partialmarshall Show full post »
LUCYLULU
Marlene~ I just saw Shanti's picture. His markings are beautiful.  And his light grayish eyes (?) are amazing...so expressive. I am so sorry to read about Shanti & Smudge...and all of our loved babies. Hugs, Kasey
Quote 0 0
dkinney
Hi PM,
So sorry for the passing of your sweet Smudge. Maybe you are seeing your home as a bad place because this is where you tried so hard to keep your sweet baby alive. I know there are stages of grief. We lost our sweet Corgi, Jenny, back in January. It's been really hard coming home and not seeing her greet us. She was my heart. I honestly believe I have seen signs of her still around the house. And, no, I'm not crazy. She was nine years old when she passed. She had kidney problems. We didn't know. I feel so guilty. We nursed her with help from the Vet as well. She passed at the Vet's office. We were at home. She must have thought we just abandoned her. I hope she knows we didn't. Maybe some day we can get another Corgi. Not to replace her. We could never do that. It would be to honor her. I don't know if any of this helps you. This forum is great. It is helping me I believe. Take care. God bless. ((HUG))
Quote 0 0
TimTam
I am so sorry you are hurting so bad.Smudge is a beautiful baby.Thank you as well for your kinds words to me last night. 
Being without you takes a lot of getting used to.
Quote 0 0
Ell99
partialmarshall- i did reply earlier but just saw a photo of your beautful little smudge. im replying to your words" not going crazy after all". i wondered that about myself several weeks ago and wrote a post about it- as this all felt like a bad dream. only know nearly 2 months later the fog is just slowly starting to lift. just remeber when you go to counselling- especially for pet loss they havent experienced it- so it really is just day at a time. i agree though if you feel frightened at home to talk to someone. i felt more lost than frightened. i still do. i just try and fill in time an hope that each day is a day to feeling better. i will never stop missing my little boy who was my best friend and just spoke to him now and said wish you were here. hang in there. i have found the forum had been the best therapy for me. it breaks my heart with every new story i read. i just feel for everyone. elle
Quote 0 0
partialmarshall
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies. I am taking a few days off from work and a good friend (who lost her dear dog 9 months ago, so she knows) is coming in a few minutes to take me shopping and to lunch. Otherwise I will be hanging out at home this weekend and just feeling what I need to feel. It helps so much to know that so many are sharing this with me. I look forward to learning more about you all and supporting you in the days and weeks and months to come.

xoxo,
PM
Quote 0 0
partialmarshall

Can anyone offer thoughts or guidance about helping a remaining pet cope with the loss of a companion? I'm concerned that my grief and fear are negatively impacting my sweet 7-year-old cat, Angus, in the wake of Smudge's death. Angus is such good company to me but has become very vocal and needy lately, and I am afraid I'm adding to his stress by over-reacting, rather than behaving in ways that will calm and reassure him. Last night he woke me up at 3:00am by screeching in my face over and over, and when he wouldn't stop I yelled at him, which makes me ashamed. He seems OK physically (eating, etc.), but I'm scared I'm hurting him emotionally, which I can't bear the thought of.

Would love to hear how others have faced this.

Thanks,
PM

Quote 0 0
CKMP
PM - this is a question many of ask . . . I think maybe Angus is missing his companion as well. . . No doubt about it our companions will pick up on our emotional state.  He sounds like he needs a lot of reassurance and a lot more of your company and time.   I have read that actually talking to the surviving fur baby realistically and calmly about the loss and how you are feeling can help them as well [?]; I have also read that reinforcing undesirable behaviour by any means is not helpful - so reinforcing behaviour positively when Angus is being a "good boy" might give him some extra reassurance as well.  Maybe something 'new' that is just something for Angus? a new toy? a new 'routine time' with you?  This is a tough one to deal with for sure as Angus can't vocalize in words how he is feeling about a home without Smudge . . . Is he looking for Smudge?  I know my gone girl's sister still looks for her in certain places at certain times . . . Maybe your vet has some good advice?  Sorry PM not much help.

Quote 0 0
partialmarshall
Thanks for your reply, CKMP. I had already decided to try to worry less about Angus's neediness and just indulge him with love and attention as much as I can. I thought I had been doing that already, but I can see that I have truly been mired in my own grief, which he's obviously picked up on, and, even though I hug and cuddle him when I'm home, I don't think I've been giving him my wholehearted attention; it's always been filtered through my sadness over losing Smudge. Last night I held and talked to him without any distractions (no phone, Internet, or reading) and later we played a little bit with a laser toy for the first time in two months, and he seemed to have a really good time. Plus, the exercise is good for him since he eats a lot. :-)  He did look for Smudge the first days after Smudge died, but I don't feel he's actively looking anymore so much as simply adjusting to the changes in the household. Of course he's needy--we both are. We miss our buddy, and we're both adjusting to a "new normal," and it's going to take awhile. I can only offer him good care, patience and love, and so I will.

PM
Quote 0 0