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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #46 
I gave Cooper his heart worm treatment this morning. Lambeau's box was with Cooper's with pills in it that will never be used. Why does something like that hurt so much? I can't stop crying and it has been an hour. Lambeau I miss you so much. You were such a sweet boy. So many reminders at every turn. Does it get better?

Mom 

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Karen 
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clevymd

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Reply with quote  #47 
It does, slowly, but you have to actively work at it.  It would be very easy for me to just cry over Zoe and Jasmine all day, because I do still miss them that much.  Instead, I am choosing to focus on happy, funny, positive memories.  I watch videos of Jasmine tilting her head at me, chewing on her squeaky ball, catching frisbees, and getting belly rubs.  I look at photos of their happy faces as we were going for long walks.  Zoe did a lot of growling and I made videos of that, too.  With Zoe, I have to remind myself of the aggression that made us let her go.  The moments of their deaths pop up in my head and I make a conscious effort to then think of a good moment, then another, and get myself to a better place where I can smile instead of cry. When I'm outside, it's tough, as the backyard was where Jasmine and I played ball and frisbee, and where Zoe would run around and play.  Layla and Roxie just do their business and sit for a few minutes, then are ready to go in.  I can't have a good walk anymore as Roxie doesn't really like to walk much due to her PTSD and Layla's arthritis keeps her from being able to walk more than a block.  Zoe and Jasmine and I had great walks, and I really miss that. Jasmine mostly stayed in the mudroom during the day, by her choice, and now it feels achingly empty every time I come in the house.  I miss the door bumping into her big ole butt when I opened it, her tail wagging when she realized it was me, and petting her soft fur.  Zoe would squeal and come over for pets when I came home--but then growl at the other girls when they tried to say hi, and sometimes start a fight, so I don't miss that as much!  But she was always happy to see me, and I knew she loved me.

So I'm not saying that I'm not still crying, but it is getting better. I am grateful for the time we had together.

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Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #48 
I will have to try thinking more positive thoughts and recalling happy memories Carole. I sometimes find it very easy to get stuck in negative thoughts and I know that Lambeau would not want that for me. He was such a happy and joyful boy. I just tried playing the piano and it didn't go as I had hoped. I express my feelings through my playing so I spent alot of time crying. I could feel Lambeau lying right next to me. I could hear him singing as I played certain pieces...he sounded like a ghost when he sang. It was so precious. I need to tell myself that my playing is not just Lambeau. It is something I did long before I even met Lambeau. I began playing as a child. It is something I need to enjoy for myself. I want to believe that somewhere, somehow he is listening and singing along.

I love you and miss you my sweet Lambeau. Keep on singing silly boy.

Mom

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Karen 
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asanroja

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Reply with quote  #49 
KarenE
I’m so sorry for your loss I too lost my beautiful Bella and wish she can visit while I’m sleeping. I lost Bella on July 8 almost 3 weeks ago and I haven’t stop crying. I’m sure things will get better and don’t stop crying because it helps your soul. Cry all you need is okay I too been crying every day and I won’t stop just to make someone else happy.
Take care
Bella’s mom
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #50 
Karen, my iPhone reminded me today "heart worm pills", I was so sad. Last time I gave Bailey his, I saw Max's and could not bring myself to get rid of them. Now I have to get rid of both. 
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #51 
Good night sweet Lambeau. Help all of the people on this forum who want to dream with their pets (including me) get their wish granted. I love you and miss you so much. It has been 17 days and it seems so much longer. I look forward to the day I see you again.
Your mom

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Karen 
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #52 
Did I get a sign? I play the piano and Lambeau would always lay on the floor next to me (and sometimes sing). I haven't played since Lambeau passed until yesterday. It was a disaster. All I could do was cry. My sister in law who doesn't know about this, sent me a video. It is a woman playing the piano (heavenly music) holding a golden retriever puppy (Lambeau was a golden) on her lap. He is sitting upright so his head is right over her heart. Is this telling me that Lambeau will still be with me when I play? That he is still in my heart? I love you Lambeau. 

Mom

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Karen 
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #53 
Karen, you so much want your Lambeau to let you know he's ok, and they do send us signs in some mysterious ways. I personally believe it is his way to let you know that he will always be with you, it's ok to keep playing the piano he so much enjoyed with you. He will forever be in your heart. 
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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clevymd

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Reply with quote  #54 
I’m here at the lake with Roxie and Layla, but missing the way Zoe would watch the chipmunks, and the way Jasmine would lie down next to me on the deck to enjoy the breezes and the sun on her fur.

Attached Images
jpeg F95AA9F9-A383-43A7-8563-F71EF275099A.jpeg (3.11 MB, 7 views)
jpeg 587594B9-CFF7-4410-9E7F-7A9941DDCC94.jpeg (702.18 KB, 7 views)


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Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm

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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #55 
Oh Marlen. Thank you so much for believing it is a sign from Lambeau. I believe it is too. I miss him so much. I wish we all knew when the pain lessened. I hope you get a sign from Max and Bailey too letting you know that they are OK and will always be with you. I believe that they will be. They are with you. Hugs to you. I wish that I could talk to my husband about all of this (and cry when he is around). The pain is so intense.

Thank you for the sign Lambeau. I love you.

Mom

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Karen 
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #56 
What a relaxing, and beautiful setting. Enjoy!

KarenE

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Karen 
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #57 
I hope today is somehow easier, Karen. Though I very much realize it may not be. Wishing you much comfort in the midst of things!
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #58 
It’s a sign from your baby Lambeau. I truly believe our babies watch over us and give us signs to comfort us letting us know they are with us. Teddy has given me a few signs and quite a lot in the past couple weeks. He knows how much I’m hurting, just as Lambeau knows how much you’re hurting. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs 💛
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #59 
Thank you for your kind thoughts Catie. I hope today brought you some peace as well. I firmly believe that the video was a sign from Lambeau, JennyTeddy and I hope to get many more (I shouldn't be selfish). I pray that everyone on this forum who needs a sign in attempts to find peace, gets one.
It will be 3 weeks on Tuesday that sweet Lambeau crossed the rainbow bridge. It seems so much longer. I am still crying at least a couple times a day and I don't see an end to that in sight. There are things everywhere that remind me of my boy. It is so hard to even think of letting go. The grief we feel for our pets is so terrible because they are so innocent and depend on us for so much. They trust that we will do what is good for them even when we have to make the most difficult choice that it is time to let them go. All the love, time and attention we give them has no place to go when they leave us. It just leaves an empty hole in our hearts and in out lives. It hurts...like hell.
Good night sweet Lambeau. I want nothing more than to look into your soulful eyes right now and give you a big smooch on your soft cheek. But it can't be and that makes me very sad. Cooper is still missing you very much. He is subdued and sleeping more than normal although tonight he was playing with one of his tennis balls. Your dad is getting very impatient with my grief and that hurts. But there is nothing that I can do about that. I am not going to stuff the feelings that I have for you. I love you, miss you, and have to grieve. I wish he could be more understanding and supportive. But I do know that he misses you too - he just isn't comfortable showing it. Sleep tight and have happy dreams. As always angel, feel free to visit me in my dreams. I promise a nice belly rub. I love you.

Mom

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Karen 
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #60 
Karen, i'm so sorry you have someone close to you who doesn't understand your grief. I think that makes this journey even harder. I had my sister questioning me about moving forward the other day and it's just incredible that she doesn't understand i'm just trying to function. I hope that your boy comes to visit you tonight!! You promise Lambeau belly runs and I'll promise my Rookie a great game of catch. Oh, that would make my heart so happy! ❤
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