wkcookie
Hi Everyone,

It's been a little over a month since I said goodbye to my girl. The guilt is eating me inside. A part of me feels like I should have tried harder and maybe would have been able to put it off by a few days/weeks or maybe even months.  Should I reach out to my vet to find out if I was too soon?
Quote 1 0
lettersatlarge

wkcookie wrote:
Hi Everyone,

It's been a little over a month since I said goodbye to my girl. The guilt is eating me inside. A part of me feels like I should have tried harder and maybe would have been able to put it off by a few days/weeks or maybe even months.  Should I reach out to my vet to find out if I was too soon?

 

Vets are very sensitive to both the needs of the pets and their owners. I strongly believe that if your vet did not actively warn you that you were moving too soon, that you were doing the right thing. I've had experiences where I was afraid I'd have to put my pup down (before the time actually came, of course), and the vet strongly but sensitively nudged me away from that thinking. This is in direct contrast to the day I had to put my little old man down for real, when the vet outlined all my options, was gentle in explaining that they may or may not work and would possibly buy a little time, and it was clear to me when he looked at me in the eyes and said "its very difficult, but you have to consider what might be the compassionate thing to do." That's when I knew that the vet was trying to let me know "look, he may have a few more hours, days, maybe a week, but is that fair to your pet?"

 

Unless the vet argued against it strongly, they know. They wouldn't let you end your baby's life without arguing the options.


I hope this helps.

Quote 1 0
William
Hi
I still wonder on and emotional level if I was too soon. But, my vet brought up quality of life two weeks before we had to make our decision.
If you trust your vet I would think you would have had their support on making the decision?
I think I will always question my decision on my own selfish emotional level because i loved my boy so much.
On an intellectual level I know I wouldn't have wanted to watch him deteriorate or push himself to do things knowing he didn't feel well.
I think they love us so much they try and stick to routines to keep us happy. William used to always sit in front of the bathroom door when my husband was showering. I had to carry him to the door so he could sit. I know he was trying to keep up.
I'm sorry for your loss and I understand your questioning. If it makes you feel better have that discussion with your vet. Mayb that will bring you some peace as you mourn the loss of your baby.
I'm sure others will have helpful words for you.
I'm sorry for your loss
Kim
Quote 1 0
jeffreyburcham
My beloved Satin Marie left peacefully and in no more pain June 1, 2017 and we had already made an appointment with her regular vet for Friday June 2, 2017 to see if there was anything that could be done for her as I wanted to be certain before just jumping into euthanizing her. I question myself on a few things, like forgetting to ask her Oncologist about giving her the Bravecto, which even their web site states to use caution when the animal already has a weakened immune system and I didn't think when I have it to her, along with my three boys, May 22, 2017 because 2 days later, she took a turn for the worse and by May 31, 2017, after slipping on our basement steps on Memorial Day, May 29, 2017, and me finding her a few hours later, I have guilt for not taking her to the emergency clinic near us then. Would it have made any difference? I'll never know and that keeps killing me but I also am intelligent to know the tumors got to her fragile body in the end. Like Bonniesmum stated, when they get sick and keep getting better, it throws your thinking off. Fortunately, the very sweet and kind vet at the emergency clinic had just two weeks prior taken care of my Shepherd who had gotten into a fight with my big boy (we have three boys ) during the clinics after hours and was on duty when I finally just couldn't sit there and watch her being in obvious pain. She had been to the puppy day spa earlier that day and had her two cheeseburgers, although she vomited them up at the emergency clinic later that night. I knew on the way there at 11:00 pm May 31st that I would be saying goodbye to her and the vet, I could see it in her eyes. She was kind and gentle but honest and she knew I knew I had to end her pain. It kills me, very day but being here has helped tremendously. We've had to say goodbye to other furbabies but Satin Marie was so much different.

The guilt of would've, should've could've will always be with me, even though I know I didn't kill her, the cancer did. But the what ifs, I can't seem to shake them but seeing all the loss and more importantly, the LOVE, here had helped me. None of us are alone and we never will be. I wish I had found this place in 2008 when my Sparkle had to leave me. I am grateful I got on the internet last week and found this place. Just know, you are not alone, you are amongst family and friends wkcookie. :)
Quote 1 0
Susie_Squillions
When I first came to this site in 2004, I remember reading a wise comment from a fellow visitor. He said, "I would rather let her go a week too soon than a moment too late." I have always remembered that. 

I work in a vet E.R. where we see a higher number of sad endings than most vet offices do, since people try to hang on and then rush in to our facility during overnight or weekend hours. Often, those farewells are traumatic for both our clients and our patients. 

I have never heard someone say they feel guilty for letting their beloved pet go too soon, but I have heard many people, myself included, voice regrets for waiting too long. 

The guilt you feel is absolutely normal, and my heart goes out to you now as you struggle with it. I hope you will find a way to forgive yourself and realize that you made the decision you made when you made it with the best information you had at the time. If you had had one more day, the sorrow would still be there for you now. Please be gentle with yourself and know that you made the decision you made out o love. 

If you feel it will help, by all means, call your vet. This is not something new to them, and they will understand that you need answers that you can't find on your own. 

I wish you a place of peace, from which you will be able to move forward into healing.
In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

.T.J.'S RESIDENCY: http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm
.BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY: http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM
.KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY: http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm
.
A fresh start after 947 posts. March 7th, 2011. I've been coming to this wonderful site since April 6, 2004.
Quote 2 0
jeffreyburcham
I have that book, in French. Le Petit Prince. Very nice quote, thank you. :)
Quote 1 0
wkcookie

Hi Susie,

May I ask for your opinion since you work at an emergency vet?

I had a 16.5 year old spayed female shih tzu. Long story short....she was diagnosed with cushing's a few years ago then in fall 2015 had part of her bladder removed because of TCC cancer tumor. In fall 2016, the tumor returned.

This past April, she started to lose weight and struggle with eating/drinking. In early May, she started kidney failure. BUN was 130 and creatin was 3 point something. She got sub q fluids one Saturday afternoon and she ate that night but didn't seem herself still. Just laid around a lot and turned down a lot of food and was relying on scraps and half jars of baby food. Two days later I decided to let her go. Was I too soon?

I wonder if I should have done more sub q fluids or tried harder. Her internist that did the bladder scan wanted to see her in two weeks. She was the one that told me about the kidney failure. It was our local vet that did the sub q fluids for us and came over for the euthansia. Thank you.

Quote 1 0
Susie_Squillions
wkcookie:

I sent this to you privately, too. I just want to be sure you will see it whichever way you check for a reply.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Although I am not medical staff at our facility, I am on the front lines as the front desk person during emergency hours. 
 
It sounds to me like you did everything in your power to give your girl a good life. Letting her go was probably the kindest thing to do for her. I know how it hurts us when that time comes, but you truly did what was best for her. From the way it sounds, she had lost or was losing her joy of living. They say that when they are no longer enjoying food and treats, wagging their tails, or readily expressing happiness, they are ready. One thing I know is that they will stay as long as they must to let us arrive at the decision, but that isn't usually the best thing for them. Bless you for doing what was best for her, knowing your own heart was going to shatter. It's a beautiful thing to do for our best friends. 
 
This is a helpful guide that should answer your questions. It sounds to me as if you followed this closely without realizing it. 
 
From:

KNOWING WHEN IT’S TIME

Talk to your veterinarian. He or she is the best-qualified person to help guide you through this difficult process. In some cases, your veterinarian may be able to tell you definitively that it is time to euthanize your pet, but in other cases, you may ultimately need to make the decision based on your observances of your pet’s behavior and attitude. Here are some signs that may indicate your pet is suffering or no longer enjoying a good quality of life:

  • He is experiencing chronic pain that cannot be controlled with medication (your veterinarian can help you determine if your pet is in pain).
  • He has frequent vomiting or diarrhea that is causing dehydration and/or significant weight loss.
  • He has stopped eating or will only eat if you force feed him.
  • He is incontinent to the degree that he frequently soils himself.
  • He has lost interest in all or most of his favorite activities, such as going for walks, playing with toys or other pets, eating treats or soliciting attention and petting from family members.
  • He cannot stand on his own or falls down when trying to walk.
  • He has chronic labored breathing or coughing.
I hope that will help to put your mind at ease.
 
Wishing you continued healing.
 
xoxoxo
In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

.T.J.'S RESIDENCY: http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm
.BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY: http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM
.KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY: http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm
.
A fresh start after 947 posts. March 7th, 2011. I've been coming to this wonderful site since April 6, 2004.
Quote 0 0
wkcookie
Omg Susie. Thank you so much for your reply. Your words are comforting and invaluable. Every time that awful nagging feeling of guilt creeps back in, I will re-read your post to help align my logic with my heart. Thank you again and bless you and your family fur babies and all, Kim.
Quote 0 0
William
It's great to have someone in the field that sees emergencies everyday give a response. Controlled environments and making choices were my driving decision with William. He was only going to need a battery of tests which meant frequent car rides which made him nervous. As a pup he loved the car but over the last few years I noticed the anxiety building. I felt awful putting him in the car watching him pant and shake.
William was still enjoying some aspects of life. But, I had to decide how long I would be able to watch him deteriorate. They don't have a voice to say " I hurt. I'm tired. I'm scared"
I chose to give William death with dignity. Painful everyday we have to make a choice. But, rushing him into the vet in an emergent situation was not the way I wanted to end our friendship.
Bless us all as we are in the same boat but fortunate to have so much support!
Kim
Quote 0 0
Susie_Squillions
You will never know how much your comments comforted me, knowing that my comment helped you. xoxo
In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

.T.J.'S RESIDENCY: http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm
.BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY: http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM
.KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY: http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm
.
A fresh start after 947 posts. March 7th, 2011. I've been coming to this wonderful site since April 6, 2004.
Quote 0 0