Sweet Sophie I miss u so much. I feel so guilty for having u put down. I can say that I know it released you from the pain u were suffering and fear u were experiencing but my heart says otherwise and I selfishly want u back with me. I try to focus on the wonderful 15 and a half years we had together and try not to dwell on ur last hours and how scared u were. Ur love for me was pure and unconditional and ur joy for life was a gift U shared with me. Please forgive me.
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I am sorry that you are suffering so much and going through all the feelings which so many here go through.  I don't think that Sweet Sophie needs to forgive you--she is more likely to have felt gratitude to you for relieving her from all of her suffering and pain.  She may have been afraid in the last few moments since she didn't understand everything.  But now she is at peace--and if you believe in the Rainbow Bridge as I do, she is enjoying life in the sunshine away from all suffering and pain.  If there is anything you need forgiveness for, I am sure that Sweet Sophie has already done that.

I know how hard it is not to dwell on those last few difficult, painful hours.  But that wasn't Sweet Sophie's life--it was the wonderful more than fifteen years that you had together. Of course you would give anything to have her back.  We all would.  We don't want to live with the emptiness, the reminders of the life that was there and now is gone, the difficulty in functioning and doing daily tasks.  But you are the one who is experiencing all the suffering now after giving Sweet Sophie relief from her suffering.

Do you feel ready to begin making a memorial of some kind to Sweet Sophie?  Everyone does it in different ways and has different feelings about when they are ready to do it.   You will always remember Sweet Sophie but you may want a tangible memorial of some kind--or not.  Do whatever feels right to you.  

I am thinking about you, especially since my daughter Deborah also had a Sweet Sophie who we lost several years ago.  We all still miss our Sophie as well as our Lenny who more recently went to the Rainbow Bridge.  I hope that our babies have all found each other and are enjoying the experience of feeling good and having only happy things happen to them now.

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Pannklaus: Thank you for your kind words
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I had to have my little girl Willow put to sleep Friday and I begged her to forgive me too. I'm sorry you had to go through that with your Sophie. I don't think it is selfish to want our little furry buddies with us as long as we can because no day will ever seem like the right time to let them go. Sophie LOVES you very much and understands you did what you had to do.
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Thank you for listening and hearing my pain. It’s a pain we all know and it does help to know others understand and are willing to share their experiences.
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Dear Deborah

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved fur baby Sophie.  It is so hard for us who have to make the choice you made, the brave choice none of us ever wished we would have to make.  We end our fur babies suffering and our own suffering begins.  The emptiness and loss feels unbearable.

When I lost my Mia, I read a book by Jon Katz, Going Home, Finding Peace When Pets Die.  I've shared this passage from the book before on this forum because it resonated with me and brought me some peace:   

Dear beloved Friend 

It was my time to say goodbye, my spirit was fading, and I was being called home and away from you.  I wished to be strong again, to roll in gross stuff, to eat all the things you hated me to eat, to run through the fields and the woods, to smell the stories of life, and to raise my nose to the wind and see the world all over again.

I know I leave you in loneliness and pain.  I hope, in your grief and loneliness, that you remember how sad it would have been had we not had this time together, not had the chance to give each other so much.   

I have gone, but I have not gone far.  I will see you again and I will watch over you.  Thank you for all you gave me.  I ask that you remember me and grieve for me.  And then, when you are able to, let the pain and grief go freely, and in peace celebrate me.    

My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of loss. Hugs, Cynthia.

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