Quincymom
In September of 2010, 3 tiny kittens showed up underneath my horse trailer at the small farm where I keep my horse. I began to put food and water out for them, but a few days later they were gone as quickly as they had arrived. Two months later one of them showed back up on the side of the road a short distance away. I scooped him up and brought him to the farm. He was sickly and had damage to his left eye. I made space for him in a wooden shed where I kept the horse's bedding (wood shavings). I set him up with litter box, food and water dishes and a cozy bed. He was given antibiotics to clear up his sickness and wheezing. He would be named Quincy and it was the start of a 4 year friendship that I will never forget.
He eventually moved into the house with us (much against the wishes of my other half), but I never had the heart to keep him locked up inside. He loved to hunt, climb trees, run around, bath in the sun and follow me wherever I went. He would be my shadow. My friend. My confidante. My love. The other half and I went through a difficult time and I moved 3 times in as many years - Quincy was with me through it all and never showed me less than unconditional love.
Quincy went through many adventures in his short life. In addition to moving 3 times, he went missing for 2 weeks and was found 5 miles from home. He was hit by a car and fractured his spine. Despite the vets insisting his tail would need to be cut off, he had a full recovery and use of that beautiful tail! He fell from a tree and sprained his leg. He loved climbing, chasing rodents, riding in the truck, people coming to visit and anything that came his way. Everyone who met him liked him.
When he was hit by a car the first time, I toyed with the idea of keeping him as an indoor cat and I did restrict him going outside. But I soon realized this took away some happiness for him and gave in to letting him out during the day while I was at work. Every morning I worried and would say to him as he went out the door, "be a good boy and stay close to the house, don't go into the road."
My worst nightmare was realized this past Wednesday, November 5th when I got home from work and grocery shopping and he didn't come when I called. I walked up the road and found his lifeless body. I thought my heart would explode and couldn't breathe. I still find it difficult to breathe. My other half dug a hole with the backhoe and we buried him in his original snowman blanket that night.
My heart is shattered. I have loved and lost a few pets and they have all hurt. But losing this very special little guy hurts beyond imagination. We only had 4 short years. He was my best friend and my little love. Life is so empty without him and even the other half who was against him being in the house has shed tears and is completely out of sorts.
I wonder if he knew, as he took his last breath, that he was so loved. I feel terrible that he had to die alone on the side of the road. I feel terrible that I had let him out of the house. I think about him all the time. Everything we did together, which was everything because he was always by my side. No matter where I went on this 9 acres, he was no more than 30 seconds away from me. He brought me such joy and I don't believe there could be another like him.
My heart is broken dandelion quincy.jpg 

I'm sorry this was so long :(
k~
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animal_qwackers
I don't mind your post being long ... it helps to understand the relationship you had with Quincy, and boy, isn't he a stunner!

I can fully understand that you are heartbroken. I have lost two of my own babies recently, my beautiful tabby cat and gorgeous German Shepherd dog, and the pain sits with me every day. I know what you are saying about losing other pets, but the loss of Quincy is a hurting beyond imagination. When I lost my British Blue cat, Daisy, in October 2012, the grief practically tore me apart, and I had lost others before her. Having to say goodbye to my cat and dog this year has been even worse. Gonzo and Solomon were my feline and canine soul mates; their loss has been paralysing.

Back in 2003, one of my felines, my silky black chatterbox, Ebony, got hit by a car. She was found by a neighbour under a tree in his back garden. She must have been hit, then crawled to the garden and died under the tree. She was only four years old too. I posted flyers all over the village and hunted for her for three days. When he brought her back home to me in a cardboard box, the bottom fell out of my world. She was an absolute gem. I can only imagine what it must have been like finding Quincy as you did. It must have been such a traumatic experience and an image that is constantly in your head. That image, in time, will not be so prevalent in your mind and be replaced with happier images of your beloved boy.

We all go through the what ifs, whys, hows, etc. Cats are natural born hunters; not many of them like to be confined to a house. They love playing outside, exploring, causing mischief, hunting, lounging in the sun. They just love being outdoors. It's a cat's instinct to walk on the wild side. I know that you will beat yourself up time and time again, as I did, as everyone on here has done. What you are experiencing is part of the grieving process. For as long as Quincy was with you, you gave him a happy life. You looked after him and embraced him into your life where others would leave him to get on with it. You should be commended for the love you gave to him and I am sure he knew how much you loved him.

He'll always be with you, no matter where you go. Quincy brought so much joy and light into your life, and that light will always burn bright within your heart. He was, is, and always will be, a flickering flame of love and immeasurable joy.

My thoughts are with you. Take care.

Wendy

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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danzey
QuincyMom............Wendy is right, your post is not long at all.  Write as much as you want here, and go on and on about Quincy (nothing is ever too much).   Actually, you can't go on too much when it comes to a handsome boy like him (lets be honest).  That's a great picture!, I wish I was brave enough (like many here) to even look at the pictures I have; but I don't have the courage yet.  The funny thing is I use to tell my Boo that he has such "bravery and courage"   That really is a great picture though, he's looking right into the lens.  If you haven't already, think about picking out your favorite picture (hard I know) and getting it enlarged and framing it up special, or making up a shadow box containing special things of Quincy's.  Something special for you only.  I could hear Quincy bragging now, "My Mom didn't forget me, not for one minute".....danzey
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Quincymom
Thank you Wendy and Danzey, your words and compassion mean so much to me right now. When I talk to friends and family I feel like I can see the bubble over their heads saying, 'alright, enough already, it was a cat' and so I don't expect them to understand. I'm so glad I was sent here where everyone feels - unfortunately - exactly the same as I do. I don't feel alone here.
I'm struggling through this day, trying to get my chores and tasks done, but it doesn't feel right when he's not by my side. Our house has been for sale for a while, but now I am truly ready for someone to come buy it because I really don't want to be here anymore without my buddy. There's just too much pain. I certainly won't ever forget him, not for a second, but I do want to move on in life and not feel this pain anymore.
Danzey, when the time is right for you, you will look at pictures and feel peace. I am a 'picturaholic' and find it therapeutic to go through them. I have started a photo collage, but will hold off for a while as Steve is not able to look at pictures yet and I want to respect his feelings. I knew he loved Quincy even though he never admitted it, but even I didn't know how much he truly loved Quincy. What was not to love?
Anyway, thank you again and I wish you both peace as well. Now to take a deep breathe and get back to it; tissues in my pocket :/
k~
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animal_qwackers
I've had that 'bubble above the head' experience too. I simply don't bother mentioning my beloved four-legged friends to the two-legged kind because they are oblivious to the way I actually feel. Even those with pets of their own don't comprehend. As for my family, since Gonzo passed more than 17 weeks ago, and Solly passed almost 7 weeks ago, I've had 2 conversations with my sister and all I got was 'Well, they had a good life'. So much for compassion!

I will deal with the grief in my own way, in my own time. There is no time limit, and I'm damned if I am going to have anybody tell me otherwise. My babies mattered to me ... they always did, still do, and always will! Despite the fact they have left me physically, their spirit lives within my heart. I have beautiful memories and, whilst at times it destroys me to think of poignant moments, which were many and wonderful, I cannot help but remember the joy, bliss, and unconditional love I was blessed with.

It warms me to hear that being on here has helped you somewhat. On here, you are surrounded by support and people who 'get it', a matter that others within your circle blatantly lack. Until one has been gifted with the love of a fur baby, one has never truly awakened.

I wish you well in coping with the loss of your gorgeous Quincy boy. Such a handsome fella!

Hugs to you, Wendy

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Meeko4
Quincymom,
                   I don't think your post was long at all. It was beautiful and it shows just how much you loved Quincy. You did the right thing letting him be himself and play outdoors. You gave him a good life and you should remember all the great times that you spent with him. He was so very lucky to have a wonderful owner like you. I lost my beloved cat Meeko on November 1st. She was only 11 months old. :'( The pain is unbearable every second of everyday. I'm still finding it hard to get out of bed.. I can't pay attention to anything I'm doing. All my thoughts go back to Meeko. Everyday, I wish there was someone I could talk to who knows exactly what I'm going through. Finding this forum today gives me some comfort that I'm not alone. And I assure you that you aren't alone either. :) I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. Losing a pet is so incredibly hard especially since our pets are not just PETS but a part of our family. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your beautiful boy Quincy.

Whenever you need to talk, I am here. :) Your cat was much loved and now he is in the safe hands of God, jumping on clouds and being his adventurous self! :) I wish you all the best in coping with your loss. Hugs.
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Quincymom
Meeko's mom,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend, Meeko. She was a gorgeous kitty. You too should be proud you gave her a good life and rejoice in those memories. I know what you mean about not being able to concentrate and not wanting to get up in the morning. I feel like each day is a struggle. 
What I am doing, and helps me just a little bit, is in the morning I say good morning to him and tell him I hope he has fun today and to stay out of trouble (which was pretty much what I used to say to him before). Since I work during the day, I have a little relief from being at home and missing him under my feet. When I get home in the afternoon, I light a candle in my kitchen window and tell him I hope he had a good day and was a good boy.
When I head off to bed I tell him nite, nite sweet boy, sleep well. 
It's all part of the routine we had and I still do it to keep his 'presence' alive. I'm not saying that it takes away the empty, sad feelings; but I feel like my 'conversations' with him help me to cope. 
We all deal with it in our own ways and I pray that you can find your way and find some peace in your heart - that's what your baby would want. Take care, my friend, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I am looking forward to the ceremony tonight. I have never attended one and hope it will help me to find more peace. Perhaps you will be there too. 

Quincy's mom and friend forever~
k~
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Meeko4
Quincymom,

Thank you for your words of support and encouragement. They really made me feel better. I think having conversations with Quincy to keep his presence alive is a beautiful idea. I try my best to keep the memory of Meeko alive too. Before going to bed I always pray to see her in my dreams. And thankfully, I've been having happy dreams about her for a whole week! Maybe one day we will both find peace in our hearts. :-)
I found this forum today so I don't know about the ceremony tonight. Could you tell me more about it? :-) Hugs and prayers.
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Quincymom
Meeko's mom,

I've asked him to come to my dreams, but he has not yet. I hope to see him there one day. I contacted a medium I know and she confirmed that he is with my grandmother, so I feel better about that. I'm glad you've been having happy dreams about Meeko and that she comes to you there :)
If you go to the top of this page, look for the tab that says "Monday Candlelighting." Then you'll see different links below where you can add your pet and where they tell you what happens and a tab to get into the ceremony, etc. Please go check it out, it would be nice to know that you and I will be celebrating the lives of our furbabies together :)  
Let me know how you make out ~ Hugs to you as well :)

Quincy's mom <3
k~
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Meeko4
Will do! :-) That's so sweet that your baby is with your grandma! Brought a smile to my face. :-) Stay strong.
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