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September
Hello Avabears mummy. You must not feel guilty for anything.It's good in some ways that you have managed to take another step forward and even sleeping in your own bed must be a big step for you. Even tiny changes to the routine we had just seem enormous in the beginning.

It may seem deep, but as I've got older I look at life so differently. I see life as a road. A to Z. We are born at A and eventually have to get to Z. But time doesn't stand still at all, so we have to keep moving along that road. We might get a smooth, straight path for a while, where we can look around us and enjoy what we see, but at various points it is going to get hard to keep going. But we can't stop. Time doesn't stop. Every bump, obstacle, every hole, every hill, however steep, we have to keep moving to get over it or around it. And sometimes the hills seem mountainous and it is a struggle for us but we have to keep going. But at some point we will reach the top and can breathe again. Occasionally the road branches off, and we have to decide which path to take. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes wrong. Sometimes we have the chance to go back and find the right path.

So, Ava's mummy, for a long time you were struggling up that hill while Ava was sick and it was getting harder and harder. You couldn't see the top and you were hurting. But that steep hill can't go on forever. It may now turn into gentle slope, and be much easier to travel along. Each tiny step you take, including moving to your bed, you will be getting closer to that gentle incline..

And as for the branches in the road? You will reach the one that leads you to your new puppy and you will know when you get there. So you will have chance to walk along that long, straight road of life again, enjoying your surroundings....with a new fur baby walking beside you 😊

With love and kind thoughts

Lynda
X



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"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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Avabear
Thank you for this Lynda, it's a beautiful way to look at it and yes i think you are right, the world does keep turning, life does keep marching forward and one day at a time, one step at a time we move on with it.
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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September
And don't forget....Ava will always be walking at the other side of you too....❤️

Xxxx
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"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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catiebee
Avabears Mummy, I hope your back will start to feel better soon. 

Kudos on making your way back to your own bed. I imagine it will be a real adjustment, spending nights in your bedroom again after so long. I am glad you had the positive memory of the way Ava used to be with you there. It is easy for me to imagine her resting her head on your bed and saying good morning. 

I hope today and this weekend will treat you kindly and gently. Sending warm thoughts with care...
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel
Avabear's Mom,

I am glad to read that you are sleeping in our bed again. I find it amazing how you found the answer on doing so with your body "talking" to you. You have no more reason to sleep on the sofa. I do believe your sweet memory of Ava came at the right moment to show you something. And I hope you will have a very lovely sleep tonight and a nice dream.

Maybe spring is kind over the easter holidays and you might want to go for a beautiful walk, listen to the birds singing and have Ava's spirit at your side.

Many hugs to you
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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Purzel
Hi Avabear's Mom,

I hope you had nice easter holidays, good sleep and lovely dreams. Just passing by to send some fresh hugs.
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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Avabear
Hi all,  I haven't posted for a while to be honest things have been tough.  It's been over a month since Ava died and I feel like I should be doing better which is stupid because I know that grief doesn't work like that.  I have days when it's almost like I'm in denial that she's gone and talk to her as though she is right next to me because it comforts me and makes it seem like she is still alive, then something will happen and reality hits and the pain washes over me.  I have moments when I panick because I can't remember what she looked like or how she sounded and the reality that she's moving into a memory one that will never completely fade but will slowly lose it's vibrancy as time continues to drift by.  During the first week she was so vivid in my mind, full technicolour with sounds and smells as if she was right there and as time passes I know it will become less.  I try to remember certain things about Jasmine, like what her fur felt like, how she smelt or noises she made and although I have memories of what she was like and things we did I can't remember so many things and I know this will be how it will be with Ava, I will remember things but so much will fade and that makes me so so sad because she was such a big and vital part of my life.

I hope everyone's doing ok, this road is long and has many different stages some of which repeat over and over but i hope everyone is doing ok xx
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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Purzel
Avabear's Mom,

I still talk to Max and he has been gone for 3 months now - it simply comforts me and there is abso nothing wrong in doing so. I still enjoy him... why not? His spirit will forever live on in my heart and soul.

I hope I can comfort you a little by telling you that the mind never loses anything - in my crazy but very vivid fantasy I imagine it to be like some kinda library with gazillions of drawers and everything you have ever experienced in your life is stored in those drawers. Be sure that there is an Ava-drawer which will always remain there. There is also a Jasmine-drawer and maybe you did not open it so much so a little dust might be living around this drawer. But it's all there and will forever be.

My heart goes out to you and many hugs
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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RileysMom
Have you ever watched Sherlock, the BBC version? He talks from time to time about his “mind palace”. Apparently, it’s a real thing called the method of loci, or memory theater. It’s a technique where you visualize a complex place where you can store memories, like a house or a road with multiple addresses. In the house version, each room keeps a specific item you want to remember.

Yeah... I don’t have that. I think it’s fascinating, in fact, I bought a book about it that someone had recommended to me. Still have not gotten around to reading it though. I probably should, perhaps it would help!

I once took a two week cruise and vacation to Alaska with my family when I was 17– I can barely remember it. And, I don’t mean now after all this time. I mean even in my early 20’s, I could hardly recall anything about it. If I see a picture, I will remember that we did that. But, I do not remember details, sights, smells, impressions of that trip. Despite how it sounds, I do not have a memory disease or problem. Some things, I remember quite well in fact. It’s just the types of things I remember are not necessarily the little details I would like to remember from time to time.

If you’re into Meyers Briggs and MBTI, that kind of memory ability I referred to in the beginning, that’s related to the Ti and slightly the Si cognitive functions. Some people have those functions strongly, others don’t. I am one who is weaker in those areas.

When you said memories were losing their vibrancy and weren’t in technicolor anymore— I thought that was a really good description. I wrote all this, not to talk about myself, but I wanted you to know I understand. I understand very much. Those panicky moments you’ve had, I had similar ones with Riley. I still do from time to time. My past dogs, I do remember some things about them, but not all the details I want to remember.

I wish there was something I could say that would stop these processes from happening and that could bring immense comfort. I just don’t know and am struggling with it myself. But, you are not alone with this. Not at all. I’m sorry for the pain that this can bring. But at least there is one thing that can never be taken away, and that is our love for them. That we will remember forever.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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catiebee
I am not surprised that things have been so rough, Avabear's Mummy, but I sure am sorry you've been suffering so. Grief is just cruel sometimes and huge waves of it are hard to bear. I hope the sharpest edges of your pain will ease. 

It really is hard, knowing that memories won't stay as clear as when we had our babies and when they first passed. It is sad because we want to keep every part of them close always and yet recall does fade and  even fail over time. It breaks my heart, how few specific things I remember about my first dog Misha. I am glad we can at least write some special things down.

Thinking of you, wishing you comfort today and over the weekend. Truly hoping things start to get a little easier. Hugs to you!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel
Hi Avabears Mom,

I have been thinking of you today - two more weeks since you last posted here. I hope that you are feeling a bit better by now and things get easier for you.

Wanted to send fresh hugs your way
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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