I made the decsion to euthanize my boy Sunday night. I can't help but replay my mistakes in the end. I didn't know you could hold him, and all he wanted in the end was for me to hold him. I also didn't know that the tranquilizer would induce unconsciousness and work so fast, and he was so weak he may have even left after it. I moved to behind my cat to make sure the doctor would be able to inject easier, so I moved out of my baby's sight in the end. I messed up and I can't stop thinking about it. Please help me.
Quote 0 0
I did the same thing with my girl Lilly I was told she could cry out or have a fit when she was going to sleep which turned out to be completely wrong so I stayed just out of sight I regret not holding her paw or patting her.
That was 4 months ago no and the guilt does get a bit easier and part of grieving is beating ourselves up with what ifs and why didn’t I do that.
Try not to be too hard on yourself your baby knows how much you loved him.
Take care Dave
Quote 0 0
I let my Jack go on Sunday also. I wanted to be selfish and proceed with possibility of several operations just so he'd stay with me, but my daughter help me to put Jack first rather than subject him to additional pain and the discomforts of other things failing. I'm still fighting my guilt. I think only time will help us. I pray it does.
Quote 0 0
Please know that the guilt you are feeling is part of the grieving process and not because you did anything wrong, we all punish ourselves with the what if's and the why did I do or not do this.  The truth is nothing prepares us for the loss of something as precious as our furbabies, nothing.  No matter how much we plan and prepare, the ending will always come with the seering tunami of guilt, know that you did what was best for your boy and that you were there with him at the end.
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon


Quote 0 0
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy.  I too had to make that horrible decision in October 2017 when my Gigi failed to respond to the medications she was on for her heart murmur, spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, multiple mast cell tumors, etc.  Surgical options had all been excluded.  As she was on the table at the vet's for "the" procedure,  I looked at her sweet face and  loving, trusting eyes and I had to ask myself, what kind of horrible monster was I to do this.  But then I looked at her eyes again and I could see the pain she was in, even while in a recumbent position.  So I had to re-program myself into thinking, what kind of horrible monster would I be to let her continue her precious life in such pain.  I wish I could tell you it's easier done while you are with them, but I can't.  What I will always remember is the vision of my baby on the table, without any signs of life.  We do the absolute best we can for them because of the huge love we have shared.  What I can envision now is her happy, healthy, pain free, eating all she wants, and playing with her sister.  She walks without hurting and she can run like the wind now - heart murmur be damned.  I just wish every vet office had a counselor of some sort to prepare us for the event - someone who could talk to us and tell us step by step what to expect so we wouldn't leave in shock.  But, I'm not even sure that would help.  It's just all too traumatic.  Again, my deepest sympathies for your loss.
My warmest regards,  Carmen's and Gigi's mom - alicia
Quote 1 0
Carmens mom your so right. My Peaches always had the heart murmur that developed into full blown congested heart disease last March. She passed away at home January 16 in my arms. Watching her for those long 5 minuets as she struggled to breath then raising her head for one last breath and her head slowly resting on my arm is burned in my memory.

In the last few months she got chocked several times while eating. She had that awful cough. She would wake up at night coughing. Since she slept cuddled up next to my back I was up with her. When she want outside to potty she would have the fainting spells sometimes so I stayed close to her just in case. I knew deep down in my heart this was not a good quality of life for my baby girl. So I talked to her vet about coming to our house when the time comes. This was on my mind every minuet of the day.  

So, Pleasehelpme, don't beat yourself up. Your little boy is out of pain now, playing with my Peaches and many new friends. The love we had for them will always be in their hearts.
Quote 0 0
Hi Everyone!  Pleasehelpme-I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree with Tim on not being hard on yourself!  It takes so much of your strength, courage, and love to even drive to the vet and the possibility this could be the end of life for your sweet boy.  I am 29 days out from losing my sweet boy, Auggie.  It is such a journey-this kind of grief.  You are in the right place on Rainbows Bridge.  I know the support from these amazing people on your posts are truly lifesavers.  Some great advice I received a few days out from losing Auggie was to physically take care of yourself.  To eat smaller amounts throughout the day and to know this loss is physically draining.

While everyone is so respectful here and supports each other, there is a common theme amongst us that we have all experienced a loss.  You are not alone or unsupported.  I was right by Auggie and holding him at the end but I have my own set of guilt about even making the decision to be there on that day.  Even though I was there with Auggie, I too think the tranquilizer already put him to sleep.  My vet has known me for 24 years and although we are normally so friendly-on this day it was so awkward and he was doing everything to support us but my point is this is a hard time no matter what the conditions.  I could barely get myself up to walk out of the office that day and I know I shouldn't have been driving-it was the saddest I have ever been.

I think your boy would tell you how he knows you were there and how he is released from any physical pain because you loved him that much.  Please accept my deepest sympathy on your loss and I hope you know how much I Auggie will, too, be looking for your sweet boy.
Auggie's Mom
Quote 0 0
I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet boy. I know, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, to have my Misty put to sleep at the end. But like your boy, she was also very close to passing by the time the vet gave her the injection.

Please try not to worry about leaving his line of sight. As death approaches, I have heard the eyesight dims. It is the sense of hearing which is the last thing to leave. He would know you were beside him and helping him to find relief from pain, and peace.

And when he passed into the life of his Soul (not only of his body any more), he would see everything so much he was loved and still is.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
Quote 0 0
Truly insightful post.  Thank you Mistysmama -
My warmest regards,  Carmen's and Gigi's mom - alicia
Quote 0 0