eugenia
Hello everyone...our precious cat Nefeli died a week ago...she was not even 8 years old yet...She was my boyfriend's cat so I only got to know her for the last 2 years of her life and loved her dearly. She would always curl up on my lap, it was such a warm beautiful feeling, she was the sweetest soul...

Last Saturday morning, she was fine, her usual self, the beginning of just another ordinary day. Later on we had to leave the house and when we returned she had already gone...as far as we knew she was perfectly healthy, had been to the vet a couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend didn't want an autopsy perfromed, he said it would just prolong the torture, so we just let her go...The vet said it was probably an aneurism or heart failure and she must have gone quickly. But then again, that was just an opinion on the phone, no examination.

I have been tormented ever since. I don't know why she died, I have been researching online a lot...but most importantly I will never have answers as to whether she left without any pain and suffering and I can't forgive myself for not being there when it happened...did she know how much we loved her? Did she call for us when she was dying? Did she think we had abandoned her? Will she ever forgive us? I feel I have betrayed her...

I keep telling myself that she had a full life with us, she was well looked after but then there all this uncertainty about her final moments, it could have even been hours, I so hope not...
Quote 0 0
mybaby1robert
How sad for you. Unanswered questions are tough. I am like you and review, research, and relive things over and over. God bless you and your sweet baby. I watched mine decline for a time with cancer. Either way it is awful. Perhaps time will help us...just not yet.
Quote 0 0
eugenia
Thank you for your reply...

Cancer is such a horrible thing, I am so sorry for your loss... Were you with him when he went?

I just wish I had stayed at home that day, just to hold her..


Quote 0 0
Apollo_the_great
I am so sorry for your loss, and it is so hard to find out what happened. We had to put our baby Apollo to sleep 7 weeks ago today, and I know what happened, and I feel like you about Apollo. I still have questions about what happened and I will never have answers to them either. Don't torture yourself. She knew that you loved her, why else would she curl up in your lap. She loved you also. None of us can change what has happened, and all of us would if we could. I miss my boy so much, and I cried for him yesterday. That will never change, but I had to stop all of the ifs, wishing, and thinking I would devote my life to saving all the dogs in the world by becoming an expert on seizures in dogs. I hope that I'm not making you feel worse, I'm just trying to say that I understand your feelings of wanting to get answers to something that there is really no answer to. You feel guilty because you weren't there, so you are thinking the worst. I was there when it happened, he went to sleep in my arms, and I felt so guilty. I even thought the worst about everything. So try not to be so hard on yourself. People leave the house, and if there was something wrong with your baby, she would have let you know.
William
Quote 0 0
eugenia
Thank you so much William!

You are not making me feel worse, actually you are making me feel a little better...You are a very positive person and you are right, the ifs lead nowhere, we will never have the answers...

I am so sorry for your loss, it hurts so much when they have to go...still, it was a great thing that you were there for him, I'm sure it made things easier on him...

I am trying to get myself to think that they, like us, are passers-by in this world, nobody will be here forever...and I must think back to all the good times and all the happiness we gave her and she gave us...I hope time will help me shift to this frame of mind because now all I feel is that I've let her down...

Best wishes to you, I hope you feel better soon...
Quote 0 0
Apollo_the_great
I hated having to hold him when they did the dirty deed, but I know that he trusted me and would do anything for me. I couldn't allow him to struggle with strangers and be upset. I am a better person for having Apollo in my life. Now you just need to grieve, cry when you need to. I will always miss him. I can't see that changing. But you didn't let her down, it was something that you had no control over. You just love and miss her. It's normal. it's a process.
William
Quote 0 0
eugenia
Thank you so much William...your words are a great help to me...
Quote 0 0