This is our sweet little Roni.
Our sweet little Roni passed on to be with Our Heavenly Father at 8:57 pm yesterday night.
Yesterday morning, after bringing me to work with her daddy, she had convulsions and threw up. According to daddy (who was with her at the time, her eyes were black and she could not focus). Pepe, our other dog was moaning and did not let anybody else get near her. After cleaning her and getting her comfortable in bed, daddy called me and told me to rush home as we thought she would pass soon after that. She was, then, refusing to drink any water. I rushed home.
When I got home, she was alert and happy and she drank water when I offered to her. I thought the worst has passed. Although later on I found out her back legs did not seem to be sustaining her. I spent the day by her side and she ate and drank and slept and was alert and smiling. I thought she had had a stroke. I called the vet and made an appointment for that night as I had to wait for my husband to get home from work.
I was very excited about all the progress she had made throughout the day. She had been eating and drinking and was smiling and happy.
But my husband was preparing me for the worst and he told me that we should not let her suffer more than necessary.
We took her to Alameda East. I can not thank the staff and the Dr enough for the love and care they gave to my husband, me and Roni. Dr. Miller examined her and told us that our little Roni did not have a stroke but actually a brain tumor and that we should have a chest x-ray just to make sure that was not heart failure or that the cancer had not spread elsewhere. The news where not good. It was brain tumor and her heart was very big for her size. The moment had arrived. What did we wanted to do? Did we wanted to take her home and proceed with medication? It would prolong her life for maybe 2-3 months but they  could not guarantee they quality of life she would have. Plus with her arthritis she could barely walk anymore. (Although the little rascal walked when we arrived at the vet :) ).
It was the hardest decision we had to make. We decided to give a proper end and to let her go. They told us we can stay with her as she was going and we did. Bill and I hold our little baby in our arms until she was in the arms of Our Heavenly Father. We ask the doctor to give her a tranquilizer before so she would be asleep. And she did. But she was already asleep when they brought her to us. Our baby was tired. When was time to give her the shot, the Dr. warned us that it might take 1 to 1 1/2 minutes until it was finally over. It took less than 15 seconds. Dr. Miller said it was the fastest she saw a little friend go and that she thinks our little Roni was ready to go. She was tired. She was in pain.
I hope I was a good mommy for her.
I know that now she is free from pain and she is finally running and playing in the gardens of Our Heavenly Father.
My rationale keeps telling me that this was the best for her and that she is in a better place but I did not want to let her go.
It's been so hard and I can't stop crying.
She used to sleep on my feet in our bed at night and it was very difficult not to have her there anymore. It is painful to look at the bowls of food.
It was hard to let her go yesterday. I just wanted to keep holding her forever.
Is this pain ever going to end?
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Let me express my sincere sympathy on the loss of Roni.  I, too, am dealing with these same emotions.  My wife and I put our beloved yellow lab Zoe to sleep on Tuesday night.  8:33 pm is when she passed, in my arms.  She was not quite 8 years old, so her time with us was brief.  I have been in shock since then, crying uncontrollably most of the time.  Looking outside in the snow here, seeing her tracks......her toys and bowls, food, and kennel here in the has been the most difficult and painful experience of my life.  Nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  But I know this pain that I feel in my heart is a result of the love I have for Zoe, I will never let her go in my heart and mind.  Not having her physically here is horrible.......but she, like Roni, was in pain at the end.  And I would rather bear the burden of this emotional pain I feel than have her bear one more second of the physical pain she was feeling.  She didn't deserve to be in pain.

You and I have some things in common.  Our Zoe slept on our bed from the time we brought her home at 6 weeks old back in 2002.  I work from home, and my entire daily schedule revolved around Zoe and my 2 year old son Caleb.  I can tell you the first day is the hardest, as you can attest to today.  Tomorrow might be a little better, you may sleep better tonight, and hopefully each day gets better as you think of the good memories you created with Roni.  As they say, time heals all wounds.

You are not alone, remember that.


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Thinking of you.  I just "accidentally" hit the link to this site in my bookmarks.  I lost my beloved cat back in November, very suddenly at only 8 years old he was gone.  I hope you find some comfort.  Your lil fur babe was such a beauty.
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Thank you for your words of comfort.
Right now the pain is so much that I think my heart is falling into pieces. I just keep seeing my baby girl's face in front of me.
I keep praying I made the right decision for her.
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