The vets office called me yesterday to let me know Haley's ashes were ready to be picked up. I have been grieving baldy since she was put to sleep on 4/13/13. After I got the call I dropped to my knees and began sobbing. This made her passing seem more final because I would not be picking her up, but her ashes. I have so many mixed feelings.....I'm happy to have her back with me, but scared all at the same time. I know this will get easier, but I just miss her so freaking much. 

For anyone that brought back their pet's ashes.....did it help having them back with you or does it cause  more sadness knowing that they are gone for good? I can't wrap my head around this I guess. 

Also, I know she is watching over me, but when will I get a sign from her? I don't know if I feel her presence or not. I want to believe I do, but is it just me being hopeful? 

Tammy (Haley's Mommy)
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Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I found this post. I just put my furbaby Sheba to sleep 1 week ago today. I picked up her ashes last Friday. I told myself when I went into the vet to get her ashes, that I wouldn't cry, and I would be calm. Right when the receptionist asked me what they could do for me, I broke down and started crying.

They gave me her ashes, and I went to my car and held the box and started crying the hardest I've ever cried. When I got home, I dropped to my knees and held her box. I just can't get over the fact that all that remains of her is those little ashes. It hasn't gotten easier for me, because every little thing I do in my apartment reminds me of her, because she was always following me around.

Also, I just posted something in the pet loss forum about 'receiving a sign' from your pet... I've been looking for one from her as well but I have yet to get any...

Stay strong and know I'm here for you. Because everything you said in your post, fit EXACTLY into how I feel.

~Sheba's Mommy~
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Tammy and Sheba's Mommy.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies. My heart is breaking for you both.  I really do feel your pain.  The grief will be so very raw for the both of you at the moment. I remember being there and I was inconsolable.  
When I picked up Gemma's ashes I remember it was bone breaking the way I felt and I broke down and belly cried.  It all seemed so final and like you say you can't justify that this little box is all that remains.

I still have Gemma's ashes in the lounge along with her picture and her jar of Choclate Buttons (obviously the chocs would have gone off but they were HERS and something she loved) she would ask for one or three each night before bedtime 7pm on the dot.  

Tammy - of course Haley is watching over you.I believe there spirit is still with us and they remain forever in our hearts.  I speak to the picture beside  Gemma's ashes and sometimes I see her talking back and it brings me some comfort.  I am glad I have her ashes with me and I hope that when my time comes we will go together and be scattered together forever, that bring me comfort.  I know some people scatter there babies ashes in there fav places but Gems fav place was with me bless her heart.  I have other dogs they all love the beach so perhaps when there time comes thats where they shall be.  You do what you think is best my friend and whatever brings you comfort and don't worry what other people say.  I have a few comments from people about having my babies ashes in the living room but hey...they do not know our hearts do they!  Haley was so beautiful, she reminds me a bit of my labradoodle Muppet.  They have such lovely natures and I can tell by just looking at Haleys picture she loved you very much just by the way she was looking at you. You took the photo right?  Haley lived such a charmed life with you as her Mummy I can see that

Brooke - I replied to your thread on signs I promise you, you shall get one very soon.  I was desperate for one when Gemma died but it tooka while.  When I started dreaming about her though I didnt stop.  You will do this in time and you will probably wake up crying like I did.  However, take solace in the fact that beautiful Sheba has come to visit you in your dreams. You have probably already had a sign but yor subconscious has probably dismissed it without thinking, it could be a rainbow or a white feather. Your baby never really left and is with you in spirit.  I love the saying 'Those we love don't go away they walk beside us everyday'

My heart aches for you both I am so very sorry for you both and I can feel your pain. I know you both loved your babies so much as it breaks my heart that your hearts are breaking.  I promise the grief will lessen in time but you never stop missing them xxx

Love Julie x
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Brooke - It is nice to know we can find others to relate to on this wonderful site. I understand your grief completely. I think we should definitely allow ourselves to cry as much as we feel we need to. I have found hiding my emotions only makes it worse, but if I allow myself to be sad and cry when that moment happens it just helps. They say when crying from sadness yours tears produce serotonin which contributes to feeling better. I know over time we will begin to heal even though we will never forget our beautiful babies. We will get through this! I'm sure your Sheba and my Haley would want us to be happy and we will eventually notice their spirit has been with us all along. Hang in there!

Julie - Bless you for your very thoughtful responses! It means more than words can say. Haley enjoyed being by my side as well so I plan on keeping her ashes next to my bedside. I have a picture of her there that I kiss every morning and night. I like telling her good morning and good night and sweet dreams before I go to sleep. It comforts me to know she is watching over me and her spirit is still alive. Yes, I did take the picture of Haley that I posted. She was a funny little girl because most of the time she didn't like her picture taken. You know how girls can be sometimes (haha), but every once in awhile she would give me such a pretty smile and I would capture that happiness. I love that you noticed that. As a matter of fact, the picture of her under my screen name was a picture I took about 3 hours before I laid her to rest. There is something about it. She has never looked at my like that in any other pictures (especially when she wasn't feeling well). Its a very special glance and smile as if to say "don't worry mom, you are doing the right thing and I promise I will be ok". I look at it every day and smile back with tears in my eyes. Thank you again for everything. Your kind words are just so healing!

<3, Tammy & Haley 

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I had a couple of days that I haven't cried (but constantly thought about) Bandit. I definitely cried the day I picked up his ashes. I thought I wouldn't but when I got to my car I looked at the box and thought "this is all that is left of him" and reality set in and I cried like a baby. The Dr. and student that cared for him while he was in the hospital also wrote out a very thoughtful card and that too made me cry.

I got in the mail yesterday my new shelf unit that will hold both his ashes and belongings along side my golden who passed a few years ago. I am still waiting for his custom urn I had made. The shelf sits in front of a window where I made a garden for him. All of these things have kind of helped to keep me going.

Also Bandit passed in a town I used to live in and would like to move back to, so me and my other dog went to a park we often frequented, and got some treats. I tried to just think of happy times with him, even though I feel like we should have had many more happy times.....
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Bless you Tammy.  It's nice that Haley is coming home and she will be where she belongs with her Mummy.  Yes I could just see in that beautiful expression just how much your baby loved you.  Haley was a beautiful girl and my heart is breaking for you.  I can remember like it was yesterday when I was at the same place as you.  I have never belly cried before, it is so bone breaking the grief we feel when we have lost our innocent babies.
Banditsmum I have been thinking of you too my friend
Know that I am here for you.
Dont worry If I dont answer straight away as sometimes it upsets me too much to come on here as the old grief comes back like a tsunami (but I am here for you both) x

For you Tammy x

Love Julie x
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