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daisymaesmom
Deborah and bellasmom - it's great you both had a sign. I struggle to think I got signs from Daisy. She had been getting more and more averse to getting her pain pills, and I specifically remember an incident a week before that I got a feeling from her, when she locked her jaw and I had to pry her mouth open, that she really wanted me to stop giving her the pills. Also, the night before we brought her to the vet she gave me a kiss on the mouth (and she hadn't done that in a while).

I don't know. Sometimes I think I should have tried to sleep downstairs on the couch with her in her bed because that would have made it easier on my husband too. I could easily help her out if she needed to go or was restless and my husband could get the sleep he needed upstairs. But, that's not how it was all those years and daisy wanted to be upstairs in bed against my legs.

Buddysmom - I feel for you. You are weeks ahead of me in this new norm without our soulmates and I can see how a lot of what you say will resonate with me. I hugged my mom's dog for a long time today while everyone else was downstairs chatting away. I think she was actually consoling me (well until she pushed her legs out wanting me to pet her belly). I also have the issue of being alone while my son is in school, but it's only been 2 days and I was busy doing errands. I've been feeling OK the last few days and two people called to check on me, dog lovers that get it, and I probably sounded OK to them. Because I was in that moment. Of all people I don't want them to think I'm OK. I told them that get caught me at a time when I was ok, but if they called me earlier or the day before I wouldn't have been. I felt like it was disrespectful to Daisy. I wasn't laughing and telling jokes, just not crying. But, its done. I was busy getting our summer house ready for college students and had a focused mind. Now that that is done, I hope I dont break down.

My mom got her ashes last Fri while we were away and I got them today. Going to think about how I want to set up a little memorial area up for her.

Thank you Olga four your comment too. I agree about God will take care of them and I will see her again someday. A dog-lover friend of mine said I should expect to see a sign from her sometime soon. Well the other day a hummingbird was fluttering very close to me; I mean so close I could hear the wings flapping loudly in my ear. He flew up a bit and looked back and flew close to me then back up to the tree. Never happened before. Was it my Mae telling me she was OK? I hope so. When thinking of what tho do I also had seen hummingbirds in different places I hadn't seen before. Maybe it was as friend of hers from her past telling me its OK. Or maybe I'm just looking for it!!!
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daisymaesmom
Just giving an update.  it's more for me to get my feelings out.  There are so many entries here, so many of us mourning our loss.  it just shows how profound our relationships are with our fur babies. 

It's been over a month now and I am still feeling guilty over deciding to have my Daisy Mae put down and still feel upset at the few times I got mad at her for needing me so much near the end.  I was tired, was up through the night with her, and had a short fuse.  Or was it that it was really time and it needed to be done.  I still think of how she felt laying on me on the way to the vet with her head right under my chin.  I haven't moved her big bed out of the living room and I still have her blanket (that we brought for her that day at the vet) and her collar on it.  my husband removed the ramp that we had off the deck for her a while ago.  I still have the stand and her bowls there, haven't regained the closet space in the kitchen where her food is.  just can't let go.  she is part of me still.  it's the worst thing to have to do.  I am waiting to feel like those who told me "some day you will realize it was the best for her".  am I selfish?  I don't know.  I just miss her so much.  sometimes when I feel depressed and wonder why I remember that a part of me got ripped out that day and is still healing.  I've laughed, had happy times, and can actually exist in life, so that got better, but i'm still missing her and feeling guilty and sad.  I was so blessed to have her.  I know you all know how I feel. 
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