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Kat728
Thank you .... your words mean a lot ..  I am starting to learn we do the best that we can with the information that is given to us ... 

It is so nice to have support and I do appreciate everyone that reaches out to me ... 
Kat
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meganwade3
Hi Kat - I'm so sorry for your loss of Molly. I lost my best friend Banks 7 weeks ago tomorrow (today I guess, it's late) after a 2 month battle with cancer as well. Banks had feline intestinal lymphoma and it was a nasty cancer. We did aggressive chemo (and a surgery), but nothing seemed to help. I cared for him constantly, as you did for Molly, so the void when he left was truly unbearable. I left our house the morning after he passed and went to stay with my parents in another state for 5 weeks. While it helped numb some of the pain in a sense, the last 2 weeks back at home without him have been excruciating. 

I struggle with the what if's a lot myself too... what if I had tried this chemo drug first, or what if I hadn't started the steroid earlier for a separate liver issue, or what if I had tried syringe feeding to get him more time. Maybe the next round of chemo could have been the one that worked and got us more time together.

The night is the hardest for me as well - it's so lonely without him and I dread going to sleep. I really feel like I will never feel whole again without him and that makes me so sad. I know that I can carry on with my day to day life eventually, I just can't ever imagine loving anyone or anything as much as I love Banks and that loss will never go away.  It helps to know there are others like me who feel that they lost so much more than a "pet" - they lost a furry soulmate. 

Sending love,
Megan 
Megan
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Kat728
Hello Megan,

Thank you for your kind words ...  I am so sorry for your loss of Banks...  Their illnesses seem quite similar as well as you and I ...  

Molly also had intestinal Lymphoma and we tried similar treatments.  I think by the time Molly showed any sign of illness it had gone way to far to have any treatments really work...  She was on Predisone and then scheduled for surgery ... she went in for the operation and I was half expecting her not be ok through it and we received a call from the vet that her red count was not high enough to make her a candidate for the operation and that they would put her on Chemo and keep testing her red count each week to see if they could do the surgery ...  That day never came ... she became sicker and the tumor got bigger ...  so in the end we only had her on the predisone ... that would help any pain if she had it ...  we found out she was sick July 25th and died September 15th.. 

We wish we would have been able to try surgery first instead of the chemo ... We worry that it caused her to be sicker ... but I try to listen myself to the same thing I will say to you ...  we do the best we can with the information that we are given ...  it is all trial and error because we have no idea what will work and we are trying everything we can to make them better ... and that is all we have ... 

You did wonderfully for your baby Banks.  You worked with the information you were given and that is all any of us can do ... Cancer is a horrible disease and it is so hard to know the right treatment .. 

I understand how hard it is for you especially being back home ...  It is so hard, I wish I had  words to make it better for you.....  today is 2 weeks for my Molly and I still can not go in the room where she died ...  maybe someday but for now i  keep the door closed ....  I sleep part of the night ... but not all the way through ... 

Again Megan I am so sorry for your loss ... and appreciate you reaching out to me ... 




Kat
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meganwade3
Hi Kat -

I am amazed at how similar our stories are! Banks was diagnosed on June 9th and passed away on August 11th. At first, I was so upset with myself for not realizing he was as sick as he was - I felt like I had missed signs or should have just sensed something was wrong with him earlier than I did. I've always been very in sync with Banks, so this caught me completely off guard. I expressed these concerns to our oncologist and he told me Bank's lymphoma (large cell - the one that creates masses) can form in a matter of DAYS, if not likely a week or two. Meaning Banks probably was perfectly healthy, cancer free in May and it hadn't been me missing subtle signs of his illness or him suffering in silence for months like I feared. He was fine and then he wasn't and there really wasn't anything I could have done to have changed that. 

I understand your worry about not being able to do the surgery with Molly, but I hope it brings you some comfort to know that the surgery didn't actually help Banks much at all. While they were able to remove the mass that was about to rupture, thus alleviating some of his immediate pain and giving him the chance to try chemo, the cancer was so aggressive that tiny masses began growing back in its place within a week or two of surgery.

I think Banks and Molly were just dealt a terribly aggressive form of cancer and there wasn't really anything we could have done differently to change the outcome. I know that Molly and Banks didn't want to leave us and so all of us fought as hard as we could in the time we had left. It doesn't make me miss him any less, but I think eventually that knowledge will bring me some peace. In the meantime, I just miss my best friend and I hate that he was robbed of time on earth. He deserved to be a 20 year old cat... just like Molly did. 

Please reach out when you can - I would love to see a picture of Molly. I truly hope she and Banks found each other at the bridge and can share stories about their lives. I think they were two very adored cats who would really get along.

Megan
Megan
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Kat728
Hi Megan
your response was so wonderfully worded and helpful ... Thank you, I wondered so many times if the surgery would have helped Molly just as you wondered if the chemo first would have helped Banks. ... I think it helps us to see through each other that it most likely wouldn't have changed the outcome. .. and we did all we could.

We never got to see an oncologist our vet took care of Molly because she was having the surgery there at her hospital and after that when she couldn't have the surgery she wasn't a candidate to go to the teaching Hospital which is where an oncologist was so I always wondered what would have been different if she could have seen an oncologist.

It also helps to know the information that your oncologist gave you about the cancer I didn't know the cancer could grow that quickly and I also worried that I missed the signs if she was sick for a while but maybe it's likely that Molly just like Banks wasn't sick earlier in May or June like I wondered if she was.

The first indication we had was a week before she went to the doctor andit had been hot like above 90 degrees for days and we thought she was just warm so we called the vet and told them and they too thought it was just the heat but by The Weeknd just a few days later I knew something was different so we took her in on Monday and that's when she had her sonogram and they found the cancer.

Thank you for the information from your oncologist that helps me a lot to know there as such aggressive forms of cancer. It is so hard at night I just thought I heard her footsteps walk in my room. Sometimes I'm just not sure how I will get through it. It is so helpful to have you reach out to me thank you I appreciate it. Our stories are so similar in the information that you shared helps me so much..

I would love to think that Banks and Molly have met and that they are happy and okay not knowing whether or not she is ok is the hardest part and missing her. I will get pictures of her and share then but for now they're on the computer that is in the room where she died and I haven't been able to go in there yet but when I do I would love to share pictures thank you for asking....
Thank you again for reaching out to me
I hope you are doing better too ....
Kat
Kat
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meganwade3
Hi Kat -

I'm so glad we are able to share our stories - I really think that we are able to get comfort from hearing about each others experiences and get some answers to questions that have been haunting us. I really love to believe that Banks and Molly arranged for that for us... to help bring us some peace in this trying time in a way that they can now. They took such great care of us during their lives, I can't imagine they would stop doing it now.

I'll keep you and Molly in my thoughts, especially on Thursdays. Banks passed on a Thursday night like Molly did, so that's always the most painful day of the week for me now. Please stay in touch and let me know how you're doing! I'll look forward to seeing a picture of Molly when you're able to go into the room. Don't rush yourself though - you'll know when you're ready.

Megan x
Megan
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meganwade3
Here are a few pictures of my beautiful boy Banks - I miss him so much.
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Megan
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meganwade3

Hi Kat -

I hope you are doing a little better - sending positive thoughts for you and Molly!

Megan

Megan
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