NorasDad
Last week, I put my 16 year-old kitty Nora to sleep. I agonized over this decision. She developed 'mega colon', and became constantly constipated, and lost control of her faculties. I made an actual list of the things she didn't enjoy anymore, and the worst one of all was the fact that she feared me, if I went to her with a syringe of medication, or a wet cloth to clean her backside. The night before I took her in to be euthanized, we slept together for the last time, and I told her how much she was loved, and thanked her for the years of unwaivering companionship.  I knew her condition would not get better, and am ok with the decision. I wept like a baby as I said goodbye to her. 

I'm now riddled with guilt. Should I have done more medical treatments (more enemas for her, possibly surgery)? She looked healthy as I said goodbye, which haunts me now. In my head I know it was the best decision, but my heart is weighing in, now. 

Do others feel this way? I feel like I played G-d... My vet was supportive and understanding. She first discussed treatment, and when I said I wasn't there for treatment (for the third time), and realized the condition was chronic, I was strong about the decision to put her out of pain...  

Any feedback is helpful to me. She was with me for 13 years (I adopted her from a shelter when she was 3). She was loved so hard, no one could have cared better for her.

Grieving,
NorasDad  
NorasDad
Quote 0 0
danzey
Nora's Dad...........


Your story is my story (exactly), only the name is different, my kitty is Boo and he suffered all his life; I hope that wasn't the case for Nora.  You weren't playing God, you are Nora's hero, and you were that the moment you took her home with you (she knew that too, I promise).  All you did was continue to be her hero.  You didn't want her to hurt anymore, it's as simple as that. If you'd like tell us all about Nora.  My Boo, he was a stray, all white with the prettiest blue eye's ever!  Tonight (Monday), there's a candle lighting service here on this web-site.  You'll get a chance to tell Nora how your feeling.  If you want "click-in" and join us, no one is a stranger there; whether it's your first time or you've been every week;  I promise you; you won't feel like an outsider if you stop by............danzey 
Quote 0 0
NorasDad
Thanks Danzey, those words help. It sounds like you can empathize with your Boo.  Nora was the only adult cat in a sea of kittens being fostered in the back of a pet store. She was picked up in NJ (where I live) without a tag, collar or chip. I said to my friend, if this cat lets me pick her up, she's mine! And she did. Since then, we spent every night (and lazy afternoons together). A few years later, another stray entered our lives (Hamilton), and for the past 9 years, it's been the three of us. Nora was a beautiful short cream domestic (trying to upload a pic). She was social, but really clung to me. She hated when I vacationed, and left her for a few days, but she got over it quick upon my return. 

I know she didn't take me for granted. She was a grateful kitty. She knew when I was blue, and was there to pick me up. She wasn't in pain very long; however, we all know cats mask pain very well. She may have been in a lot of pain for the past month, or longer,  but I know the last couple of weeks, I needed to make a decision.

I read about the candlelight vigil. I think I may do it, and maybe it will help. Thank you for your words.  
NorasDad
Quote 0 0
AliceM
I am so sorry for your loss NorasDad.  Its hard when we have to determine when is the right time to say goodbye.  I think we all second guess our decisions but our babies know that we are doing the best we can.  My thoughts are with you.
Quote 0 0
danzey
NorasDad..........I tried everything I could think of to help Boo, but even now (like you) I think maybe there was something else I missed and could have tried(?)  It really doesn't matter though, because (if nothing else), Boo feels so much better now and I would never take that away from him.  Is Hamilton Nora's boyfriend?  Boo's girlfriend is Kimmy (I've asked her to do the candle lighting with be tonight, so we'll see(?)  I'll see you tonight, but if not I'll add Nora's name to the prayer list.............danzey
Quote 0 0
NorasDad
Thanks so much. I uploaded a photo to her Name on the candle lighting ceremony page. I am going to try to make it. 
NorasDad
Quote 0 0
NorasDad
Nora_2015.jpg 
NorasDad
Quote 0 0
AliceM
She is beautiful.
Quote 0 0
shantismom
Your Nora is a beauty.  My cat Shanti had health problems for years, he had astma and irritable bowel disease and in the last 8 months of his life he had diabetes.  6 weeks before he died things went down hill for my sweet boy.  The first diagnosis was pancreatitis but after several weeks and a blood test it turned out to be pancreatic cancer.  The day the vet told me I took him in, I felt enough is enough for my little boy and I did not want him to suffer one more day.  Afterward I did have some second thoughts, maybe with pain meds he could have had some more time.  The vet told me if I had done that it would be for me not Shanti.
The same holds true for you, you wanted you precious baby to be free from pain and problems and that is exactly how things are now.  No pain, no problems.  Now you have the hurt in order to spare her anymore hurt.  That is what love is about.
We all feel guilty for one reason or another but as I told someone else, our grief fuels our guilt.  You loved you baby even up to the final act of love.  I am sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers will all the other grieving people.
Marlene Wagner
Quote 0 0
Bellamum
Your Nora is so beautiful.  I am so sorry that you are experiencing this overwhelming heartache after saying goodbye to her.  We all understand because we are living it too.

Guilt.....it is a horrible "add on" to our feelings of intense grief.  I think we all feel guilt and regret of some kind after our dearly loved furbabies leave for Rainbow Bridge, no matter what the circumstances are.  I think the questioning comes from the fact that we adore our companions and want to be the best parent possible.  We want to make everything ok for them and when we can't, we begin to blame ourselves and question if we did enough or if we acted too hastily.

I said my saddest goodbye to my gorgeous beagle, Bella, nearly 12 months ago and I tormented myself with doubts and guilt for so long after I made the decision to end her suffering.  Like you said, my head knew it was the right decision, but my heart just couldn't accept it.  For many weeks I was a wreck - my grief was tearing me apart, and then added to that was my extreme guilt.  I actually started to doubt my own sanity.  Eventually, with time, I was able to let go of the guilt and mourn my loss of Bella properly. Only then did I start to feel any sense of peace or acceptance with my decision. It also allowed me to focus on my immense feelings of gratitude that I feel because I was the one who was privileged to be her mum.

I now look on my decision (and yours) as the most loving gift we could ever give Nora and Bella.  We ignored our own desire to have them with us forever and concentrated only on what was the best for them.  We didn't ever want to knowingly let them suffer....and we knew that they were beginning to suffer.  Be proud of yourself for putting Nora first.  She would be so grateful.

Know that the only reason you are feeling this immense pain now is because you were blessed beyond your wildest imagination with a bond that was so deep.  We were so lucky....and we know it.

I wish you peace and healing and a release from any thoughts of guilt or regret.  Remember your beautiful girl, not by the last moments, but by the many, many moments of sheer joy and love that you shared.  I hope those memories will soon bring you more smiles than tears.
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
Quote 0 0
NorasDad
Thanks Karen (and all). Your words help more than you know. Only us pet lovers really understand the bond. Karen, wanting to have Bella around is the same as I wanted Nora around longer. I just didn't want her to continue to fear me.  I wanted our precious time at the end to be somewhat pleasant, not with medication, surgery and more suffering. 13 years with a lovely girl.. I'll take it. Hugs. 
NorasDad
Quote 0 0