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DebbieD

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Picked up Misty's ashes today so that was tough. Although in the long run I’m glad she’s at least back home, even if this is of course not how I wanted it. Something new they did was there’s a little tin with clay and they took a paw print. I didn’t know about that so when I opened it I lost it even more. But glad to have it - glad to have anything of hers.

 

In the long run I know the best way to honor her memory and all our wonderful times is to smile when I think of her. I’ll never stop missing her – never have stopped missing Gwen after 5 ½ years. I’m trying to work through the guilt, but that’s tough too. I still feel guilt about so many other past losses, so guess I usually just bury it.


I've been looking for a 'sign' from her. I virtually never remember dreams, so don't think I'll see her that way as much as I desperately want to. As I was getting close to the hospital and getting upset, I thought I heard a noise like her getting up in her crate. I'm sure it was just some noise my old van was making, but like to think maybe she was getting up to check on me because I was crying.

I love my baby girl.

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puki

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Puki of 14 years on Saturday. It was so tragic for me I keep reliving this like a bad dream over and over. My pain is unlike any I have ever experienced in my life. I feel comfort in your post in the hope that I will find some peace once I bring his ashes home.

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MelissaB

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I picked up my Bubbie's ashes on Sat.  We lost him on Tuesday 6/8.  When I first held his ashes, all I could do was think "this is all that I have left of him".  But I know now that he is forever in my heart.  It's only been a few days, but I can now look at his little urn with his picture on it and smile when I think of him.  The tears still flow unannoucned sometimes, but there are smiles now too.  I hope that both of you reach that place soon.  It's still so very painful but I am so glad he is back home with us.

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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #4 
Misty was absolutely getting in the van to check on you!  She knew you needed to know she was near, and that a subtle sound that is oh so familiar and normal to you was the best way to visit.  What a nice thing for her to do!

I made T.J.'s paw impressions about a week before he left us.  At the time, I had just gotten some hopeful information, but I knew the proverbial other shoe could drop any time.  Whe nit did drop a week later, I was so glad to know I had those paw prints to last a lifetime.

A lot of times, signs come most easily when we don't look for them.  They can be rainbows, birds, rabbits, squirrels (or other wild life) butterflies, dragonflies, special music that reminds us of them ~ almost anything.  I used to have a link to a page about how angels communicate with us, but my old computer crashed and I've been trying to slowly find all those old treasures.  When I find it again, I'll post it for everyone here.

Here's a link to a page about Theodore, the Angel of Forgiveness.  I did this little exercise yesterday to release my guilt over losing T.J., and it really helped me.  I hope it will help you too. 

xoxoxo



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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donnalee

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Reply with quote  #5 
DebbieD, that is so nice you got Misty's pawprint!  That is so special and, as the days and weeks go by, I'm sure you will really treasure that even more and more.   I just have the traditional ziplock bag of fur and I am SO happy I have that.   It is such a real reminder and it is somthing you can touch.  I'm glad you have your little girl back home with you.  There is something very comforting about it.  I wasn't able to pick up Scottie's ashes until about 6 weeks after he passed because the person who does it got sick and ended up in the hospital himself.  I had been waiting and waiting.  The day I was finally able to pick up his ashes was so emotional.  Going back into the vet's office where I last saw Scottie alive really brought the whole experience back.  I had to write the girl working the front desk a note telling her why I was there because I couldn't get the words out of my mouth without breaking down in tears!  But, yes, it felt good to have his ashes back with me and helped me continue in the healing.  
That is a great picture you included of you and Misty.  Thank you for sharing that.   I'm still trying to learn how to insert a picture! 

MelissaB - I'm so glad there are now some smiles mixed in with the tears.  It's what we have to do.  The tears continue to pop up at unexpected times but, thank goodness, we are also able to think of them and smile as remember all of the funny, happy memories.  I'm only at 8 1/2 weeks, so I'm no expert on this whole grieving process yet.  But, I know that all of the friends at this website have helped me so much.  I hope you find comfort as well!         
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reovi

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Reply with quote  #6 
DebbieD-that was a sign, absolutely!!  Your girl is watching over you!
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DebbieD

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you all. Susie, I will look into that web page. I also made sure to get a little fur from Misty - she had a little white spot on her chest so took some of that.

Yes, going back to the hospital and walking in was hard - and I could barely get the words out myself. When she brought out the ashes I wasn't sure I could even make it to the car - my knees felt like they were going to buckle.

The picture I inserted was the day she and I got her draft title. (Newfs can earn titles where they are hooked up to little carts and we have certain exercises to pass.) I'd never gotten that title before and I was so proud of her I thought I was going to bust. I think she also looks very pleased with herself in that picture - as she should!

I'm trying not to look too hard for a sign of her - I agree that maybe it will come when I'm least expecting it. I am thinking more and more that the sound I heard as I was driving up to pick up her ashes WAS my Misty getting up to check on me.
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DebbieD

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Reply with quote  #8 

This time last week was one of my visits to Misty while she was still alive and in the hospital. I am dreading tomorrow night as it will be one week that I last saw her both alive and gone. Maybe if at that time I look through my pictures again and think of her vibrant and healthy and enjoying life it might help. What have others done to get through these 'firsts'?

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