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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #76 
I can hardly bare to think about everything that you had to go through when we weren’t here. I’m so sorry Popcorn. I would have done anything for you. I would have been the one to suffer for you, to die for you. I hope that you know that. I’m so sick and tired about how others think that you were just a dog. You are so much more than that to the two of us. It’s the way that you suffered and then died that I will never never ever get over. I just can’t forgive for that. I know that’s not healthy for me, but I can’t do it. We both miss you so much Popcorn. Please come and visit me in my dreams. Bring Jack with you. I miss both of you. I love both of you so much.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #77 
Popcorn’s Mom,
Know the days are difficult ones,especially now that the holidays are just around the corner. The firsts without are so tough as memories and moments once shared rush us to tears. It is so wearing too to try to be happy and cheerful when your heart is broken. Each day must be taken one at a time, one hour at a time. Know your boy Popcorn is still near, hears the words spoken to him, the words written to him, and feels your love. He is forever your special boy. Know he is safe, with no ailments or hurts with Jack by his side. He will love you for always and ever - his special mom.
Take care - don’t travel this journey alone. Hugs for you and your daughter.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #78 
Thanks again C for your messages of support.

J
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #79 
I’m a reasonable person why can’t I understand that Popcorn is really gone forever, that I will never see him again. Every single morning I wake up in a panic, my heart is racing, then it sinks, and I feel sick to my stomach, because I realize that Popcorn really isn’t here anymore. Then I start to cry. Nobody understands what I’m going through. They think he was just a dog. Popcorn wasn’t just a dog to me. I love him with my whole heart. Now my heart is broken. I will never be able to repair that. I miss you my sweet boy. I’m trying not to be sad, but it’s so hard. You are not suppose to be gone. You never should have died.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #80 
Popcorn's Mom,

This is that inexplicable element of grief...our heart's inability to understand and follow the mind...The mornings bring us to a 'hopeful' moment and then the realization of what we had hoped is not to be...Those who believe there is such an entity as "just a dog" are not really worthy of the love and companionship of a dog...Does one just get 'another son or daughter'?  To utter those words devalues the life of your boy...and no one has the right to do this to him or to you.   There is nothing wrong with you - you are in the throes of grief and sorrow - of a deep loss.  Your Popcorn was your companion, your confidante, your security, your safe haven within life...He was critically important to you, to your world and how you see the world and understand it...He was always there, always loving and always accepting...The sadness is just there and might always be...it might become easier to 'mask' but within your heart and soul you will perhaps carry it always...And that to me, is ok - a so important life companion and sharer of all for you has gone...His life mattered to you - and those around you should respect this enough to at best say nothing...if they can not truly understand.  
You are understood here Popcorn's Mom - Take comfort from those on the forum who do understand and 'get this'...And remember, Popcorn is with you still, within each breath and step you take he is near by - still 'guarding' and 'protecting' his special Mom forever...Please take care - hugs for you.
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Molly_Beagle_Mom_4ever

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Reply with quote  #81 
Popcorn's Mom, CKMP says it oh so well...you are very normal and are deep in grief for your little best friend. They depend on us, we depend on them, and we're with them many hours each day. They aren't raised to become independent of us; they're perpetual children we adore. The anxiety and grief we feel is an extension of our never ending love for them. When nobody around us seems to understand, our forum friends do. We're here with you...continue to honor Popcorn on the forum. He's always connected to you and will never be far away. Wishing you peaceful healing and sending lots of hugs from me and Molly.

Dawn

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Love you infinitely our little Molly. Forever and ever XOXO
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #82 
Thank you for your messages of support C and Dawn. It’s difficult for me not only knowing that I will never see Popcorn again, but also knowing how he died, sad and alone. I wonder if he thought that we didn’t love him. We both did. Just to think how he suffered the days before he died. It’s just too much for me to think about that too. He should have been able to say goodbye to us. We should have been able to say goodbye to him. This loss is just something that I never thought that we would experience. It just goes to show you that you really never know someone. It’s obviously about my daughter too. My heart breaks for her too. It was her dad that did this. This has affected her in such a way that I just don’t think that I can help her. I don’t know if therapy will help either. I am trying to be strong for her, but it’s hard for me too. Popcorn was my baby. I used to pray. I stopped that the day I found out that he died, how he died. I just don’t understand why God would let this happen to a sweet innocent dog. Popcorn didn’t deserve this. I just miss him so much. I miss our special times alone at night and in the morning before my daughter woke up. It’s hard to face the days without him here.
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September

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Reply with quote  #83 
Popcorns mum... your story is heartbreaking in that you are having to deal with too much. It is more than just grief and guilt you are facing. We can all relate to loss, but then there are the circumstances of that loss. Each one is individual and personal. You trusted this person to care for Popcorn as you would have done. You did nothing wrong there. You had no reason in the world to believe your trust would be betrayed and you probably have many unanswered questions because of that. An answer to one question, why? just throws up another, and so there is no closure. Can I ask, and I understand if this is difficult to answer, how is your daughters dad dealing with this? Does he have any guilt or remorse? Does he still feel he did the right thing for Popcorn?

Grief and guilt takes you off somewhere where your imagination runs riot. I know I can't compare the loss of my Timothy with that of Popcorn, but I will never know how or why he died. So in my imagination he was begging me not to go and leave him, he died looking at the door waiting for me to come home and help him. Rabbits don't make sounds, but he was crying out for me, he didn't just lay down and fall asleep, he died in pain and not just pain, agonising pain. That's where I am and I'm stuck there forever. We humanise our furbabies and give them human thoughts and feelings and emotions because they are an extension of our children and that is all we know. It's doubtful that their little minds work that way.

I wish I could send you the words to give you and your daughter even a tiny bit of comfort. Like I say, you have too much to deal with all at once. Writing here is the next best thing to talking, so maybe it will help a little.

Sending you kind thoughts

Lynda
Xx


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"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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laylasgrievingmom

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Reply with quote  #84 
OMG, that's awful! So heartbreaking! I'm so, so sorry this happened to you and your poor dog Popcorn. I live in the state of Virginia and am not too sure about the laws here, but I do know that my vet would've never done that. I had to make the heartbreaking decision to euthanize my beloved cat Layla 3 weeks ago, and I did that consulting with her vet, who agreed that at that point it was a reasonable option. My girl could have maybe lived a few more days, but she needed to be at the hospital, hooked up to IVs, and would never get better. That wasn't how I wanted her to spend her last few days so the decision came to me more easily than I would've ever imagined, but the vet consented only because she knew it was truly the end. I guess it's the same procedure as in human euthanasia in those states and countries that allow it. 

And to the person who complained about the 35 threads, I'm very new here and I'm already on my 3rd thread about Layla. It makes more sense to start a new one than create an endless series of comments, which is also "annoying" and time consuming to click through. Also, what's wrong with wanting new users to know your story and meet your precious fur baby? I personally don't want Layla to be forgotten and I want her story to be known, even though it wasn't as tragic as Popcorn's. It's not like I think my grief is more important than yours. Every precious fur baby is equally important to his or her parents and every loss is equally important. This is not a competition. We are all in the same boat here. You choose to keep everything within one thread, others prefer to start new threads — perhaps because they are expressing different thoughts or feelings, or it's an anniversary (in my case today it's been 3 weeks since I lost my baby), or they are asking new questions. Whatever the reason, they are free to do so and so are you.  
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #85 
I’m so sorry for your loss of Layla. Anytime marking these sad things aren’t easy for any of us, but everything for you is so new. Before Popcorn we had Jack. He lived until he was almost 17. That’s a long life. In the end I didn’t want to let go. I knew though that it was best for him, because he was in pain. With Popcorn it’s just so different, difficult. We never got to say goodbye to him. I just feel like I let him down. I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that. Thank you for your message.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #86 
Thank you for your message Lynda. It’s not getting an easier and it kind of worries me. I’m trying to be strong for my daughter, but it’s hard when you’re sad all the time.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #87 
I can’t believe that it’s December already. I don’t want to think about Christmas without you here. It was horrible having Thanksgiving without you. I don’t sleep anymore. I wish that I could, but my mind just races with thoughts about you and how you suffered in your last days. How I wasn’t here to protect you. I will never ever forgive myself for that. I love you Popcorn. I love your Brother Jack. The only thing that gives me the slightest peace is knowing that you are both together with my Mom. I know that she is caring for you and loving you just like I would, because it’s what I ask from her every night. I miss you so much. I love you and Jack with what’s left of my heart after you were taken away from us.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #88 
I just know that I can never open my heart up again to another animal. I can’t stop crying about you not being here anymore Popcorn. I think about you a lot. My temper is so short now. I was never like that before. I’m just not the same person. I will never trust anyone again. I love you Popcorn. I look you Jack. I miss both of you so much. I want to right this wrong that has been done to you Popcorn, but I don’t know how to. I miss both of you.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #89 
I don’t think that I can take this anymore. I want you back Popcorn. I miss you so much. My heart is broken.
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Korrasdad

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Reply with quote  #90 
Popcorn would want you to be happy. He knows you miss him, he misses you too. I hope you can find relief from your sorrow soon. Just remember you can reach out to get help from professionals too. There are actually pet grief counselors out there who can help, if there aren’t any in your area, try a regular counselor. It’s what I’m doing, and though it doesn’t eliminate greif (would you really want to forget Popcorn?) it does help. Please try everything you can to start feeling better, for Popcorn’s memory.
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