always_tuffy
I finally have pics of my dear Tuffy to post.  They really don't do him justice but I'm too tired to care much more.  It's been a bad night. I'm so very tired and soooo sad that he's not here.  I'm really sliding downhill.  I can't even post his pics correctly.   Seems everyday my world is getting smaller.  I really thought that I was getting better.  I'm not.

Don't know what else to say.  This is the only place I have to turn.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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nicokudo
Regina,

Some  days can be so much more difficult than others.  I remember well, the numbing helplessness and overwhelming sadness.  Waves of grief almost pull us under at times.  

Have you ever thought of going to a counselor? When my Nico died I went into such a strange funk.  My normal when I lose something in my life is to sob until there is not a tear's worth of water left in my body.  When Nico died it  was as though I couldn't cry. I knew that it wasn't healthy for me, but it took months for the tears to come.  I just went into this bad funk.  I wasn't happy, didn't want to be around people, did't find joy in anything and these are the good descriptions. I really wished that I would have gone and talked to someone.  It's something to consider.  Anything that shortens or lightens the grieving period must be a good thing, right?

Take care and keep writing and reading the posts.  In the end, this is what  truly helped me.

Karen





 


Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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always_tuffy

Thank you Karen.  I have an appt 9/2.  I had been receiving counseling before Tuffy passed, but everything fell apart on 7/26.  Just trying to hang in till then.  This is a roller coaster I sure want off of.  Your concern takes away some of the lonely this morning.  Bless you.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Leigh
Regina...it was a bad night and a worse morning for me, too.  Feel like I'm backsliding again.  I miss Mary so much.  Feeling pretty useless to the world right now.
Can you get in to the doctor sooner than September 2?  Wouldn't hurt to call and ask; maybe they've had a cancellation and you could get in earlier.
I was all set to go into counseling but now insurance is saying they don't know if they'll pay for it so I'm kind of in limbo. 
Are you having trouble with losing the routines you had with Tuffy?  It's like floating along with no direction.  I'd get up in the morning, give Mary her medicine and breakfast...and now there's no Mary to do that for.  My mind kind of shuts down and I forget what else I'm supposed to do so I wander around lost.  I was doing better but--bammm--the gut-wrenching pain kicks in again.
Hang in there, Regina.  You most definitely are not alone in your grief.
Hugs,
Leigh
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always_tuffy
Leigh,

Now I am so glad I wrote.  If I hadn't I wouldn't know that today there is another filled with this never ending sadness.
Yes Oh Yes, you have it so right about the routines we shared with our four legged loves.  I feel like a woman without a country every day.  Can't seem to find my direction, my purpose.
I was up ALL night.  Here at the computer putting pics together one way then another.  You see Tuffy wasn't here to tell me it was time for bed.
On nights I'd be up too late, he would lay on the bed with my hubby, for awhile.  Then I'd hear the click, click, click of his toes on the floor.  He would come and set here to my left and STARE.  It was one of our many games.  Soon I'd say, you want me to come to bed?  Oh how he would jump and spin (that was his answer to all things, jump and spin).  He'd run a few steps and stop and make sure I was following.  I'd climb into bed and he would snuggle to me, content that his world was now in order. How I long for the morning, night and all day games we played.

I understand all too well that it is the same for you without your dear Mary.  Their love and friendship is truly one of the greatest treasures in life. 

Maybe in your community you could find a community based grief counseling or support group.  Please try and find an outlet for the "tsunami" of grief that can overwhelm.

We are kindred spirits, not just in sadness but also in love for our friends Mary and Tuffy.

So hoping you will read this reply.  Please let me know how you are.

Hugs back and thanks again.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Susie_Squillions
Dear Regina and Leigh,

It's been such a short time that you and have been separated physically from Tuffy and Mary.  The road to healing is a bumpy one with many twists at the beginning. Often two steps forward, one step back. Some days, it's even one step forward and two back.  In time you will come to the part of the road where the journey is less treacherous and the sun shines through now and then.  Eventually, it will be a smooth path, much easier to navigate.

The fact that the two of you are in the same place at the same time tells me that Tuffy and Mary are bringing you together for a reason right now.  They want you to take each others' hands and walk side-by-side to make your journeys less lonely now.  It just occurred to me that Karen and I did just that when we arrived here six years ago.  It helps so much to have a friend to walk with.

I'm wishing you both continued healing, and smoother journeys ahead.




My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

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In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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always_tuffy
My most heartfelt thanks to all of you who came to my rescue today. I could not hold the anguish inside any longer.  I didn't even know what I was saying till I reviewed it.  I just felt my fingers flying over this keyboard.

Within what seemed like seconds replies came pouring in.  Leigh, Karen, Erika and Susie.  As if I picked up the phone and you to come to my aid.  Therein lies one of the many miracles of this forum.

By the time I poured out my heart, my spirit, even my skin felt tattered and torn.  It was one of those "if i don't get a grip, my heart will explode" moments. Each of you know that feeling exactly.  The words you wrapped me in were so soft, tender and healing.

I was able finally able to calm my emotions.  I've not had any more outbursts today.  Actually, I've been able to have sweet thoughts of Tuffy.  The story I shared with Leigh about he would come and remind me it was time for bed made me think of sweet sweet times.  If Leigh had not written, I would have missed that opportunity. 

Things do, often happen for a reason.  Susie I was able to visualize Mary and Tuffy not wanting us to be sad, any more than we would want them to be.

hugs, love, and peace to you all
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Leigh
Regina,
Your Tuffy passed 2 days before Mary was put to sleep. 
How I wish I had never done that.  Maybe she would have gotten better...but then maybe she would have had another stroke and had an agonizing death or been alone instead of having me there with her, her favorite vet, and just going to sleep.  On bad days, the guilt of having her put to sleep is overpowering and on good days it's just horrible.
There really isn't a direction or purpose right now, is there?  Just mass confusion and sorrow.  I can usually shake things off, but this one has ahold of me and is tearing me up.  I knew Mary meant the world to me but the reality is that Mary was my world.  She loved me.  Period.  No smart mouth, no arguments, no expectations, just love.
I laughed when you told about Tuffy coming in and telling you it's late and past bedtime.  They have that internal clock, don't they?  Mary had been waking me up around 5:00 in the mornings having to go out for the past 4 months...and I still wake up then.
Those little toenails tip tapping on the floor...I miss that. 
She was just fun and silly.  Physically she was getting older but there was still that silly puppy in her.
Regina, you are not alone going through this hell.  I'm right beside you in this.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for both of us.
hugs,
Leigh
 

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judylinn

im seeing a counselor, and it really does help. when that grief comes that you are feeling, it overwhelms me the same way. I just lie on maddies quilts and sob and sob. for me, the letting it go helps me, til the next wave comes. I would not have made it through but for the loving people here. and you know we all feel that deep agony, because we loved our babies deeply also. my prayers are with you.  hang on. judy

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judylinn

im seeing a counselor, and it really does help. when that grief comes that you are feeling, it overwhelms me the same way. I just lie on maddies quilts and sob and sob. for me, the letting it go helps me, til the next wave comes. I would not have made it through but for the loving people here. and you know we all feel that deep agony, because we loved our babies deeply also. my prayers are with you.  hang on. judy

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Mia870

My goes out to you all, it is a devastating thing to lose our fur babies. I am only now nearly 4 months down the track able to talk about Mia without totally dissolving into tears. I now have good days, and only cry a few times a week. I still miss her so much but I can smile at the good times. You are still in the early days and I was a complete mess for weeks. I went to the Dr and got some medication because I wasn't sleeping or eating and didn't want to be around anyone, including going to work. Be kind to yourself and hang in there, it will get easier xx 

Mia Jessie aged: 11 years. Always our puppy girl xxxxxx
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tikibarb
I wish I had a magic wand to take the pain away.  This whole process is so draining that some days I don't want to get out of bed.  Some days I get nothing done.  I am so thankful that I can give myself the time I need to heal.  To those of you who can't because of life circumstances, I wish you peace and hope that you find some solace in knowing that you are not alone.  So many of us share the pain you are feeling and completely understand all the feelings that go along with the pain.  
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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