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Mika

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Mika weighed 3 lb, she had no teeth .. she was 13 years old. I rescued her a year ago from a kill shelter, hours before she was going to be euthanized. She wasn't spayed.

She was frail and tiny and had a heart murmur. My vet thought surgery was too risky.. due to her frailty, age and heart condition.

She was the sweetest little girl ever and I loved her more than anything. More than my two other rescued dogs.. Who I've had much, much longer and love dearly. Both are completely blind, they have no eyes. But they are strong and healthy and both are spayed.. More than my fog Tiger, who I had from a tiny puppy and had to put to sleep at the age of 15.. I couldn't help loving Mika more.. she completely stole my heart..

All 3 dogs went for a walk morning and evening. Mika loved her walks, loved her food...loved to snuggle close.

2 days ago she didn't want to go on the morning walk, for the first time since I got her, a year ago. She seemed fine otherwise but wouldn't eat.. I cooked chicken to entice her and she ate it. Was active, drinking water normally, not in excess.. Going potty.. but seemed not her usual energetic self. Yesterday morning, she threw up the chicken she'd eaten and again didn't want to go on her walk. She was lethargic and looked sick. I called my vet and got her an appointment for 3,30 pm.. But she suddenly went downhill and started shaking and trembling and was completely lethargic.. her eyes closed.. I took her straight to the vet..

She was diagnosed with a closed pyometra.. Her ultrasound indicated fluid was present in large amounts.. She was in my arms, in a blanket, eyes closed not responding to her name..

Because she was critical and frail and a surgery risk..my vet wanted me to take her to a 24hr specialist vet, who could monitor her closely day and night after surgery.. But the quote was almost $4000 . I didn't have  the money.. My only option was to have Mika euthanized.

My vet tried to console me.. that Mika was too far gone and already shut down.. and couldn't have lasted longer. And most likely would not have survived the surgery.. That she had had a wonderful year with me..that she otherwise would not have had..

But I'm devastated.. I'm racked with guilt..what if..what if.. did I make the wrong choice.. Could I have saved her..I let her down. Why didn't I recognize the symptoms sooner..

I don't know what to do.. I have no family for support and I can't stop crying and blaming myself..

I don't think I'll ever get past this..I can't stop crying.. I want her back.. I can't stop thinking I let her down.. I should have had her spayed, despite the risk.. I should have taken her to the 24 vet and given her the small chance of survival.. even though I would have gone deep into debt.. I'm devastated completely.. And don't know how I'll ever come to terms with the circumstances of Mika's death.. 159955182J.jpeg
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BuddyOscar

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #2 
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was a wonderful thing what you did for Mika and I'm certain you gave her the best year of her life.
I've read in many different places that one of the things our babies do is always appear strong - as in they put up with pain so that they
are at their best for us. That makes it very difficult to notice any changes going on with them in the early stages.
There also comes a time when we have to make the ultimate decision and let our babies go because keeping them would only be selfish and
for our needs, not theirs. We could have probably put my little boy through a third back surgery 6.5 weeks ago but it would have only
prolonged his suffering and there comes a point where we have to let them go to the bridge and be pain free even though it breaks our hearts so.

I will pray that you find comfort. I assure you you did the best you could and did all you could. You did the right thing.

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Mika

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Posts: 9
Reply with quote  #3 

Thank you for the kind words.. But I just can't see me moving past this. I've had dogs all my life.. always rescue dogs, all of them special needs and/or senior. I've lost them to cancer.. to a brain tumor, to old age.. But never to something that was preventable..

I know Mika was old and frail, had been neglected all her life and had a heart murmur.. and my vet advised against spay surgery.. But I should have insisted on having her spayed..

I've cried buckets for the beautiful dogs who have passed, before Mika.. But I've never felt like this ...



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Tommyhunter123

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Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #4 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mika


Mika weighed 3 lb, she had no teeth .. she was 13 years old. I rescued her a year ago from a kill shelter, hours before she was going to be euthanized. She wasn't spayed.

She was frail and tiny and had a heart murmur. My vet thought surgery was too risky.. due to her frailty, age and heart condition.

She was the sweetest little girl ever and I loved her more than anything. More than my two other rescued dogs.. Who I've had much, much longer and love dearly. Both are completely blind, they have no eyes. But they are strong and healthy and both are spayed.. More than my fog Tiger, who I had from a tiny puppy and had to put to sleep at the age of 15.. I couldn't help loving Mika more.. she completely stole my heart..

All 3 dogs went for a walk morning and evening. Mika loved her walks, loved her food...loved to snuggle close.

2 days ago she didn't want to go on the morning walk, for the first time since I got her, a year ago. She seemed fine otherwise but wouldn't eat.. I cooked chicken to entice her and she ate it. Was active, drinking water normally, not in excess.. Going potty.. but seemed not her usual energetic self. Yesterday morning, she threw up the chicken she'd eaten and again didn't want to go on her walk. She was lethargic and looked sick. I called my vet and got her an appointment for 3,30 pm.. But she suddenly went downhill and started shaking and trembling and was completely lethargic.. her eyes closed.. I took her straight to the vet..

She was diagnosed with a closed pyometra.. Her ultrasound indicated fluid was present in large amounts.. She was in my arms, in a blanket, eyes closed not responding to her name..

Because she was critical and frail and a surgery risk..my vet wanted me to take her to a 24hr specialist vet, who could monitor her closely day and night after surgery.. But the quote was almost $4000 . I didn't have  the money.. My only option was to have Mika euthanized.

My vet tried to console me.. that Mika was too far gone and already shut down.. and couldn't have lasted longer. And most likely would not have survived the surgery.. That she had had a wonderful year with me..that she otherwise would not have had..

But I'm devastated.. I'm racked with guilt..what if..what if.. did I make the wrong choice.. Could I have saved her..I let her down. Why didn't I recognize the symptoms sooner..

I don't know what to do.. I have no family for support and I can't stop crying and blaming myself..

I don't think I'll ever get past this..I can't stop crying.. I want her back.. I can't stop thinking I let her down.. I should have had her spayed, despite the risk.. I should have taken her to the 24 vet and given her the small chance of survival.. even though I would have gone deep into debt.. I'm devastated completely.. And don't know how I'll ever come to terms with the circumstances of Mika's death.. 159955182J.jpeg

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David R. Gaspari
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Mika

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Reply with quote  #5 


I cannot cope with the loss of Mika.. I can't handle the what if I'd done this...what if I'd done that.. I will never recover from this ..
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Tommyhunter123

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Reply with quote  #6 
My Luckydog beagle, has been gone for 7 weeks last night at 5:55 pm, we pretty much went for a walk on tuesday night and from there he went downhill the vets said he was in kidney and liver failure and the mass they found when he was 12 could not be operated on due to his age then. When he passed he was 14 i had to mkke the same decision to have him put to his final sleep. I watch him go from a 14 year old beagle pretty healthy to a 114 year old in 1.5 days. I still cry everyday, its very different thatn losing a person in your life, they say its unconditional love, but there is a condition put on us the decision of them living or passing. My vets both of them told me after that I did the right thing. So, its very hard for us, i will keep you in my prayers.
david r gaspari

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David R. Gaspari
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Tommyhunter123

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Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mika


I cannot cope with the loss of Mika.. I can't handle the what if I'd done this...what if I'd done that.. I will never recover from this ..

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David R. Gaspari
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Tommyhunter123

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Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #8 
I did the same thing you are doing saying what if what if what if, we all say that you will get past this after awhile, i still morn my luckydog and its been 7 weeks, after my beagle luckydog was put to his final sleep, both vets assured me that I did the right thing. I am sure you did the same. Here is my personal e mail if you want to talk privately.
davidcynthia122@gmail.com


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David R. Gaspari
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #9 
Mika is so beautiful. Dear sweet little Soul.

In the vet's opinion, she was not fit enough for surgery. They don't say that lightly. If they advise against surgery it is for a reason. It figures that if they go ahead with an operation, they make far more money! So to advise against it....

Dear little Mika could have passed away on the table, if you had insisted on a spay months and months ago. She wouldn't have known that precious time with you, all the love, being loved and needed, and being part of a happy home.

Pyometra can often be deadly. It is a very very serious major illness. Especially for a dog who is unwell and frail. The symptoms are unclear many times. A 'closed pyometra' has even less definite symptoms. There are a hundred different reasons a dog doesn't want to eat one day. Usually by the time it happens a second day we realise they need the vet. But that's how it usually goes. We can't always know what is wrong with them. If everyone rushed their dogs to the vet because they didn't finish their dinner just once, that would be millions of dogs.
Pyometra symptoms are sometimes vague.

I honestly don't know how you could have done better for Mika. You gave her so much love and care for that last year of her life and so much kindness. You didn't let her down.

She has passed into Spirit and is still alive there, but in a whole new way. She still loves you very much, and now is free from a body that didn't work very well.

Bless her Soul.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Mika

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you for the replies..they've really helped me.. Thank you so much for taking time to reply and for the kind words.

I was in a terrible place.. I walked into the vet with Mika thinking she'd maybe be put on antibiotics. I walked out alone, in tears. And the first night and following day.. I was in a very deep grief..

Everyone who replied helped me immensely and I thank you, very much.. I have 2 other dogs who need me and deserve my full attention.. so I've turned my energy to them.. and life goes on. 

When the time is right, I'll rescue another special needs senior on death row at the shelter.. there are too many of them. Neglected all their life, then dumped to be killed :(

I know now that their time with me might not be long.. but I can love them and let them know their life matters.. I wish for peace of mind to everyone, going through the grieving for their beloved pets..
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Radars_mom

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Reply with quote  #11 
Bravo to you for rescuing the special needs seniors, God knows they need you! I got our special Mikey, in honor of my Radar's passing. He's been such a blessing and joy to our home. I keep telling myself not to get too attached because he's got neurological issues and is already up in years, and may not have much longer....but, it's impossible. I can't hold back the love for him and I don't want to; he deserves every day he has with us to be filled with love and snuggles. <3 God bless you on your road to recovery--it will be tough, but you will get there. Stay connected with people who understand and steer clear of those who don't/won't/can't. Good luck, sweetie!

--
Sara
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Dalidog

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Reply with quote  #12 
I'm so sorry for the loss of Mika.  She was such a lucky baby to have you take care of her and give her a wonderful last year.  There are no words of comfort, just understanding.  My girl had Pyometra and had surgery at 11 1/2 years old.  She lived another year and then died very suddenly within a week of getting ill.  I did some research and found out that most dogs that have the surgery die within a year, and I have been devastated.  You gave Mika the love she needed and in return she gave you her unconditional love.  It is odd how some furbabies just steal our hearts.  Try to take comfort that you saved her and gave her a wonderful year.   She will be with you.  You are truly a wonderful person to rescue an older furbaby and give it such love.  Hugs to you and your Mika from me and my Dali
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Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Mika

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Reply with quote  #13 


Thank you for the kind words. After a couple of good nights, last night was very difficult.
I couldn't stop playing everything over and over, in my head. And the what ifs..wouldn't stop.

I had to get out of bed and spend the night on the sofa, with the TV on.. to help get my mind off those thoughts.

I have 2 beautiful fur babies with no eyes. Lily is 14, Lola is 5. Lola was a stray, who was attacked at the pound by another dog and had to have her damaged eyes removed.. I adopted her, the day the pound removed both her eyes.. And Lily is an abuse case, I've had her 9 years.,. They need me and their lives must go on..  

But a dog has never touched me like Mika did and I've never gone through anything like this grief I'm going through..

It is getting easier though, the crying and panic attacks are not as frequent. But at night my mind gets filled with thoughts and what ifs, that I can't control..

The photo is one of my 2 remaining fur babies, Lola, the day I adopted her and months later. My vet had to redo her surgery 2 days after I adopted her. The shelter completely botched it. Leaving her in extreme pain, swollen and infected.. She has no clue she's blind. She runs at the park, full speed off the leash, never bumping into anything. She jumps up onto the sofa and leaps back down, off it.. She plays fetch and is an amazing girl... 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope like me this forum brings you some peace..
10270678_423287214475994_8372722018140742305_n.jpg

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Dalidog

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Reply with quote  #14 
Your furbabies are beautiful and I know they bring you great joy.  It takes a special person to adopt abused, blind, shelter dogs....and I know they must be a joy.  It is so sad the pain they have had to endure, but it gives me peace to know that someone like you is taking care of them.  All creatures deserve the best.  I hope you are doing okay.  The what-ifs will haunt me forever.  I know that pain.  I just keep telling myself that I should have known, but I didn't.  I did the best I could, but it was time that God wanted them back.  Hugs to you and all of your beautiful furbabies from me and my Dali
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Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Mallorysue11

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Reply with quote  #15 
Im so very sorry. I am going through almost exact same thing. Just this morning I had to put my dog down due to this infection. I am broken. Completely broke. We rescued her last October. We moved to a new town and just completely forgot about getting her spayed. A week ago she started bleeding and was in heat. As each day progressed she seemed better so i thought “okay shes okay...ill call and schedule her spay surgery as soon as they approve and shes for sure not in heat”. Then Thursday came (todays Saturday) and she did a 360. Wouldnt even get up. Could tell she was in total discomfort. Took her in this morning (mind you in old town- an hour away) and got the news. Her uterus was completely filled with pus AND she had a huge mass in her bladder. On top of that, she is now/was nearly blind within that week. The shelter when we adopted her thought she had something wrong with her eyes but the vet said no. Today, as we returned they said she did indeed have an issue. Anyhow....after blood work and xrays and the report of her having dangerously low blood count and anemia...the vet gave me my options. He could do emergency surgery but there was a large chance she would bleed out and die and they did not have blood on hand to give her a transfusion. So , I could risk it working...or have her die alone in the middle of night in a cage there. Second option was to find a 24 hr vet that could give her a blood transfusion and do the surgery...that was estimated at $5000+ not including the mass in her bladder issue. It was so hard. I could have maxed out my credit card and taken 5 yrs to pay that off.....but the vet already believed she was old (we never knew her age). I for sure wasnt going to risk her dying alone in a cage overnight so I had to make that choice of ending it then and there. I feel EXTREMELY guilty. Its my fault completely. If I would have taken the iniative IMMEDIATELY after rescuing her and had her spayed, she would be alive today. Im a terrible dog parent and want to die myself. I cant stop crying. Im a total wreck. To make it even worse, this Thursday marks 1 yr we had to put out other rescue down in that very same room. We had him a good 7 years. To bury two dogs in less than a years span is brutal. I hate it. I feel like I should never have a pet again.
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