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Mimipaz

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Two weeks ago we took our 15 y/o orange tabby to the vet, he had not been eating too much and was always looking for comfort and coming to sit by me regularly. We learned by the Xray he had a mass in the stomach, that most likely was cancer. The course of action was surgery the next day, the vet said if she saw the cancer too spread she wouldn't wake him up to avoid his suffering.
Next day I took him to another vet for a second opinion, she recommended to avoid surgery and to put him on prednisone and to try to keep him comfortable for the next weeks.

He's been kind of stable, so thin though, we feed him with a syringe 4 times a day and he still  manages to use his little box and roams around so very weak. I don't have the heart to put him to sleep, my oldest 24 y/o boy has cried his eyes out as we got him when he was 7 weeks, I'm constantly crying anticipating how the pain is going to be once gone. He's alert, and each time we feed him a wave of energy gets in him, but he's mostly in a bed by the window or wrapped in his blanket during the day. I work from home so my pets are my companions. He's been always like an old soul, so in a weird way it's like losing a father figure.

We know, we are living on borrowed time that may come soon, but I can't find the strength to take whatever time he has with us.

I've been questioning myself, should've put him through that surgery?, would've it given him more time?, was I wrong on just let him spend his last weeks at home with us instead?

I'm so sad and I have terrible heart arritmias, thanks god for Xanax, otherwise I would be having panic attacks all the time. I can't stop crying, right now he's under his blanket in his bed enjoying the fire, but he's so thin.

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mindy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Mimipaz,
I'm so sorry about your baby.  I believe you will know when it's time to make the ultimate sacrifice and let your baby go.  I know that if you love him, you won't let him suffer.  I know that because your love for him comes through strongly in your post. 

Personally, I would not have put him through the surgery.  I learned a week ago that my Cocker Spaniel had a mass in her intestines last week.  It was the size of a grapefruit.  All of her organs had been pushed up against her spine.  There was no doubt in my mind that I had to let her go. If I had just brought her home, she would still be terminally sick and weak, and I loved her too much to see her like that.  

I will be thinking of you.  My heart goes out to you, Mimipaz.  Will say a prayer for you tonight.

Mindy

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"When the Keeper calls me home
and the Bridge gates open wide
our bond will deepen ten fold
as we walk through side by side."
(From "The Silhouette" by Terri Onorato)
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Mimipaz

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Reply with quote  #3 
Mindy,

Thanks for your words.
It's been hard to see him getting this weak, I can't believe how fast this has been.
It seems like yesterday he was coming to my arm chair to sit between my coffee and I, If I only could have him once more seated by me. Now I have to find comfort on seeing him laying on his bed and see he's still breathing with us. I never anticipated how great the pain of losing him would be. I'm in other words terrified of the time I won't see him around anymore. This grief is scary stuff. The pic attached is of right now.

Mia

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Mimipaz

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mindy

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Reply with quote  #4 
Mia,
Bless his heart.  It probably won't be long now, but when he passes, I hope you know that he will be whole and healthy again.  I truly believe that we will be reunited with our loving pets someday, and then what a joyous reunion that will be. 
Just shower him with love for now. (I know you will and are doing that already). 

Please keep us posted on how he's doing. 

{Hugs}
Going to go pray for you & Minipaz now.

Mindy 

__________________
"When the Keeper calls me home
and the Bridge gates open wide
our bond will deepen ten fold
as we walk through side by side."
(From "The Silhouette" by Terri Onorato)
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