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KarenE

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #1 
Please someone give me some hope. We had to put down our beautiful 10 year old golden yesterday after a struggle with cancer. I am devastated. I can't stop crying and am not able to function. Does anyone have any advice? When does it get better? I have done this before and have lost family members but don't remember it being so intense. Lambeau was a really special guy full of so much love. He was my constant companion and I "see" him everywhere I go in my house. Thanks so much for any advice.
Karen

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Karen 
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Karen, 

I am so very sorry about your loss of Lambeau. You've come to a good place to find companionship in your grief. It's a shockingly painful journey and my heart goes out to you very much. The early days are especially hard to endure.

I don't know that I have advice, per se. But I can say that what you're going through is normal. It can be extremely hard to eat, sleep, function, and get through the day because of the severity of the emotional pain. Often, non-pet-lovers around us don't understand why we're being so deeply affected by the loss. We miss them terribly!

Some losses are far more difficult than others. When I lost a 17 y.o. dog in 2006, the grief passed far more quickly than with my loss of my 11 y.o. Marissa to lymphoma in February. I'm still struggling, but my heart is healing. Yours will, too. But be very gentle and good to yourself while your grief is so raw. And know that you're not alone. I hope writing and connecting here will help you much. Wishing you much comfort!



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks Caite. I am sorry for your losses as well. Cancer is a terrible disease no matter who it effects. People or pets. I haven't been able to eat since yesterday at noon. Haven't been able to drink much either. It doesn't seem to matter. All I want is to be able to hug and kiss my Lambeau.

KarenE

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Karen 
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mick

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Reply with quote  #4 
This is my first time in a forum of any kind. I had to put my 18 year old cat Ziggy to sleep on Monday and I am so full of guilt I cant think. When I am at work I cant focus. I go home and think I hear him or need to go check on him.....it never stops. At night I lay in bed and ask God to tell Ziggy not to be mad at me. 
Ziggy had CRF, he started to fail and rarely ate. He was down to 5 pounds, body score of 1. I knew it was time before he could no longer function. However, he did not do well at the vet and fought the procedure. When they brought him to me he had been sedated and they said he gave them a difficult time. 
I cant stop thinking about that. Those were his last moments.....I kissed him and talked in his ear, but I have a hard time knowing if he knew I was there for him.
That is what is killing me now. The guilt that he did not go quietly.....

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Mylittlelovey

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Reply with quote  #5 
Oh i understand exactly what you are going through! We had to put our dog down on monday from cancer too...it is so devastating, i understand the same thought about when is it going to get better and i am in the nonfunctioning stages as well. We feel like a piece of our heart was ripped out. Im thinking of you!
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mick

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thanks for the reply. It just seems so close to the surface still. I know friends are well meaning but I just cant go out and have fun, I can break into tears at any moment.
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Mylittlelovey

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thats how i am..anyone mentions her name and I lose it....we all grieve at our own pace dont feel pressured to go out. I did book a weekend getaway cause being in the house is just to overwhelming right now with reminders. I know i will treasure them in the future but its too fresh for the moment!
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #8 
Karen for food you might try smoothies. I got through the first few days on smoothies.
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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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clevymd

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Reply with quote  #9 
Today is day 6 for me.  Zoe wasn't physically ill, but had aggression that could not be overcome after many years--I tried everything, I really did.  We had a vet come to our home, first sedated her before he got there with oral meds, then he gave her one shot to make her sleep, then she was not awake for the last one.  Although her passing was as easy as I could make it, I still feel terribly guilty that I could not find any other solution for her.  I have been crying every day, but I have to say that our other three dogs seem to be much more relaxed and happy since they aren't being attacked anymore.  This site has been really helpful to get out the feelings and know you have support here, which is a comfort.  
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Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #10 
KarenE, mick, Mylittlelovey,

I am truly sorry for the loss of your beloved pets.  This pain is so intense, the emptiness, the hollow feeling in our hearts, the grief, the guilt and their absence in our lives.  My very special fur baby said good bye, almost twelve months ago.....and it has been a tough, painful journey.  During those first days, I could not eat, could not sleep, everything lost its color.  I was on "autopilot" - at work, I did what was required - but, my heart was broken. 

And, the sad part is that some people are not sympathetic or have empathy for our loss.  But, it is their "loss", they have not experienced the special bond, the pure and unconditional love, the sweet and loyal companionship given by a pet to his/her human.  We have

I, We, understand your pain, you are not alone.  With time, little by little, we "adapt" to the pain.  We will always miss our beloved fur babies, and we will have good days and sad days.   Hugs
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mick

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Reply with quote  #11 
I find it hard to get the last few hours of Ziggy,s life out of my head. I do have a picture on my phone of a healthier Ziggy laying against my leg. He was sick at the time but he looks so peaceful beside me. That is what I am trying to remember, not the sad ending..... but the years of togetherness. If I knew how to post the photo I would.

Zoe's Mom, it sounds as if you tried very hard, you loved her even with her faults.
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KarenE

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Reply with quote  #12 
I am so sorry for everyone's losses and overwhelming grief. After we said our good-byes to Lambeau and were walking out the door, he tried to follow us. The oncology nurse who knew him well gently pulled him back in. I feel guilt that I wasn't able to stay with him. I did that with one of my dogs and knew I couldn't do it again. I wish now that I had stayed. The nurse said he was surrounded by staff members whom he knew well from coming in for chemo. He was such a loving and loved boy. 

I was lucky enough to retire early but my husband still works. I am trying to find ways to fill
my upcoming days. I had lunch with a friend today and cried only a little but when I am home alone the hole in my heart is overwhelming.

I will always love you Lambeau. You were my sweetheart.

KarenE

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Karen 
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #13 
Mick,

I know, for some reason, those final moments "are hard to let go".  The guilt, the what if's?....  Pets unlike humans are not capable of conceiving "hate".  They could be aggressive, territorial, but not hateful.  I am truly sorry for everyone's loss.  Be gentle, your beloved pet only wants your wellbeing.  Hugs
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #14 
Quote:
This looks like a page full of wise and loving people. We had to put down our dog Lambeau two days ago after a struggle with an extremely aggressive form of  cancer. Lambeau was a beautiful 10 year old golden retriever full of love for everyone he met. I think he thought his job was official greeter at the clinic where he received his chemo. Staff, families....it didn't matter who. They all got big kisses when they entered the waiting area. I am devastated over losing my boy. All I can do is cry. I am not functioning well or getting the things done that I need to. I am having a very hard time eating or drinking anything. I just want my beloved Lambeau back. I need to find some hope that he will be with me again someday and that the intensity of this grief will ease. I have a big hole in my heart. the grief is actually physically painful. I can't wait to go to bed at night. I actually CAN sleep; I think that I am exhausted from crying all day. What do I do? We have another golden at home. His name is Cooper and he is very sad and lost. It hurts just to look at his sad little face. I don't know how to help him, myself, or my husband. Even he has cried which he doesn't do very often. I am actually relieved to see it. Does anyone have any words of hope? 

Hi again Karen,

I'm replying to you again on your thread where you discuss your grief over Lambeau. In fact, you may start just as many threads as you like about all the topics, aspects of loss, whatever you wish. People are very kind in their responses, as I've experienced.  I found your  post (quoted above) on Silvia's thread, which is her space to talk about losing Max. 

I'm so sorry for how brokenhearted you are and how difficult it is to function. I completely understand and I believe most everyone here can relate. Especially the first few weeks are just horrible! It's genuinely hard to live through!

As I mentioned earlier, my loss was to cancer also. I hate that disease passionately. It seems like a whole extra layer in the loss, how dreadful and anxiety-provoking the illness was and how quickly and devastatingly it progressed. I tried chemo too, but it really didn't work or buys us any additional time, sadly.

Get you some Ensure or buy some McDonalds' smoothies to help sustain yourself if you continue to not be able to eat. Or try some lighter things like fruit.

My heart screamed it for weeks, "I want her back!" Yes, Karen you are normal. It's an awful normal but it's normal. Yes, it certainly is--it is physically painful. 

Our library has several good books on pet loss. Do you like to read? Or is there a local pet-loss support group? Things like that can bring a measure of comfort.

Yes, the intensity will ease. It takes longer than we want, though.

I'm so sorry for how much you're hurting. I do so understand and I wish you deep comfort and encouragement.



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #15 
Karen,

I saw your post on my thread (as Catie quoted above) and would like to answer here on your thread. I am very sorry for your so recent loss of Lambeau and unfortunately have no advice other than to take your time. Such a loss is overwhelming and we all have been there and thought the pain would never ease, but it does as time goes. I hear you still have Cooper at your side so you are not all alone during the day. Just come here and write whatever you feel like saying, we are all here for you.

My good thoughts are with you

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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