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annemariet
Hi Bertha

It is 2 weeks tomorrow that my Alyx had to go to sleep. I thought I was alone in crying all the time. I look at her picture and cry again. For some strange reason I can't stop worrying why I didn't hold her in my arms longer that day. I know I did all I could but was it enough ?
I see her face that day and hope she was telling me to let her go . My heart is in a million pieces and now I feel depressed all the time. She not only took a piece of me with her but all my excitement and vibrant personality  I always had. Everyone thinks although it is hard that I should stop feeling this way because it certainly is not healthy. Do they understand she was my constant  and devoted companion ? How do you just let that go without feeling heartache. It makes me feel human to hear your stories and know I am not crazy with what I am going through. I will ask my therapist tomorrow to help me out of this depression and anxiety. Will it ever get lighter because right now it is so dark ???? Any help is greatly appreciated.......

Alyx's Mom
Annemarie
Annemarie Torcivia
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bertha
Good morning Annemarie, today is exactly 4 weeks since Molly left me. She was my reason for getting up each morning because she had seizures & I had to give her medicine twice a day. That's how I came to have her, her seizures. Her former owner had her since she was a puppy & adored her until Molly had a boy then she got pushed aside & not treated so well anymore. The former owner wanted to have her put to sleep when she had her first one, but thank God both local vets refused to because she was only 10. I heard about her & she came to my home the same day. It was a little rough at first, but after she got us trained, it was smooth sailing from then on. She was just like your Alyx, constantly with me, slept with me, went wherever I could take her...we even took her to see a big Christmas light display this past December. (She wasn't impressed). I do totally understand how you're feeling right now, but it will get better. I don't cry every day now, just most of them. I look for her in the clouds & the first 3 or 4 days in a row right after, I was able to find shapes that, to me anyway, looked just like Molly, then the next day, I saw a heart, so I think that was either her, or God, telling me she's fine. One thing you might consider, is getting another special little baby. I suffered from empty arms syndrome. Even though I have 3 other small dogs, each one with me several years longer than Molly, they just are not her. My oldest dog, Jasmine, hates to be held, my 2nd, Jenny isn't very girly & my 3rd one, Mouse doesn't really care to held either. I started looking on Yorkie rescue sites & then on shelter sites because some of those places will only give a dog or cat 2 or 3 days for their owner to show back up or be adopted & then they will kill them. I also will never do business with a breeder again after seeing too many exposes on them. I finally found a little boy who looked nothing at all like Molly. I adopted him sight unseen & went to pick him up after he had been neutered. His personality is vastly different from Molly's but we feel like he had been cruelly treated because even though they say he's only 3, he has very few teeth and he's very aggressive towards my girls. He fills the empty arms though so we're going to keep him & love him for all the years he may have. I don't know if that's an option for you & it won't replace your Alyx, but it will help refocus on someone different for a portion of the day at least. Hope you feel better soon. Bertha
Molly's mama
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annemariet
Good morning to you as well Bertha. Thank you again for your words of comfort. Yes I definitely want another dog. The sobs of twice a day have become tears twice a day. The pain in my heart not so much. I really don't know if it ever will. I too would like a rescue dog but can't find many where I can see them so I will have a connection. I also am renting and know in the near future will have to move and am very fearful of them not accepting a dog. Right now getting over the depression is more of a priority. I am very religious and though I don't understand why Alyx had to go I do know that he had a reason. Maybe another dog needs my love and care. Alyx had a very spoiled life for 15 years and I would like to give some other dog the same. I know that I also need a dog I can cuddle and sleep with and take wherever I go. That is another problem. I see her in my bed, in every room. Some of my daily routine is missing that face sitting waiting for me to feed her. Oh God what I would give to see her once more.I appreciate you telling me that there is some hope.  I also know if I rescue a dog He will take care of me and her/him. Not sure yet. I don't want a dog that looks like her but would love her personality. I am afraid of the breeders also. I have heard so many success stories about mutts. I go to work and try to focus on anything but losing her. I guess it is just time but it seems so far away. My heart breaks for you as well. Love your other fur babies because I know they could never have a better Mom or home !
Annemarie
Annemarie Torcivia
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