Mworley1125
I most say this is not ne of the hardest losses that I have ever experienced. On Tuesday I lost my dear Siamese Pumpkin. I adopted my sweet boy from the Animal Control in my community. He was a one person cat and I was fortunate enough that he choose me out of my family of 4. Pumpkin had been diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy in 2014. He was only given 6 weeks to live and he beat it by 2 years. He was my love he was like one of my children. I babied him spoon feed him his medication ( he was spoiled) he would eat his dry food himself. He was my shadow he would sleep at the end of my bed and nightly we would sit on the porch. Pumpkin loved the outside so very much but he slept inside and layed around next to me while I would complete my task ( work at home). Pumpkin had a remarkable talent and unless you heard him you wouldn't believe it but Pumpkin would say mama even my vet heard him. This is the rough part: On Monday I went to the vet with our new adopted kitten that we found in our yard. I spoke to the vet about Pumpkins hard breathing and rapid heartbeat we decided it was best to not let him suffer and I was to bring him in Wednesday for him to be put to sleep and in no more pain. Even though Pumpkin was eating and playing however he wasn't purring for the past week. On Tuesday morning I noticed Pumkin at the end of my bed sitting up very early and I told him it was still night night time. When I woke a couple of hours later he was still sitting there not laying down as usual. I got up petted him went to the kitchen to give his food with his meds he ate it very well. I noticed he had cleaned his food bowl and the kittens food bowl sometime in the night. I petted him and he was purring for the first time in a week. We went out for our usual morning porch time. I went in to check on my children but when I returned Pumpkin was under my truck. I yelled for him when I saw him he just looked instead of coming to me so I went to him he was breathing awful so I picked him up to bring him inside to get him to the vet. He jumped out of my arms and his back feet weren't working he couldn't get up the steps. I picked him up again got him inside and he jumped out of my arms again and layed there so I got the carrier and he went in but then hoped out and flew to the bathroom he started thrashing around all I could do was scream for help and I ran to get my 17 year old son. When we returned he had passed my baby had a horrible death the vet had told me that if he ever passed a blood clot it would be very fast and Pumpkin would have no pain but this wasn't the case. It hurts so bad the loss of my sweet boy those beautiful blue eyes. I failed him I thought he was better that morning his eyes were so clear and his breathing had slowed and he was purring and eating then he was gone. I couldn't get him help fast enough. It hurts so bad all I can do is cry I miss him so terribly and no one understands in my household. I lost one of my babies
Melissa
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GunnersMama
I'm so sorry for your loss of Pumpkin. It feels like your whole world just stops and you can't breathe. Your heart breaks in a million pieces. Please don't blame yourself. They say that animals seem to act better before they pass. You gave your baby a wonderful life. You did everything right. If I was in your situation I would have done the same thing. We had 2 very unexpected passings of 2 of our babies within 5 months. Our Gunner was gone immediately and our Squiggy was gone in a little over an hour. Grief is a horrible roller coaster of emotions. Just don't hold it in. Cry if you need to cry and scream if you need to scream. Sometimes you can only take it minute by minute, hour by hour or day by day. Be kind to yourself. I'm glad that you found this forum. Everyone here knows how you're feeling because we have all been through it too. I wish your heart peace. Sending hugs and prayers.
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Mworley1125
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for the loss of your babies.
Melissa
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CKMP
Melissa,
I am so so sorry for your loss of Pumpkin.  You have lost one of your babies - grief has a life of its own.  And, a time period that it decides is right.  It does feel as if all is lost, the world doesn't seem like the same place, and what once mattered seems not to matter at all.  Do not let guilt in though as this will outlast anything else and will tear you apart.  Tears will fall, minutes will drag by, no one will seem to understand, and you will feel you are alone.  You are not alone, as on this forum there are so many kind and caring people who do understand and do know what this journey of grief does to each of us.  It is a loss of one who was a friend, a confidante perhaps, a symbol of your life experiences shared.  While it is difficult to do, it is critical to embrace your grief and as GunnersMama says - cry, scream, take it minute by minute if you have too.  Your shadow will never leave you - and through the tears and desperation you will begin to feel your 'Pumpkin shadow' close at hand.  He will still be your 'work colleague', your 'porch company' and one of your 'children'.  Forever will be the bond.  Take care.
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Mworley1125
Thank you so much for your kind words and feeling of not being alone through this.
Melissa
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jimmy17
Hi Melissa, I am so very sorry for your loss of Pumpkin.  The pain is unbearable at the beginning, and you will wonder just how you can go on without Pumpkin by your side, he was a member of your family who relied on you for his every need. When I lost my dog 7 months ago, I didn`t think I would ever feel "normal" again - `we`ve no kids, so he was our baby for 17 years.  But very slowly it does get a little better day by day, coming here to this forum helped me so much - just knowing you`re not alone . Sometimes friends and family don`t realise the deep bond we share with our animals, but everyone here understands totally.   
 I have also heard it said that animals ( and humans ) seem to act as if they`re better just before they pass, its almost as if they want you to remember them as they were. Just know you gave Pumpkin a wonderful life, and he will forever be in your heart.   Take care

                                                                                                        Hugs, Jackie






J Taylor
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Mworley1125
Thank you Jackie .
Melissa
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Mworley1125
Mworley1125 wrote:
I most say this is not ne of the hardest losses that I have ever experienced. On Tuesday I lost my dear Siamese Pumpkin. I adopted my sweet boy from the Animal Control in my community. He was a one person cat and I was fortunate enough that he choose me out of my family of 4. Pumpkin had been diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy in 2014. He was only given 6 weeks to live and he beat it by 2 years. He was my love he was like one of my children. I babied him spoon feed him his medication ( he was spoiled) he would eat his dry food himself. He was my shadow he would sleep at the end of my bed and nightly we would sit on the porch. Pumpkin loved the outside so very much but he slept inside and layed around next to me while I would complete my task ( work at home). Pumpkin had a remarkable talent and unless you heard him you wouldn't believe it but Pumpkin would say mama even my vet heard him. This is the rough part: On Monday I went to the vet with our new adopted kitten that we found in our yard. I spoke to the vet about Pumpkins hard breathing and rapid heartbeat we decided it was best to not let him suffer and I was to bring him in Wednesday for him to be put to sleep and in no more pain. Even though Pumpkin was eating and playing however he wasn't purring for the past week. On Tuesday morning I noticed Pumkin at the end of my bed sitting up very early and I told him it was still night night time. When I woke a couple of hours later he was still sitting there not laying down as usual. I got up petted him went to the kitchen to give his food with his meds he ate it very well. I noticed he had cleaned his food bowl and the kittens food bowl sometime in the night. I petted him and he was purring for the first time in a week. We went out for our usual morning porch time. I went in to check on my children but when I returned Pumpkin was under my truck. I yelled for him when I saw him he just looked instead of coming to me so I went to him he was breathing awful so I picked him up to bring him inside to get him to the vet. He jumped out of my arms and his back feet weren't working he couldn't get up the steps. I picked him up again got him inside and he jumped out of my arms again and layed there so I got the carrier and he went in but then hoped out and flew to the bathroom he started thrashing around all I could do was scream for help and I ran to get my 17 year old son. When we returned he had passed my baby had a horrible death the vet had told me that if he ever passed a blood clot it would be very fast and Pumpkin would have no pain but this wasn't the case. It hurts so bad the loss of my sweet boy those beautiful blue eyes. I failed him I thought he was better that morning his eyes were so clear and his breathing had slowed and he was purring and eating then he was gone. I couldn't get him help fast enough. It hurts so bad all I can do is cry I miss him so terribly and no one understands in my household. I lost one of my babies
Melissa
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Mworley1125
Yesterday was a month of you being gone. Oh how we still miss you. I still can't grasp how this could be but I do know your not suffering any longer. Loves you always my sweet Pumpkin.
Melissa
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