ChristinevL
My 11 1/2 Golden, Brody, has always had thunder & gun anxieties. Summers are always difficult with this, but with the Alprazolam I have been able to calm him.
In the last 6-8 months he has become extremely anxious and became destructive when I would leave him. He literally tore up molding and walls.
A month ago I moved and since that time he is not the same. I cannot leave him without returning to terrible destruction. He shakes with nerves and is only content when I am near.
He is now on Prozac & Alprazolam as far as his interests, he still gets very excited when my great nieces & nephews come around, some days he is willing to go for a walk, most he does not. We used hike a good 2-3 miles on a consistent basis. Even going swimming, he just gets in and walks around.
I know he is just old & tired. I am not sure how much pain he is in, he limps differently everyday.
My question is, When does my mental health come into play? This sounds so selfish but I can't go anywhere without taking him or sedating him, then worry the whole time I am gone. I am single and have no respite support and I have always done things like hiking & canoeing so he could go. Last week I took him camping & ended up sleeping in the car because he was so scared in the tent. He has camped since he was a year old. I tried a new daycare/kennel and the second time I took him he was so upset and I left feeling just horrible. I feel as though I am torturing him and letting him down when I need to leave him.
Has anyone had to make this decision for similar reasons?
Thank you,
Christine
Christine von Lange
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Mistysmama
You could try this:
Give your life to him. At least for what remains of his life. Give up everything else.

He is not being a 'bad dog' -not at this stage, especially not since he always used to enjoy all the things you did together. He is the way he is because he can't help it right now. You don't need a behaviourist. You just need to focus on him, love him and hang out with him even if he's being boring.

When thunder comes never mind all the training which is recommended and which might work for younger dogs. Play gentle music, stroke him gently, and let him cuddle up to you. Tell him it's all okay and that you love him and are there for him. Sleep with him and forget about all the things you could be doing away from him. They dont matter any more. When he is gone you will have time for those things....
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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MurphysMom_0831
ChristinevL wrote:
My 11 1/2 Golden, Brody, has always had thunder & gun anxieties. Summers are always difficult with this, but with the Alprazolam I have been able to calm him. In the last 6-8 months he has become extremely anxious and became destructive when I would leave him. He literally tore up molding and walls. A month ago I moved and since that time he is not the same. I cannot leave him without returning to terrible destruction. He shakes with nerves and is only content when I am near. He is now on Prozac & Alprazolam as far as his interests, he still gets very excited when my great nieces & nephews come around, some days he is willing to go for a walk, most he does not. We used hike a good 2-3 miles on a consistent basis. Even going swimming, he just gets in and walks around. I know he is just old & tired. I am not sure how much pain he is in, he limps differently everyday. My question is, When does my mental health come into play? This sounds so selfish but I can't go anywhere without taking him or sedating him, then worry the whole time I am gone. I am single and have no respite support and I have always done things like hiking & canoeing so he could go. Last week I took him camping & ended up sleeping in the car because he was so scared in the tent. He has camped since he was a year old. I tried a new daycare/kennel and the second time I took him he was so upset and I left feeling just horrible. I feel as though I am torturing him and letting him down when I need to leave him. Has anyone had to make this decision for similar reasons? Thank you, Christine


I'm so sorry your precious Brody is having such pitifully sad issues. If must be dreadful for him. I agree with everything Misty's Mama wrote. The only important and pressing things now are Brody's needs. Do everything with him he still enjoys, whether he's slow or not. Be with him at every humanly possible moment. Try an old t-shirt or a Thundershirt to help calm him. If you absolutely must be away from Brody, see if your nieces and nephews (or their parents if they're young) can be with him, or consider a sitter for him in your home that he can meet first. Nothing else matters but Brody. He has devoted his 11-1/2 years to you, so you need to devote what time he has left to him. If you don't, you'll be wracked with guilt for the rest of your life. Brody doesn't sound ill, based on your post, so why consider putting him to sleep due to severe separation anxiety? He deserves much more than that. He wants and deserves you. And if you love Brody enough to consider him your child, like those of us here, you'll regret it forever if you make that decision.

I devoted almost 4 years of my life to my beloved Golden, Murphy, once he developed Addison's disease and almost died twice. He was by my side 24/7/365. The only time we were separated was the 13 days he was in the hospital (for an unrelated illness). His organs began to shut down totally unexpectedly the day before he was to come home. On June 18 I had to make the most horrendous decision of my life to let him go while holding him in my arms, and I'll be haunted by it forever, as well as the fact that this time I couldn't save him despite everything humanly possible being done by his crew of specialist vets. Now I'm devoting my life to raising the very rambunctious and often destructive Golden I got as a tiny puppy a few months before Murphy passed. Maybe another dog would help Brody?

Our furbabies are our responsibility from the moment we take them into our lives, they are totally dependent on us, they are indispensable, and we owe them everything. I'll never get back to enjoying all the things I used to, but I don't care. Their physical and mental health is much more important than mine. Your vet should be able to discuss potential pain issues with you, and there are plenty of medications available to keep Brody comfortable if need be.

As Misty's Mama said, you'll have plenty of time for things you enjoy after Brody's gone. However, I guarantee you'll enjoy them much less.

Sending tons of hugs, love and blessings to precious Brody,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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Manjack
I don't know what your circumstances are but if it Is possible to do so please follow Mistysmama's advice.. If you can spend the time with Brody , do it. Those of us on here who have lost our pets would give anything to be able to be in your shoes and have the time to love and comfort those we have lost.
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ahartofilis
All of the replies above are very well said. If I knew how it was going to be after the loss of my girl Coco, from bone cancer, almost 6 month's ago, I would have appreciated the time that she was here a lot more. I always loved her, yet you don't know just how deeply and how much, until they are gone!
  As mentioned above Brody gave you so many wonderful years. He is older now and having some issues. Love him, spend as much time as you can with him, accept him just the way he is now! He deserves that. He needs to know that you love him. For whatever reason he is having these problems, it really doesn't matter. It is the reality to deal with. Like Mistysmama mentioned, you will have many years to do the things that you perhaps cannot do now. So what!! Within a couple of years he will be gone. Be everything you can be to him now, believe me, you wont regret it. I hope that all goes well with you and Brody...................Sincerely, Andrea.
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Katel
Yes i echo with my heart everything the others have said above.   Treasure every precious moment you have with your dear  boy, when he is gone you will pray for just one more moment with him like we do.
I understand how caring for him is difficult but many of us here have been through it, for months on end of weariness and trial.  For me it was a labour of pure love as I nursed 4 beloved pets through long illnesses and my life had to go on hold each time as I had no respite support either, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

You love your dear Brody and you don't want him to suffer but your vet is the one to guide you.  He may have a reasonable length of time left, or very little.  Please just love him now with all you have, I would give anything to have my babies back for just one last cuddle. 

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shantismom
I have thought about your post for several days now.  Many of us here have been through some stressful and difficult times with our beloved babies.  My cat Shanti became a diabetic, that meant two shots a day, taking a blood sample to check sugar levels and always being stressed because if he didn't eat well his glucose levels would drop and he could go into hypoglycemia and die.  I had to be home each evening by a certain time to make sure he received his shot and could not go on vacation because there was no one who could come over to give him his shots.  All this was well worth it.  He died last November and it has been a heartbreaking time for me.  That is one reason we want you to hang in there.

On the other hand, if your Brody has no joy in life anymore because of the terrible fears he has then I do not think it would be wrong to let him go and have peace.  Is he happy when you are with him?  Does he have some happiness when the two of you are not separated?  I assume that you have a long time vet who could guide you as to whether there is something that would give your boy some peace of mind.
If you can find a way to help him calm down, find a way to be with him as much as humanly possible then be with him until he has to go.  But if his fears have become so pronounced that he can't have any joy or happiness and his life is just miserable, see if your vet thinks it is time for him to find that eternal rest.

The reason I have written this is after telling you all about Shanti, I will tell you about my other cat Sable, Shanti took his medication calmly, he didn't seem to be upset by anything I had to do for him.  Sable is different, she is fearful and upset when I have to give her  anything.  She had some eye problems and after several days of getting the medication she began to live under our bed.  She would only sneak out to eat or use the litter box.  This little girl loves to be petted and fussed over, a life under the bed would not be a happy life for her.  If she ever gets something that requires constant meds and started spending all her time under the bed, then I would consider whether this is a life where she would ever be happy, I might have to make a very painful choice so that my little Sable would not live her life in misery.  Right now she has meds that she can take in her food, I would try to find some way for her to get what she needed without living in constant fear, I would try ANYTHING.  Only with no other options would I consider letting my baby go.
Marlene Wagner
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loveourdaisy
Hi there,
Everything seems so difficult right now because you are
grieving the stages your boy is going through.
He couldn't do the things he used to do even without an
anxiety problem. Brody has gotten older and physical life changes
for living things go through that process unless there is a sudden death.

You did write about the most important part of all though.
" he is only content when I am near ".
That is all that matters . . .
If you have registered at this site, your boy is most likely a soul mate.
Your soul animal. You are already grieving and he is still here.
It is natural to try and separate in an attempt to escape more grief.
What about my quality of life, mental state, etc. are good examples that
many of us have thought or said out loud.
This never works because excruciating grief will not be dismissed.

What everyone that has posted here wants to spare you from is the
worst part of grief known as the " what ifs ".
They are endless and apply to each and every one of our situations
in one form or another.
Could I have had one more week, day, hour, minute ?
Did I do everything I could ? What if I could have done something more ?
There are people here that are even grieving that they could not find a cure
for their loved one. As if that is anything they could ever have done.

You will know when Brody is ready to transition his energy.
When he is near you, maybe sitting together on the couch, look into his eyes.
His eyes will tell you. He may refuse a favorite treat or stop drinking water.
Until then, as everyone has mentioned, just BE with him.
That is why he loves you. Not for what new activity or toy you can provide.
He loves you for you.

Hug his neck, pet his head and all of the beautiful fur on his body.
Close your eyes and breathe while trying to memorize the way it feels
and the way you feel.
That will be something for you to hold onto when he is gone.

Finding someone to stay with him when you have to be gone is the best.
A person you trust to keep an eye on him, let him out a couple of times
and call you if they notice a problem.
When things have calmed down and you can relax more about the situation,
you will want to rush home. He probably won't need the meds either.

I spent six years staying home with loved ones.
After I realized this was permanent for me, I told good friends I would
not be going out anymore and so they came to see me.
It was wonderful not to have that stress.
You learn what is important and who your friends are.

Now that I don't have to stay home, there really isn't anywhere I want to go . . .



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shantismom
I am wondering Christine how you are doing.  How Brody is doing.

Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do, how to cope. Stressed out and feeling helpless to make things better.  In the end, let love be your guide.

Praying for you.

Marlene Wagner
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MurphysMom_0831
shantismom wrote:
I am wondering Christine how you are doing.  How Brody is doing.

Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do, how to cope. Stressed out and feeling helpless to make things better.  In the end, let love be your guide.

Praying for you.



Hi Marlene,

I've been wondering about precious Brody and Christine, too. I see she hasn't been back here since her original post. I really hope things are better for both of them.

Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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