Mika weighed 3 lb, she had no teeth .. she was 13 years old. I rescued her a year ago from a kill shelter, hours before she was going to be euthanized. She wasn't spayed.
She was frail and tiny and had a heart murmur. My vet thought surgery was too risky.. due to her frailty, age and heart condition.
She was the sweetest little girl ever and I loved her more than anything. More than my two other rescued dogs.. Who I've had much, much longer and love dearly. Both are completely blind, they have no eyes. But they are strong and healthy and both are spayed.. More than my fog Tiger, who I had from a tiny puppy and had to put to sleep at the age of 15.. I couldn't help loving Mika more.. she completely stole my heart..
All 3 dogs went for a walk morning and evening. Mika loved her walks, loved her food...loved to snuggle close.
2 days ago she didn't want to go on the morning walk, for the first time since I got her, a year ago. She seemed fine otherwise but wouldn't eat.. I cooked chicken to entice her and she ate it. Was active, drinking water normally, not in excess.. Going potty.. but seemed not her usual energetic self. Yesterday morning, she threw up the chicken she'd eaten and again didn't want to go on her walk. She was lethargic and looked sick. I called my vet and got her an appointment for 3,30 pm.. But she suddenly went downhill and started shaking and trembling and was completely lethargic.. her eyes closed.. I took her straight to the vet..
She was diagnosed with a closed pyometra.. Her ultrasound indicated fluid was present in large amounts.. She was in my arms, in a blanket, eyes closed not responding to her name..
Because she was critical and frail and a surgery risk..my vet wanted me to take her to a 24hr specialist vet, who could monitor her closely day and night after surgery.. But the quote was almost $4000 . I didn't have the money.. My only option was to have Mika euthanized.
My vet tried to console me.. that Mika was too far gone and already shut down.. and couldn't have lasted longer. And most likely would not have survived the surgery.. That she had had a wonderful year with me..that she otherwise would not have had..
But I'm devastated.. I'm racked with guilt..what if..what if.. did I make the wrong choice.. Could I have saved her..I let her down. Why didn't I recognize the symptoms sooner..
I don't know what to do.. I have no family for support and I can't stop crying and blaming myself..
I don't think I'll ever get past this..I can't stop crying.. I want her back.. I can't stop thinking I let her down.. I should have had her spayed, despite the risk.. I should have taken her to the 24 vet and given her the small chance of survival.. even though I would have gone deep into debt.. I'm devastated completely.. And don't know how I'll ever come to terms with the circumstances of Mika's death..