I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. I too had to make that horrible decision in October 2017 when my Gigi failed to respond to the medications she was on for her heart murmur, spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, multiple mast cell tumors, etc. Surgical options had all been excluded. As she was on the table at the vet's for "the" procedure, I looked at her sweet face and loving, trusting eyes and I had to ask myself, what kind of horrible monster was I to do this. But then I looked at her eyes again and I could see the pain she was in, even while in a recumbent position. So I had to re-program myself into thinking, what kind of horrible monster would I be to let her continue her precious life in such pain. I wish I could tell you it's easier done while you are with them, but I can't. What I will always remember is the vision of my baby on the table, without any signs of life. We do the absolute best we can for them because of the huge love we have shared. What I can envision now is her happy, healthy, pain free, eating all she wants, and playing with her sister. She walks without hurting and she can run like the wind now - heart murmur be damned. I just wish every vet office had a counselor of some sort to prepare us for the event - someone who could talk to us and tell us step by step what to expect so we wouldn't leave in shock. But, I'm not even sure that would help. It's just all too traumatic. Again, my deepest sympathies for your loss.
My warmest regards, Carmen's and Gigi's mom - alicia