cowgirl1959
Following the loss of 3 people in our lives within 3 weeks, I was taking one of our younger cats to the vet two days ago and got hurriedly into my car. I heard a thud and discovered my beloved Fluffer ,my precious baby of 19 years writhing on the ground. I drove madly to the vets office cradling him in my arms and screaming in agony  for him to be ok, but I knew he was already gone by the time I got there. I screamed through the vets office like a mad woman in disbelief. After they called my husband and drove me home because I was so hysterical,my husband flew home to hold me and tell me that it wasn't my fault. Everyone keeps saying that it was just a horrible accident and I am not to blame, some people have relayed similar stories, but it doesn't really help me to forgive myself. I am just undone and so beside myself with grief and guilt. I can't understand how or why it happened. He was walking slowly out of the garage one minute and then the next...He was arthritic, and had thyroid problems, and was becoming incontinent and his appetite was waning. I tried to tell myself tonight, that maybe he chose to go that way with me because I was the person who loved him the most and he wanted to be out of his pain quickly and needed me to help him, because he knew I would have held on to him to the bitter end otherwise. I don't know. He was like my other child. It's such a nightmare. My heart is so heavy, I love him and miss him so much. Yesterday, I saw him in a cloud, his perfect profile plain as day and it made me smile for a minute because it was so comforting and magical, I felt like he was letting me know he was ok but I feel like I will never be right again or able to forgive myself. :0(
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Beaglemomma
Oh sweetie I am so very sorry for what happened to you.  I know it doesn't help to say it was an accident but your baby is over the bridge now and healthy and happy, so do TRY to think about that.  You never intended this to happen and I can't even imagine how awful you must feel.  We all manage to place blame and guilt on ourselves somehow no matter the circumstances.  This is a very hard time for you right now and everyone here understands and we are all ready to comfort you in any way possible.

Try to think of Fluffer and my Molly playing together healthy and happy just waiting for us.  Molly was raised by an old lady cat so she will take care of your baby, I just know that. 

Sending you hugs and holding you close to my heart.  
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janice
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cowgirl1959
Janice,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is so difficult. Even here, I worried that my post might draw judgment or criticism about what happened. I just feel so sick about it. I can't eat or sleep or stop crying. I will try to hold the image of the your adorable Molly and my Fluffs snuggling in a meadow near the bridge together waiting to be reunited with the two of us someday....
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westdenali
you will get through this. you will go through stages. you will blame yourself. so go ahead and beat yourself up. then give yourself a big hug. tragedy strikes with no apparent reason. we all beat ourselves up. we all ask what we could have done different. we all feel guilty for one reason or another. I have often thought about running over my dog. he would walk behind or in front of my truck. I always asked myself what if?????? embrace the 19yrs of your kitty. think of the good times. think of all the love you shared. you are not to blame. find solace . not sure where it is yet because I am working on it too. I do love this forum. we are all here because of our furry little friends we love so much. 
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NormaT
Please stop beating yourself up with that guilt stick. Horrible things happen and clearly you didn't do anything deliberately. If only we could turn back time and things would be different - unfortunately though this is not possible. Fluffer would know you wouldn't plan to hurt him in any way. You did everything you could to try to save him and he would know that.
Definitely NO criticism here. Indeed no criticism at all. Just understanding that it was a tragic accident that could happen to anyone.
Norma
Norma 
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cowgirl1959
Thank you Norma and westdanali for your support and kind words. I wish none of us was here and our fur babies could live on with us forever. I have had many angels coming around me including you folks here for which I am so grateful. 
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Daniellekatheryne
I'm so sorry for your loss! I am going through something similar. We lost our girl Sparks to getting hit by the wheel of my dad's truck a couple weeks ago. I don't blame him, there is no way he could have seen her. I am spending a lot of time feeling guilty for letting her out of my sight when vehicles were coming and going (acreage). She was 15, healthy, but starting to have some issues and not a fast mover anymore and no one expected her to chase after the truck, so I can absolutely relate when you wonder about choosing to go that way instead of lingering on. That thought is very helpful to me. Maybe they just have a knowledge of the old age difficulties ahead, and didn't want to go through another winter with all the aches are pains. I try to focus on all her favourite activities that she can do again now that she is over the bridge, which her body couldn't do anymore here on Earth. I can see why our fur babies would make that choice because I, like you, would have held on a long time. Respecting the choice helps me let go of some guilt, though there is still so much sadness!
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Juls
Hello cowgirl1959

I feel the same way. I don't understand why my beloved dog was taken away from me. It hurts like hell and it's killing me inside. I also have so much guilt. And i miss her presence in the house. I miss hugging and kissing her. It's just so painful that I don't know if i can move on. I don't want to go on in life. I also saw her in the clouds the first day she left me. I know it sounds weird but I really saw her form. It made me a little happy but everyday it just keeps getting harder. I'm so incomplete without her. :(
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