me by having only a little interest in her favorite things. After a long wait in the "room" I considered just going home, but she looked at me as if to say....Look I had Cancer yesterday,I have it today and it will be here tommorrow....so let's either do this or bust outta here cause I left a half-finished cup of whipped cream in the car. We said our goodbyes and I had to let her go.
   I'm typing more than I intended but seemed to have needed to put it all down.(as the tears are streaming) That being said some things that have helped is getting the thoughts out of my head, the thought that I didn't put her down, I didn't put her to sleep....I let her go. I came across a "thought" that our beloved animals wait until we are ready to let go until we are ready. (even if we don't think so) I also remind myself that I can't recall a single time my pup ever did anything to "intentionally" hurt me so now isn't different, she wouldn't want me to be sad or depressed about her passing. I donated some of her things to a shelter because she "told" me that other pups would benefit. When I do dumb stuff like look around for her or talk to the squirrels and rabbits in the yard about how bold they've gotten since Angel is gone I laugh when I think of Angel giving me a look like I've lost my mind. I have no clue whether it's a right or wrong approach, or whether it's healthy or unhealthy, the only thing I'm certain of is that I miss the heck outta her and that cancer is a big fat doodie head! angelpie.jpg
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BorderCollieLover
David:

  Sorry about your beloved pet. She sounds like a great dog and the love of your life. You were a conscientious pet parent and did all the right things. I hope that you find some peace by coming to this Forum. We all understand. Thanks for sharing. 

Sending Calming Thoughts Your Way,

Jim
Jim Miller
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Zeke1_
David - so sorry to hear of your loss of Angel. You were a good dad and we all share those thoughts. The burger and milk shake reminds me of my dog Zeke who also got everything he liked in his final days. I felt guilty I did not give him more ribs when he was healthy. I also talk to the squirrels and fox and birds about how brazen they have become. So if you are crazy to talk to angel and the animals then you are not alone. 🙂 thank you for posting, the pics of angel are adorable.- Ted
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DavidSanchez
Thanks Ted and Jim, 
Today is bittesweet and feeling a bit off, not because of the holiday but because im doing on of my favorite things (smoking a turkey) and am really missing the heck out of my smoking buddy. She would thoughtfully listen, would never tell me a better way of doing things and was eager to clean up if necessary. Even after 4 months of her being gone Im hesitating at the door to see if she wants/needs to come or go, which is weighing heavily on me today. The only solace I can find is the thought that she would be giving me a "look" saying....."what a dumbass" which can bring a smile.
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chilover
David

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Angel.

It sure sounds like the two of you had a fantastic life together, and you were a terrific pet parent.

Cheeseburgers and milkshake? wow!! I also bought my dog some lavish things to eat before euthanasia but she wasn't interested :( Although on the last morning she had 3 thing's she loved - a little sausage, digestive biscuit and a little drink of tea 😉

I think it is perfectly normal to talk to the animals, anything that brings us comfort is perfectly okay and we are all unique and different! If you feel comforted doing it then do it, who is anyone to say otherwise.. some people talk to trees..I talk to animals.  I used to do really silly thing's and my dog would often keep popping her head up from her blanket to see what the silliness was...Some pets join in..Mine sometimes would join in...

sending you peace and comfort

Daisy's mummy

Angelina.
 

 
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Mistysmama
Dear David,
Angel is such a beautiful name. And she is such a beautiful blissed-out-looking girl.
I am truly sorry for your loss.

I hear you about missing her especially when you are doing something you used to love doing together.
I am the same.

As the years have gone by, I still miss her and remember her when doing those things. But it seems that the quirky character memories are more likely to come in than the intense painful grief after a long time like that. But yes, it can depend on how I feel. Sometimes my eyes still get wet, remembering and missing her.

My girl got some good steak in her last days. Lots of it. Her cancer (hemangiosarcoma) was a wait-and-watch scenario, and she was on a kind of hospice care at home. There wasn't any definite day set for her passing. So she didn't get the special last dinner and treats....I would have bought her ice cream if I'd known on that last day. Neither of us knew it was going to be her last day.
And I knew she would have loved ice cream.

In UK we have these things called "fish fingers" (fish sticks covered with breadcrumbs) I had those with my dinner on her last evening. The last thing she ate was one of those off my plate. She so enjoyed it.

Blessings to your sweet Angel. And my kindest thoughts sent out to you too David.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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