Michele, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mandy, and I really understand how very hard this grief journey is. The night I lost my beloved cat Jasper was the hardest I have ever been through, and the second hardest would have to be when I picked up his little box of ashes. It was so surreal, how could this be happening, how could my sweet kitty be in this little box I was holding, oh I so understand what you are going through, there are no words to describe losing someone so dear, it just seems as though all the colors have gone out of our world, and we will never be the same again, and it just feels so very wrong.
Well, it has been eighteen months since I said such a heart wrenching goodbye to my boy, and I want to reassure you that the pain does ease up just a bit as time goes by. I still hurt, and I still cry, and I miss him more than words can say, but I am so far from where I was back on February 3rd when I lost the little love of my life, and I wondered how on earth I could ever get through each day without him, but I have, and he has sent me so many signs to let me know he is alright, and that he is still near, just as your Mandy did. They love us so very much, there is no way they could just go away and be gone from our lives. Your beautiful little ray of sunshine is still with you in every way that counts, she showed you that at the farm, she is still so close. I want to post something I wrote just months after I lost my Jasper to let you know I really do understand.
My sweet Jasper,
It has been nine months and you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you nine months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital that cold and dark evening with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong to see others bringing their pets out of there so full of life, yet here you were, my big, beautiful and vibrant boy, in this little wooden box, never ever have I felt such complete and utter devastation.
I wish you peace and comfort in the coming days Mandy's mom, try to keep hope in your heart, your sweet Mandy is still so close, and no time, distance, or separation could ever break the special bond you have with her. Your post brought such tears to my eyes, because I have been there, and I am still there in so many ways, and I can so hear the sadness and the pain in your words, and I can also hear the love you have for your precious girl in your post, and so can she.