Lizzi
I am new to this forum, as of this morning. We lost our 6 month old kitten last night. I put laundry in and didnt know that Leo had gotten in the machine. We were frantic looking for him this morning, as he was always right there in the morning, waiting for his breakfast. We searched everywhere, and then, i opened the washer and he was there. I did this, and cannot bear this pain. I know time heals and I have had to say goodbye to many pets over the years, but never like this. I feel like I killed him and cannot stop thinking how scared he must have been, and how he must have wanted us to help him so badly. Has anyone ever gone through this sort of loss? I do not know how I will ever forgive myself.
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MyBella
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious Leo, what a heart breaking tragedy, my heart feels for you.

Do know that this was a horrific accident, so please do not blame yourself at all, Leo wouldn't want you to add any type of blame to your already broken heart.

Please be gentle on yourself, sending positive healing thoughts your way.

Sincerely, Don & Vera
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Lavendar
healing vibes to you.
I am sure you have read of the tragic stories here, you are not alone.  Many decades ago I had a small kitten that got run over, but I suspected possible intention.   I still feel responsible for it.  14 years ago I moved into an apt with my 2 yr old cats.  There was small hole atop in the bathroom wall at the ceiling for ventilation. What I didn't realize was the it was hollow at the top and the girl like to jump up on high things. She went exploring I guess.   One day I kept hearing meows, and could figure out where they were coming from.  Finally I hear my cat through the bathroom wall.  I was completely freaked, I didn't how to get her out, she couldn't climb back up the wall to the hole.   I ran next door, introduced myself to the new neighbor in a panic asking for a  hammer to get my cat stuck in the wall.   I didn't want to hurt her so aimed a little higher and whacked a hole. it was super tiny, but she pushed her head through anyway, not waiting for me to make it bigger.  It was like she was being born again.  the hole is still there.

I hate to think if I had a job what would have happened. Would she have just disappeared like a freak mystery?  A few years later her brother didn't come back for 4 days once. I just about lost it.  The fact that your actions are involved make you feel uber responsible, when it's really that cats are unpredictable and tempt fate, you didn't have him long to know his quirks.  If he had passed some other tragic way, you wouldn't feel any differently. 

be kind to yourself, don't try to do too much.  

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Radars_mom
I am so sorry for the loss of your cat in such a tragic way. That must truly be awful for you :'(

It sounds very cliche, but time really does heal all wounds. I never thought I would stop re-playing the sight of my precious 'son' lying on his side on the back patio, gasping for breath while I did nothing because I thought he was just sun-bathing...but it's been 3 months and they have stopped. All the 'what-ifs' have been played out in my mind and I always come to the same conclusion: Even if I come up with the most brilliant way of how I could have saved him, it still will not bring him back. One day that just clicked for me--he is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that; the only thing I can do for Radar and myself is to press forward. You can do the same! May I suggest you adopt a shelter cat in Leo's honor? We did that for Radar--we adopted "Mikey," a special needs dog and he has been an absolute blessing to our lives. We can't win them all and we can't save them all, but we can win some and to the few we save, we become their whole world. <3

Good luck and God bless you on your road to self-healing.

--
Sara
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Lizzi
Thank you all so very much. I have spent so much time reading everyone's stories of loss and it has truly helped me through this week. I can not believe a week has passed since we lost Leo. I cry everyday, but, we did do what you suggested, Sara, and adopted a 5 month old kitten from the shelter. His name is Zeke, and while he is not a replacement, he is special in his own way. My 10 year old said that Leo's spirit is in him. Peace and kindness to everyone here.
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Radars_mom
I am so glad. I look forward to hearing more about Zeke!
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