I feel so sad and heartbroken without you. Friday I made the decision to have you put to sleep
and it was the worst experience ever. You became my joy and loving buddy when you were just 6 weeks old and I had you for 17 years
or would be this Christmas. I have no children so you were my baby. My beautiful little rat terrier. You were so smart and a true gentlemen.
I only had you for 3 years before got anther pup. We really bonded during that time.
These 17 years have been such a joy with many fond memories. Just 3 weeks ago, you started limping and I got the sadist news that you had bone cancer
which had spread to your lungs and you only had a few weeks to live.
As it got more painful to walk, you let me know you were so comfortable in my arms and appreciated me carrying you out and in to pee and poop.
But walking was painful due to the cancer tumor on your shoulder. Friday you started bleeding internally (pooping blood).
And you were dizzy trying to stand and didn't want to eat anymore. You were weak and could not hold your head up in your doggie bed.
I wish I had let you pass at home but I was so scared that you would suffer. You were my special boy and I wanted to protect you.
I admired your spirit with all the knocks you had in life like going blind at 12 due to glaucoma. At first you were so scared and wanted to only be on
my lap then you adjusted and acted like a regular dog.
You were trying your best to adjust horrible bone cancer as well. Last week I took you out to the park to your favorite sniff and pee spot and you
were fine with being in a carriage to and from. Once we got there you were like ok let me out. I know what to do here. :-)
Otto, please forgive me if I did the wrong thing. The Vet was very tender with you and I could tell you felt at ease. And I held you in my arms where
you felt safe during the procedure.
Everyone tells me I did the right thing but I don't feel that way. The Vet said you might have 2 more days but that I might regret putting you through that.
Your little body moved up and down 3 times when your heart was stopping. During that excruiatingly long second I was in horror. I was not expecticing that.
Everyone tells me they had different experiences and thier pups did not move at all. It kind of feels appropriate becuase you were all heart.
I didn't want to let you go once you had passed. I wanted to hold you forever.
My life feels so empty without you to care for. I don't know that I will ever be able to put another dog to sleep after this experience. I have your
son and buddy Rocket. He is 14 and I can't imagine losing him too and going through this again some day in the future due to his heart condition.
I can tell Rocket misses you.
I love you Otto