Hello Avabears mummy. You must not feel guilty for anything.It's good in some ways that you have managed to take another step forward and even sleeping in your own bed must be a big step for you. Even tiny changes to the routine we had just seem enormous in the beginning.
It may seem deep, but as I've got older I look at life so differently. I see life as a road. A to Z. We are born at A and eventually have to get to Z. But time doesn't stand still at all, so we have to keep moving along that road. We might get a smooth, straight path for a while, where we can look around us and enjoy what we see, but at various points it is going to get hard to keep going. But we can't stop. Time doesn't stop. Every bump, obstacle, every hole, every hill, however steep, we have to keep moving to get over it or around it. And sometimes the hills seem mountainous and it is a struggle for us but we have to keep going. But at some point we will reach the top and can breathe again. Occasionally the road branches off, and we have to decide which path to take. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes wrong. Sometimes we have the chance to go back and find the right path.
So, Ava's mummy, for a long time you were struggling up that hill while Ava was sick and it was getting harder and harder. You couldn't see the top and you were hurting. But that steep hill can't go on forever. It may now turn into gentle slope, and be much easier to travel along. Each tiny step you take, including moving to your bed, you will be getting closer to that gentle incline..
And as for the branches in the road? You will reach the one that leads you to your new puppy and you will know when you get there. So you will have chance to walk along that long, straight road of life again, enjoying your surroundings....with a new fur baby walking beside you 😊
With love and kind thoughts
" The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal" C.S. Lewis