renken

Our baby girl Angel passed away on March 1, 2010.  She found us on our sidewalk on September 2000.  Something had me look out our front window, and I saw her.  My wife and I went out to her.  When we got to her she perked up as much as her exhausted body could and she let out a tiny meow.  She was about 6 months old and only weighed one pound.  The vet didn't think she was going to make it past a few months.  A few months turned into a few years, which turned into 10 years. 

Angel was the sweetest cat my wife Renee and I have ever had.  She didn't roam at night like our other cats; she stayed right in bed with us all night.  When my wife would go to bed early Angel would be right there next to her.  Then if I came to bed a little later, she would jump down and greet me.  She would follow me to get ready for bed and then jump right up and curl up next to my head.  Her love was unconditional.  She loved rubbing her nose on my finger, using my finger to wash her face.  She loved jumping on the counter in the bathroom when we were trying to get ready to go somewhere and rub on us.  We will miss her little head butts on us and the sound of her little head butt on the door when we were about to walk in the room with her.  We loved her so much.

On March 1 at about 9:00 PM I walked out of the kitchen and saw her lying on the couch.  She looked up at me like she always did.  I walked back into the kitchen.  Not more than 15 seconds later my wife and I heard a thump.  I walked back in the room to check on her and Angel was on the floor and she was gone.  We attempted to resuscitate her but she was gone quick.  We just wish we could have seen how she ended up on the floor, not that it really matters, but one minute she was fine the next she was gone.

We are so heartbroken.  We have a photo of her and a candle in front which we  light at 9PM.  We take her picture and put it next to our bed when we go to bed so she can be where she loved to be at night.  Of course the grief, the questions why, what could we have done, and could we have cared for her better, have kept us very sad and keep running through our minds. 


We love you Angel and you are always in our hearts, thoughts and prayers.


Angel Marcy 2000-2010


Thank you for reading and sorry it is so long.


Ken and Renee Marcy

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zheriz
Hi Ken and Renee,

   I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand what you're going through as I just lost my Moosie on Feb 28,2010. I have all these questions in my head too but we have to be strong for our babies. They'll be waiting for us. You guys take care.

Gladys
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Jparish
What a beautiful kittie!!

You had almost ten great years together - now she really is an angel. You will see her again.
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Julia
I know how u feel I had a baby girl name angel too that died thesame day as yours. My baby died from a car hitting her. I am only a little girl and I never lost a pet until then I miss her.
Atleast your angel didn't have to suffer mine didn't really either
now both our angels are real angels now and maybe they are playing together right now.
They are looking down at us every second and are waiting for us to return home.
Their happy now and can be safe forever. One day we will sees our angels again until now we will just have to wait till we come home.:)
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Goobiesbf
What a sweet, sweet face!  Your Angel was a very special kitty and you're very special people for taking her in and loving her as much as you do.  I've had a number of cats through my long life and there seems to be an extra special bond between us and the sick/abused kits we rescue.  They never forget the extra mile we've gone for them and invest themselves in us with all their heart and soul.

You little Angel might have had an undiagnosed problem from her days as a stray or from some other abuse she suffered before she found you.  You'll never know why your sweet Angel had to leave but you weren't in any way responsible.  Although your memories of her hurt right now, as the days go by you'll slowly discover that you can remember with happy hearts the ten wonderful years you had with your sweet Angel.  You're very special people who were blessed with a very special Angel.
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renken
Thanks so much.  It's terribly hard... we are still really have a tough time with her passing.  We are so heartbroken.

Zheriz, we are so sorry for your loss.  Try to keep the good times in your head to over power the questions.

Jparish, thank you.  She is watching over us now.

Julia, I am so sorry.  I hope they are playing together right now and having a great time.

Goobiesbf, thank you for your kind words.  We gave her the best home we could and she gave us so much love.  She was so happy to be with us.  Our hearts ache, but hope that ache turns back into the total love and contentment we felt in our heart for her.

Thanks again.

Ken and Renee



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renken
Yesterday, 3/4, morning was pretty difficult.  It was the first time since Angel's passing that I woke up with my wife having already left for work and my Angel not laying next to my head.  I work late so I go to bed later and wake up 3 hours later than my wife.  Angel was always next to me when my wife left. 

Also...  have been thinking and maybe it's wishful thinking but this is what I want to believe.  When I found Angel on the floor it looked like she was in convulsions, but her eyes were not fully dilated yet, she still had some color in them.  I called her name and picked her up then the color went out.  And it was only for a few seconds.  I want to believe that she hung on just enough for me to touch her,  I'm probably stretching it but that's what I want to think.

My wife is having trouble dealing with the fact she got home from work about 5 minutes before Angel passed and didn't get to see her.  She is also troubled by the fact she can't remember if she spoke to her or pet her in the morning before she left to work.

Ken

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Julia
Thank you
it has gotten Better for me a little
I still miss her but I don't feel much pain anymore
it will all heal in time
thanks for the message Ken and Renee
it means alot
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renken

My husband Ken has been doing most of the posting on our behalf but this is the first time that I have had an opportunity to post something since our baby girl has passed... It hasn't even been a week... but it seems like so much longer.  Every day when I wake up there is a split second where I don't remember, but then it all hits me again.  I try so hard to remember the good times Ken and I both had with her, but the thoughts of the night she left us keep coming back when all I want to do is push them out of my head.  I hope in time those memories will fade, but I am also scared that the good memories will fade too…I know that Ken is having a hard time with dealing with the memories of that night too and we are doing our best to remind each other of all the good times and the happy memories we have of her. 

Thinking about the night that she passed, I felt so helpless… I know we did everything we could to save her, but I also know that even though we tried everything, she was already gone…The things that I try to think about that night are that at least both Ken and I were here,  so she wasn’t by herself when it happened.  I also want to believe that she didn’t suffer… it all happened so fast… she didn’t make any noises… just one minute she was here and the next she was gone… I am still so heartbroken about everything...

Every day when I get home from work, I am anxious until I am able to come inside and make sure that the other two cats we have are okay.  I try not to worry about them, but sometimes I just can’t help it.  I don’t know what I would do if something were to happen when I am not here with them.  I also don’t want to go through seeing them pass like we did with Angel.  I feel so conflicted.  I feel like the only times I feel less anxious is when both Ken and I are here so that I know the cats are safe and Ken is safe at home too…

Renee

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renken
Hello.  It was a week ago at this time we lost Angel.  Our hearts still ache and today hasn't been an easy day.  Right now is not a particularly easy time of night this is the time she passed.  Thanks again everyone for your kind words.

Ken and Renee
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renken
It has now been two long weeks.  Time has gone by sooo slow.  We are still dealing, slowly.. a lot of anxiety.  We miss our Angel so much.
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Goobiesbf
I'm 2 1/2 weeks ahead of you on grief's path.  It does get better but there are a lot of memories that pop up with time and season. There are a lot of anniversaries to mourn.  Just when I begin to feel like I'm getting some control something "Goobie" catches my attention.  We had a warm day yesterday and the lizards were out in force so of course for me it was the first day I didn't have to remind Goobs not to pester the lizards.  I was shaken awake by an earthquake this morning and had no big, furry, purring comforter to grab.  Everytime I look at his favorite places to sun or roll in the dirt, the emptiness tugs at my soul.  I have more peaceful, tearless times now but sometime everyday my missing him bubbles to the surface.

The one thing that is still very painful is that I didn't get to say goodby.  I think this is the big hurt for all of us.  Goobs had been sick and had been to his vet and to a specialist for 3 months with no diagnosis. He was starting to have a lot of trouble eating.  I dropped him off at his vet for a dental exam and extractions if necessary and expected to pick him up at the end of the day.  His vet called while he was still on the table to tell me that he had a tumor in his mouth that had grown down his throat and recommended euthanizing him while he was still under anesthetic.  My brain spoke before my poor shocked heart could get a word in and I OK'd it.  My decision still haunts me.  He and I took care of each other.  He was my watchcat, protector (he would attack the neighbor's dogs when I was giving them treats;-) and constant companion (I work from home).  I felt safe while he was around.  He was dumped as a kitten with his mother and sister and was extremely skittish and shy.  I finally caught and tamed him when he was 8 months old.  He was a one-woman cat and, for 15 years, I was that woman.  I called his name and he came.  I touched him, petted him or picked him up and he always purred. I taught him some tricks.  He and I were inseparable.   I feel like I abandoned him on his last day on earth.  I would've given anything for one more day.

So when I read your comments about wondering if you said goodby to Angel before you left for work, etc.  I know what you're talking about and how you feel.  I'm sure that your Angel and my Goobie know how much we love them but from our point of view, giving them a proper death, being there to comfort them and to say goodby, was also part of our duty to our beloved furbabies.  Until we've walked far enough on grief's path to see ourselves as the wonderful cat parents everyone else knows we are, we'll just have to deal with this pain.  I'll be sending kind thoughts your way.

Ellen
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renken
We can't believe but today makes it 4 weeks since Angel passed away.   I (Ken) have had a lot of stress from this, to the point of affecting my health.  However, things have gotten a little easier.   We have her ashes and a mold of her paw print, so at least she is home.  One of our other cats, Shadow, used to pick on her all the time.  Now I can tell he misses her very much.  He now bugs us at night to come sleep in the bedroom, something he never did before.  Again, thanks everyone it is appreciated.

Goobiesbf, I never thanked you again.. sorry. 
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