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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #46 
It’s already the 1st of November, and today for the first time since you went away I looked at your ashes, held the little box and cried and cried. I still can’t believe that you’re gone. I miss you so much Popcorn. You not being here has left such a big hole in my heart that will never be filled by anyone else.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #47 
I wanted to post this again in the hope that someone would read it, share it, never have to go through what my daughter and I both did, and poor Popcorn. He would still be here if I had only done this. https://petlife.media/pets-we-loved-and-lost
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #48 
Tomorrow will be 4 months since you’ve been gone Popcorn. We both miss you so much. Some days I just don’t think that I am going to make it. I will never never ever understand why this happened to you! 💔
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gizmomybaby

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Reply with quote  #49 
Aw lucky Lou is that 4 month it's bloody hard am at the 3 mounth stage and I tell you what this doesnt get easier I miss my boy gizmo terribly. I cry myself in my bed most nights where no one can see . I really feel it for you booth in the way things happened with popcorn . Its weird when they special days come to me firework night that was yesterday here in Scotland was a bad night for me am use to haven gizmos wee tent up with him in it and all snuggle with the tv up cause ge was terrified of them , I felt so lonely & down . I said to my pal if this id my karma well I must have been right bad in my other life cause this is the worse pain ever x thinking of yous all friends sending much love & hugs x Annemarie x
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #50 
Popcorn's Mom,
All of these firsts are downright difficult and tough to meet and work through.  The understanding may never come...and perhaps the grief will now always be a part of life -  Your boy was special, was a family member and an integral component in your lives.  It is a painful physical ache that brings us to our knees and tests our strength - we move through each day as if in a 'daze' - going through the motions but never really focusing on much.  The loss permeates every aspect of our thoughts, our hearts and our daily routines.  We often stand at the edge of that abyss - teetering ever so close to just letting go and falling into it....Popcorn is with you still within your heart and soul - the bond is never broken, never lost - He hears your voice, sees your tears and waits patiently to greet you once again.  Know you have support here - and know Popcorn and Jack are still here for you.  This is a rocky journey - and one filled with twists and turns, steps forward and steps back.  Take care of yourself - Know your Popcorn is with you - Wishing you and your daughter some moments of calm and peace as you feel your boy near by - Hugs.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #51 
Thank you for your message of support for me and my daughter. It’s been a very difficult day. We both try to keep busy, but the nights and early morning are the most difficult. Popcorn was always there. It’s hard to get use to the fact that we won’t see him anymore.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #52 
Last night my daughter and I were lucky enough to attend a lantern festival. It was amazing to see up close. We each wrote a message to both Popcorn and Jack on our lanterns before we let them go. It was very hard for me not to cry, but I did. I waited until we got in the car. I know that Popcorn and Jack were there with us. We love and miss both of you my sweet boys.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #53 
It has been a difficult last few days. I’m really sick, probably because I’m not sleeping or eating that well. I still can’t stand to be in the same room where Popcorn would sleep with me. I feel like I can hear him breathing. I miss him so much. My heart is so broken.
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September

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Posts: 200
Reply with quote  #54 
LuckyLou

I have read the story of your Popcorn. He was a beaut and I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your daughter and I cannot even try to find a crumb of comfort to give you that will make it better.  Grief takes many forms, but it's about loss. I learnt after loosing my Timothy that we also grieve for the person we used to be. No matter what follows, no matter how we 'function' or try to return to some sort of normality in the future, that person, along with our furbaby, has also gone forever. 

Take care.

Lynda
x






__________________
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"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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LuckyLouWho23

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Reply with quote  #55 
It’s still so hard to sit at the kitchen table and not picture you there anymore. You would sit on the rug near the sink, because you hated the tile. We’ve decided not to celebrate the holiday next week. You loved the holidays because you would get a little bit of leftover food. I miss you so much Popcorn. I’m just never not going to feel this way about you.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #56 
I wanted to share what I wrote again. My daughter and I never want anyone to go through what we did. Please share this with anyone who has a pet. I never thought this would happen to us, but it did. Article. http://petlife.media/pets-we-loved-and-lost
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September

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Posts: 200
Reply with quote  #57 
Lucky Lou. I was drawn to your story because my son and girlfriend have a sweetheart cat called Popcorn. If you don't want to share this information, I completely understand. It's probably too painful or too personal. But I am just at a loss to understand why your daughters dad would do something like this. Obviously, we dont know the relationship situation between yourselves, but he has a daughter and regardless of any anamosity, or how sick Popcorn was, she should have been paramount in his thoughts at the time. He must have known what it would do to her and to just to go ahead and make that decision instantly without speaking to her first is cruel beyond words. I have friends whose relationships have broken up, and know first hand the lengths they will go through to 'get back' at each other and sometimes it beggars belief. It usually involved some sort of action to cause the most hurt possible. I'm not saying this is the case, but, without knowing the full facts, something here is not quite right. He may have thought it was an act of kindness, but surely that would have been on the advice of the vet, with no other options left available. Regardless, even his first instinct should have been his daughter and for some reason it wasn't. If you had a phone call after Popcorn was put to sleep, why couldn't that call have been made before?

Do you know the full scenario at the vets that day, every part of it, and the conversations that took place prior to this decision? Did the vet give options? If there were options, surely the last one would be euthanasia. Why would someone make that the final decision if there were things that could be done for Popcorn? Options that might not work for Popcorn long term, but available all the same. And a vets primary role is to save lives, not to cut them short for no reason. It's like anyone can walk into the vet and say "my pet is a little bit sick, I know you can help him, but I'm not interested in that,so please do something else about it". I don't know what the regulations are here in the U.K. but I can't believe this situation would have happened with Timothy's vet.

Like I say, this is probably too much to share on here, and it's possible you already have these answers. From your stories, I think you are trying to deal with too much all at once. Grief, overwhelming guilt, anger, frustration, worry about your daughter. You have hit a brick wall with the authorities, but if you've not spoken privately, face to face with the vet, or with your daughters dad, could you do that? Let out some of your pain that way, through them perhaps? If you have to scream and shout at your daughters dad, because you feel you need to, then do it. Even if you can only get as far as the 'w' in WHY?, it might help a tiny bit. And don't be afraid to write more about the circumstances if you need to. People here do not judge. Writing is a good form of therapy.

I feel your heartbreak. My fur baby was a bunny, Timothy, and compared to most Rainbow Bridge stories, in terms of the years he was with us and the companionship, it was just a dot. But I loved that little bun with all my heart. He is in my thoughts every minute and I will never stop missing him. He passed suddenly, alone, and there were no words or advice that made it better for me. What I did try to do was deal with each part of what was troubling me a little bit at a time, with baby steps, to get some sort of closure on that part, however minimal that was. To do it all at once was too overwhelming and impossible. As part of my guilt, my imagination ran riot and I humanised Timothy on his last day, in his last hours and minutes alone. I gave him human thoughts, which is what we mums and dads tend to do all the time, and it made things a whole lot worse. I wrote about that on another Rainbow Bridge forum for bunnies and got replies that helped me through it.

Popcorn is around, and he will send you signs, not just in dreams. You might not always see them, but they will come because you loved him so much. You will just know that's what they are because they will bring you a tiny bit of comfort. Just believe.

Thinking of you.
Lynda
Xx

__________________
******************************

"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #58 
Thank you Lynda for your message. I am sorry about your loss. My bond with both of my dogs was special because I spent a lot of time with them. Jack died of old age. He was almost 17. Popcorn as you know had just turned 11. I have thought many times about writing down what happened, but when I try I start crying. It's funny, because your message came across just as I was thinking about sharing what happened the days leading up to his death. I am sure when I have time I will write it. It's still very difficult for me, because of my daughter. I worry that she blames me for leaving Popcorn with her dad. I never thought he would do this especially because of my daughter. He did. Some people are never who you think they are.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #59 
This is difficult for me to write about, but it’s also therapeutic too. My daughter and I had decided to go to my sister’s condo for about 10 days. We trusted her dad to watch Popcorn. He had done this many times before when we had taken this same trip. About 2 days before we left I had taken Popcorn to the groomer. She worked at the vet’s office. Just like so many other West Highland Terriers he had horrible skin allergies. The summertime was much worse because of the heat. She gave him a medicated bath. He skin had improved a lot, especially on his back. After that we packed up and left. I always said goodbye to Popcorn the night before we left. I would say, don’t be sad, we’ll be home soon, if you’re sad just close your eyes and you’ll see my loving, kissing, and hugging you, if you want to visit me in my dreams, then we can be together. The day we left Popcorn watched from the office window to see if we were outside. Then he came to the dining room and sat there looking at me as if to say, don’t go. I told him, you’re okay, we’ll be back soon. Then my daughter kneeled down to say goodbye. I went over and pet him and said goodbye again. Then we got in the car and left. I told her dad that if his skin got worse to call the vet and take him in for medicine. Anytime we were away we always asked for photos, or to talk to Popcorn on the phone. Popcorn died on Friday, and we were suppose to leave on Sunday and be back on Monday. What we found out after the devastating loss of Popcorn was that not only did he not take Popcorn to the vet as he got worse, but he put him in his cage for 2 days before doing anything. I can’t even begin to imagine why anyone would do that. Poor Popcorn. He must have suffered so much. I don’t even like to think about it, let alone to write it, it’s unthinkable to me that anyone could do that. We also questioned whether he had fed him enough food. His food bag was close to being empty, so before I left I had bought a big bag of dog food. When we got home when realized that the new bag had never been opened. For me to explain why he did what he did, I can’t. I’m not that kind of person. If I was why would I have had love for animals. My dogs are my children. It might sound silly, but I would have died for those dogs. What we also learned was that the day he took Popcorn to the vet the doctor was shocked at how bad his skin was, especially near his tail. Popcorn’s poor tail was swollen. It was from rubbing his backside on the carpet. He also had an open sore where he had been biting his skin. He had never put his cone on him, even though I and my daughter had told him to. No wonder why his skin was horrible. The vet told him that he thought that maybe his tail needed to be amputated. In my mind if that was necessary then do it, especially if it meant saving his life. He talked about a serious infection. However the vet never thought to give him antibiotics, a steroid shot, even a shot of antibiotics, and put him in a cone. It was to amputate his tail. Then the unthinkable happened, her dad told the vet that he thought he should be put to sleep. To sleep, what, what, what! He had an infection. The doctor said that he had to do what was being asked of him. He trusted the person, her dad to be a good person. No good, decent person would ever put someone else’s dog to sleep. My daughter and I are best friends. We are very close. Her relationship with her dad is just that, he’s her dad. To us he seemingly liked Popcorn. He would take him for walks, talk to him. If you would have told us that he would have done this we would have said, no, we don’t think so, he likes Popcorn. Money is always something that her dad talks about, worries about. Maybe it was about the money, that he didn’t want to pay for his tail to be amputated, or for the medicated. That’s just not rational. It costed to have him put to sleep, plus the office visit costed too. I will never never ever understand why, how this happened. Why didn’t the doctor call me. Why didn’t he try to call us. When I read his comments about getting his ashes I thought it was a sick joke. My heart sank. I felt like I was going to throw up. I called him yelling, and asked what was going on. He told me that Popcorn was dead. I burst into tears and hung up the phone. My daughter was still asleep. I didn’t know how I was going to tell her. I just kept on hoping that it wasn’t the truth. I called the doctor’s, left a message, because it was a Sunday. I didn’t know if anyone would call me back. Then I went in to tell my daughter. My heart was racing. She started yelling, saying that she didn’t believe it. Then she called her dad. There was yelling, it was a quick call, she came out of the room crying. It was the worst day ever. I can’t even stand to think about this, let alone write about it. I miss Popcorn every single day. My life will never be the same without him.
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LuckyLouWho23

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Posts: 216
Reply with quote  #60 
All I have is bad days and even worse days. I just don’t believe that this is going to get better.
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