Every Friday I think about you, because sadly you died on a Friday. I had a horrible dream last night. The only good thing was that you were in it, but you didn't come to visit me in my dream like I had hoped for. You were on your blue bed, near the white stool, which was pushed up against the wall. You looked bothered that the stool was where your dogs bowls are suppose to be. I looked at you as you paced in circles on your bed trying to get my attention. I remember thinking your bed doesn't go there, that stool doesn't go there, why would I put your food bowl right next to your bed, something not right here. Then I turned to L, and with fear I said, "Oh my God! I haven't fed Popcorn for two days! For two days!" Then I thought in my head, it's because we've been so sad (sad because you had died). How could I forget to feed you?! What kind of person am I?! Then I woke up with this sinking feeling in my stomach, because I knew that you were gone. I know that I had this dream because of what happened to you, how horrible the last two days were for you before you died. I just want you to visit me in my dreams, and the visit to be a good one. I used to always tell you when we went away, "Don't be sad. We won't be gone for that long. If you get sad, just close your eyes, you can feel me hugging and kissing you. If you want to visit me in my dreams. Don't be sad, we'll be home soon." I still can't get over that we went away, and never saw you again. You never saw us again. I want you to know Popcorn that I didn't lie. I thought that I would see you again. I thought that you would see me again. Please forgive me. Please don't think that I lied. I never wanted this! I want you here with us! We both want you here with us! We miss you so much! I still cry everyday. I don't think that I will ever stop. What's worse is the mornings, when I first wake up. I panic, then feel sick to my stomach, then my heart physically hurts, then I get tears in my eyes, because I know that you are not in your bed. I just hope that I can find something that makes me smile again, something that makes me happy. I think about how L feels, how sad she must be too. That just makes me more sad. We love you Popcorn. Please remember that always. You and Jack will always be apart of us. You're both in our souls.
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