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joeslepski

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Pal was my best friend. He was a 16 year old mini dachshund who had been with us since he was a puppy. In February, due to a tooth infection, he was ready to be put down. At the last minute, the vet suggested that we try having some teeth pulled. He had eight teeth pulled. He never totally recovered but at least he was somewhat better. For six months I fed up by hand, took care of him and he was never left alone. A few days ago his jaw swelled up and he stopped eating. We had to let him go. I hope he knows how much I loved him. I feel so sad and lonely. This is worse than when my parents passed away. I will never forget my best friend. I wish I was with him at the Rainbow Bridge
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joe slepski
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ImissSherby

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am so sorry Joe, what a loving doggie parent you are! Hand feeding is such an act of love. I understand that type of love and would have done the same for my little Sherby. I too have been grieveing Sherby more than I ever have for anyone. I think it is especially hard to lose a beloved pet because we spend so much time with pets and pretty much have our lives centered around them. When we lose them, there is such a gaping hole where they were. It is truly heartbreaking. I hope you can find peace.
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Bellamum

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi Joe,
I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your sweet Pal.  
I have actually left you a message on Lee's page....have a look there.  I left it before I saw this post by you.



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Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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Katel

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Reply with quote  #4 
Joe Im so sorry at your loss and the sorrow you are left with.  I wish for you peace and healing
in its own time.  You are in a safe place here with people who share and understand. Pal was lucky little boy to have you as his dad, you were wonderful.

Blessings,
Kate 
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #5 
Kate:
Thank you. I was lucky to have him in my life. I am so lonely without him

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joe slepski
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spiritdog

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Reply with quote  #6 
What a great name you gave him, Pal. It is a loss like no other, and grief just needs to be honored and gone through. You are grieving as hard as you loved him.

Crying, sleeping, just plain suffering is a part of grief. I know it is painful beyond words, I know it is so quiet, so lonely, an endless deep well of grief.

Gentle hugs, spiritdog

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"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #7 
My Dear Sweet Pal:
Today is the first full day without. The house is so empty and we are all crying. What only a few days age was a lively, happy home is totally quiet and lifeless without. I have to admit when we bought you home on May 2, 1998, I was not too happy. I had never owned a dog before with with a mini dachshund having a lifespan of 14 years, we were facing a huge responsibility. I put you on my lap and you immediately fell asleep. When you woke up you were thirsty and you starting drinking from MY glass of water nearby. For so many years you were so full of live. I used to say that it was a pain to take you outside and to always feed you but I always did it. I hope you knew I loved doing it. You were hard to keep up with in the early days. I would take you outside at 3:30 a.m. every morning. I did that because you wouldn't bark if it was still dark. When I would get home from work, you always ran to greet me. Part of you was happy to see me but the other part was happy that it was time for your dinner. Back then we had to really watch our food because any food left unattended was eaten by you. I did not mind, I always shared with you. Whenever you were left at home, I always bought back a treat for you. Whether it was a ball game, restaurant or a carnival I always bought some food home for you. When I retired I became even closer to you. During the last year, you started to slow down. In February you developed an infection in your mouth. At 16 years old, the vet brought up the topic of letting go of you but we could not do it. You had eight teeth removed. We took you home and for six months took care of you. Lorraine made all of your food and I hand fed you every meal. The surgery took a lot out of you. I hope I did the right thing. In the last six months of your life you were never left by yourself. My wife, son or myself were always with you. You did get better to a degree. I noticed you were having trouble eating the last week. I thought you were being picky, I had nom idea you were in such pain, I am so sorry. On Saturday night a huge lump appeared under your jaw, we took you to the emergency clinic on Sunday. They gave you antibiotics and pain killers and Sunday night you appeared to be getting better. Monday morning you could not eat again and you couldn't get out of bed. When we took you to the vet we knew it was time to say goodbye. When the doctor gave you the sedative before the final shot, you don't know how much I wanted to say"stop, I am taking him home" but it was time to let you go. Pal, I am so sorry I did not notice you were getting sick if I had been paying better attention, maybe I could have had you for awhile longer. I do not use the term "friend" lightly, but Pal you were the best friend I have ever had. We are all so lonely and heartbroken. You did so much for us. You taught me how to love. I know now that I have a heart because mine is breaking. Lorraine is so heartbroken too. Danny has been crying also. You watched him go from a 7 year old boy to a 23 year old man. I wish I was with you on the Rainbow Bridge. People say get another dog but I cannot go through this again and it wouldn't be fair to compare another dog to you. I hope and pray that you knew how much we loved you. I don't know how life will go on. I do not want to live. Last night I laid down next to your bed but I could not sleep. At 4:30 this morning I got up to take you outside but you were not there. Earlier today I tried to eat some ice cream, with you not here it did not taste good and I could only take one spoonful before I threw up. I hope you are out of peace Pal. You will never be forgotten and my love for you will never diminish.                  


                                                                             Love always,
                                                                             Joe








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joe slepski
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #8 
My Beloved Pal:
I want to be with you so much. You were my reason for living. This morning I went outside to get the paper. When I used to take you out early in the morning you did not want to get your feet wet so you would pee on the driveway. I would jokingly complain that the pee stains were ugly. This morning, I noticed the stains were fading away. How I wish they would stay there forever. Your last year of life was tough. You were losing your eyesight and after your dental surgery I had to feed you by hand. You couldn't play anymore but the one thing you liked was when I would talk to you. How your ears perked up. I should have taken you off of the table at the vet's office the last day and taken you home. I should have tried any measures to keep you going. You were tough, maybe you could have made it. Please forgive me Pal and give me the strength to join you on the Rainbow Bridge

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joe slepski
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Katel

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Reply with quote  #9 
Joe,
You will join Pal on Rainbowbridge just as we all will join our beloveds there one day.
You are in the first deep anguish of grief and you must allow yourself time to heal.
Yes you will heal.  I know you don't think so and no-one does when the grief is raw but it does come. Pal will wait for you , he is watching over you, he wants you to know you are not alone.
We all here share your pain, and many of us have thought we don't want to live
anymore.............     but be gentle with yourself and give yourself the chance
to get through this and to find peace one day.

It takes a lot of courage to continue on this
painful journey but it can be done, so many of us have done it and come out the other end
finding healing and new life.    You will never forget Pal -  you don't have to.  You were a brilliant dad to him, and he would want you to know that and thank you  He would also want you to make this journey as a tribute to him.  

Blessings
Kate
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fritzin

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Reply with quote  #10 
I really sorry to hear about your pal. I'm hoping that your grief will turn to joy again.
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #11 
Thank you so much. This is day 4, and I miss him more and more. He was such a good friend
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joe slepski
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #12 
My Dearest Pal:
Day 4 without you. For a fleeting second last night you came to me in a dream. You were playing with Lorraine, like you did in the old days. Every morning I still wake up at 4:30 like I did when I had to take you outside. I dread going outside because the pee stains you made in the driveway have just about faded away. When you were here I thought they would last forever but then again I thought you would be here forever, at least longer than I was here. I often said, that I hoped I would go before you how I wish that was the case. I remembered for 8 years of your life, you had seizures. You would tremble and I would hold you for as long as it took for you to get better, usually about 90 minutes. You would then start running around and playing as though nothing happened. I used to be so scared for you during those seizures. The first you you had, no one knew what was going on. We rushed you to the emergency clinic in the middle of the night during a snowstorm. That was the only night you ever spent apart from us in 16 and one-half years. That next morning you came home and the house was lively again. Now it is empty and sad

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joe slepski
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judylinn

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Reply with quote  #13 
I am so sorry for your loss Joe. Losing our animal family can sometimes be even more difficult than human family as the love is so unconditional and we open our heart so deep.
It won't help you to question did you do enough...I felt the same way as you when I had to release my beautiful Maddie. Time will give you better perspective...in the end..I wondered if I had waited too long.
You did what was the very best for Pal. It takes great love and courage to let our little ones go. The poem...the last battle really helped me. The most important thing to remember is the gift of love that you shared. Pal knew what it was to be loved and that was the most awsome gift you could give.
I started journaling by writing to Maddie when she passed and that really helped me alot...It might help you also. Also, I did some things in honor of her...Like I planted a beautiful cherry blossom tree that every year when it is full of pink cherry blossoms..it fills my heart with love..I also planted some lavender for her. Doing some practical things really helps. I still have alot of Maddie's thing around....even after 4 years. She was my family and she will always be my family...like Pal is for you.
Allow yourself to cry...holding back makes it even harder. There is lots of support here, and we all here know what the depth of the pain. Unless you have truly loved an animal...people don't understand the depth of that pain....Blessings to you...Judylinn
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #14 
Judylinn:
Thank you so much. Talking to people like you since Monday has gotten over the feeling that I should have stopped the vet from putting him down. I still feel guilty about letting Pal get to that stage though. If I had been more attentive, maybe it never would gotten to that. The Last Battle is such a lovely poem and Have read it countless times every day. Life seems so empty now. The only thing that keeps me going is reading the comforting words written by people like you

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joe slepski
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joeslepski

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Reply with quote  #15 
My Dearest Pal:
It is now Day 5. They say time heals all wounds. That is not true. I miss you more than ever. I am so sorry that I had no guts and could not join you on the Rainbow Bridge. I made a half hearted attempt yesterday. The belt was around my neck, but I just could not pull. I guess I am sentenced to a lifetime of agony here on earth without you. Today I have to mow the lawn. You hated it when the grass was high because it used to touch your belly when you walked around outside. After I would mow the lawn you would always roll around in the grass and get clippings all over you. It is so lonely without you. I hear every sound in this lonely, empty house. Each day of life is just one day closer to death and then I can see you again. I cannot wait for that day to come. I will always love you.

                          Joe

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