Hi everyone,
My name is Ruby and I am currently in the process of pre grieving.
Just a little background info, I just turned 20 and am a full time college student. I live with my parents as I try to earn my degree in radiography.
I have a dog. Her name is Lady. She is a miniature schnauzer, and is very old. She turned 14 last February. I have had Lady since I was 5 years old. She is my everything.
I have been crying frequently because I am so afraid to lose my childhood dog.
When did this start? Well, a couple months ago, I was home alone. I got home early from work, and was waiting for my best friend to pick me up so we could go to a nail salon. I was sitting at the kitchen table when I saw Lady in the distance collapse. I just thought she fell. Wanting to make sure she was okay, I got up and walked over to her. But... she didn’t fall. She was having a seizure. She kept trying to stand, but only half of her body was working. She kept uncontrollably collapsing and rolling on her back. I was screaming the entire time. I felt like I was watching her die.
Ever since I witnessed that, I have become stressed about her future death. I don’t want her to die, that my grades will drop, and I don’t get accepted into the program.
My parents think I am overreacting and keep shoving Adavan (anxiety pill I am prescribed) down my throat. All they keep telling me is that Lady can’t live forever and we don’t know how long she has left because she’s still running around, barking, and playing.
I saw my doctor today and told her everything. She asked me if I knew what The Rainbow Bridge was. I told her no, and she suggested I look it up. So here I am.

I have attached a couple images below.
"Every world has its end. I know that's kinda sad but... that's why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have." -Sonic the Hedgehog
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Those are precious pictures of Lady.  I am sorry that your parents are minimizing your feelings but that is very common outside of this group.  People don't understand how we feel about our beloved pets.  Childhood pets are especially important.  I am 78 years old and still have vivid memories of my childhood pets--Moxie, Blacky, Chrissy, Frisky, Dandelion, Angelface.  They are all still with me in my mind.

Right now try to enjoy every minute of the time that you have with Lady.  I know that is hard because you are pre-grieving.  But if you read some of the posts here, you will know that many people would give anything to have one more day or even one more hour with their darling babies.  You still have that time so try to give Lady all your love, your attention, your caring and let her know how important she is to you.  I know you are doing that already but make the most of every day that you have with her.

When Lady does die, whether it is sooner or later, you will grieve because you love her and she is important to you.  The only way to avoid grief is to not care and we do care about our fur babies.   There are lots of people in this group who will understand all of your feelings and will be with you with whatever you are feeling at any particular moment.  I am very glad that you have found this group and hope it will be of some help to you.
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Dear Ruby
No matter how prepared you try to be, it will still be devastating. Give Lady your love now, spend time with her and make sure to keep her comfortable and happy. Give her special treats and belly rubs. I just put my 18 1/2 yo cat to sleep on Thurs and for the last year I kept telling him if he had to go to the Bridge it would be fine -we would see him later. I have been crying nonstop since Thurs. Its terrible, I'm not going to lie. But save your tears for later and show Lady your smiles for now. It sounds like Lady has a wonderful life! And also, save the Ativan for later after she's gone. She needs your full alert attention now
Best to you

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Thank you for the advice. I will try to spend time with Lady whenever I can. Pannklaus, I am sorry for your losses. At least you will always have the memories. Lauri, I am sorry for the loss of your cat. It sounds like he lived a long and happy life. I’m positive you and pannklaus are amazing owners. I wish you two the best. I will give Lady plenty of treats and attention. :)
Thank you
"Every world has its end. I know that's kinda sad but... that's why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have." -Sonic the Hedgehog
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Thank you for your honest and touching post. I recently lost my 19 and a half year old cat Ana Ng. For at least the two years beforehand, I would remind myself to appreciate every minute with her, because I knew the end could come at any time.

Love Lady, love yourself, treat both Lady and yourself well, appreciate the gift that you have, try to understand that pets typically outlive us (easier said than done, I know). Take pictures (thank you for the ones that you shared), videos, cherish special memories, etc.

Know that you can always come here for support.

Warm regards,
K. Unger
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Hi InfiniteRuby, I totally know where you are coming from... I also worried myself sick about loosing my fur baby ... I cried every time when I thought about it. Sadly it happened 2 weeks ago. He was 17. We came though soo much together and unfortunately he’s not there to help me anymore. Please enjoy every second with your wee Lady. Try to put all those horrible thoughts to one side and keep giving lots of love to her. She’s absolutely gorgeous 💕 xxx
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I've been doing this for 7 weeks. I called it anticipatory-grief. My girl died yesterday. I did find out she was sick 7 weeks ago and have been keeping her comfortable at home since then. I did plenty of crying, plenty of hovering, didn't sleep, didn't eat for last 7 weeks. I didn't leave her alone. I'd hold her and shake while crying most times. I stayed strong enough to care for her, to care for my kids and do my job. But I think it's ok, too, to cry in front of them.
Nobody knows how long any living being will live. I took her diagnosis 7 weeks ago as a chance for me to process things. It makes things clearer, about how to spend your time, where to focus your energy.
meghan kenney
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