tr4822
This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. This is gonna sound terrible but I handled the loss of my Mother and Father better than I'm doing over losing my KC last week. My parents were 70 and 83 when they passed. Kc was a senior dog, 13 and 1/2, but in my mind she was still my puppy, if you know what I mean. Got her as a rescue at age 2 and 1/2 right after I retired at age 55. Had her over 11 years and 2 months. So we were together almost 24/7 for that entire time except for my short hospital stay in 2009. Tomorrow is one week and the sadness is overwhelming. It has taken over my entire being, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't wrap my head around  the finality of it that I will never see her or pet and hug and kiss her again. I have another furbaby, Mingo ,that I love dearly also, just as I do KC and a loving understanding wife and kids and beautiful grandkids close by. But right now I can't think of much of anything but missing my KC. I sure hope it gets better for me. I gotta believe she'll be waiting for me in Heaven. This post might sound kind of mushy to some of you coming from a grown man but the love I have for her and the loss I feel is so strong . Bless all of you as you are all going thru this too or have in the not too distant past. Thank you for letting me grieve to you all. Hopefully it helps me.  Regards Tom Rhodes 
Thomas H. Rhodes
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Lucy6161
Dear Tom
I've been reading a lot of stories about people losing their furbabies and the majority of them have said they mourned their loss more than members of family who have passed over.
I miss feeling needed and wanted , my parents lived close by but my animals lived with me , slept in my room , relied on me to feed and water them , gave me unconditional love no matter how foul a mood I was in . They were the consistency in my life , never judged me when I'd had to much to drink and fell up the stairs or heard me on the phone having a go at the internet provider ! We loved them so so much and it's bloody awful but you will get through it . As for being a grown man being mushy , my husband has been crying every day . Xxxx
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scampisdad
Its will be one week tomorrow night I lost my little girl. The loss and tears this grown man has shed this week is unreal. I'm going to have to say this is one the hardest losses I've experienced as an adult. I'm so sorry your suffering right now. I do understand and find myself in the same boat as yourself. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.  
Bill roberts
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Mousefords_Mom

Tom,

I have scoured the internet for information & personal stories on grieving our beloved animal companions, & something that pops up a lot is the feeling that people are mourning the loss more & in worse ways than the losses of actual people.

To anyone who has never had a deep, true, bordering-on-unhealthy sort of love for an animal, that idea can seem ludicrous. But for the rest of us, it is just the way it is.

I love my Mouseford & cared for him & tended to him with more energy & attentiveness than I've ever thrown at anything.

I work from home, so Mouseford & I were together ALL THE TIME. It was Maggy & Mouse. I'm having issues with identity because of how large of a part he played in my everyday life.

Two months in, & I still cannot believe I will never see him again. I can't fathom not running my hands over his velvety coat. I am unable to comprehend the fact that he is no longer here.

I have had to slowly become a new person. It sucks. But I know Mouseford would not want me to be miserable all the time.

When I shower, I say to myself, Mouseford would be proud that I am taking this shower. When I apply makeup, I say, Mouseford would be proud that I am trying to put my best face forward. When I eat breakfast, I think, Mouseford would be proud that I am taking care of my body.

Because in the early days, I was not taking care of myself. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. I drank vodka until the booze blacked out everything. And I ended up in the emergency room.

No one can say much of anything to help us cope. It is something that at its core must be endured alone. We are all here for you, though, & whenever you feel it is all too much, just write it out here.

My thoughts are with you.

Maggy
***Loving & missing my sweet Mouseford***
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Lamont
Tom
At 66 years old, I have been burying friends and family a lot in the past 12 years or so. And yes, I will admit that I cried at my mother's funeral mass. She died at 87, but had a pretty good run of things before she developed esophageal cancer, and was taken apart by the fee for service medical provider she had.
But like all most  humans, excepting some children, she had made peace with the inevitable and died with dignity, and in the end, on her own terms, God Bless her.
Ive also had a few dear friends die, and only when the ones who died way too young , have I been truly heartbroken. But I moved on soon enough.

I have grieved and been sad over all those people, but no individual soul has ever touched me as deeply as my little cat. Not one. Why is that, aside from the fact that she was devoted in the way a faithful dog is, she was always there to comfort me when she knew I was in pain, sad or sick. She would literally guard me, alertly settling down to watch me, and make sure no harm came to me. Or snuggling up close in support and affection. She treated me a little like a big kitten, too, making sure I got my fingers cleaned before we all fell asleep, or tormented me a little while I did back stretches, grooming my head, and face. 

She even loved my guitar playing, or pretended to, finding a place to listen and sometimes even trying to strum the strings with her little head. Sometimes she would squirm around and dig the music, although her rhythm wasn't perfect, I got the idea she was actually grooving along. She liked blues in the key of e, and country songs in g. 

Her favorite thing, sitting next to me and watching TV while holding paws, her paw firmly planted on mine, as if to claim me for her own. 
She liked to play with cat toys, but only for a few minutes at a time, preferring to wait in the breezeway under our back stairs, snagging the unfortunate mice, gophers and once even a large Norway rat, easily half her weight of 6.4 lbs. Not a to brag, she parked it's carcass next to a post, as if to say, "who's next?"

So when I tell people she was not "just a cat", I think it's true. Like a little person, in a cat suit. I have never had a friend, in my life like that. I doubt I ever will again. But lucky me for having the honor of being her friend, too.

So when you say you have grieved more for KC than even your family. I understand.


L


PS
The first thing I asked when I found this group: 

How to make a grown man weep uncontrollably?

Answer: Ask him to disassemble the "Cat Tree" dispose of it, then get rid of the litter box, and find a place for all those toys. 
That is devastation.
Bertie's Daddy
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tr4822
To Bill, Maggie, and Lamont,
 Thank you for understanding my pain and for offering support and comfort. One week yesterday and tears almost non stop thruout the day. How do we get past that we will never see them again or hold them or pet or kiss them? That's what's killing me last few days. I brought KC home last night. I had her cremated and have her paw print also. Gonna put a memorial to her with pics, her collar, fav treat, paw print and urn on a mantle in our living room. I know then I can talk to her everyday. It's just not fair that our babies lifespans aren't equal to ours. I wonder why God did that. I hope and pray we can all heal in time and our pain and suffering turns to wonderful and joyous memories of our beloved furbabies. God bless you all.  I hope we continue to share on here in coming days, weeks ,months, whatever it takes for us to begin to heal. I know hearing your sincere words, support, empathy, and your stories of your lovely babies  helps me deal with my loss. I'm grateful to you for that.     Regards Tom
Thomas H. Rhodes
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tr4822
So sorry I forgot to include Lucy in my last post. I just didn't scroll up far enough this am to see all the responses. Sorry Lucy. my head is spinning as I write this am. God bless you too for your words of comfort and I hope you also will continue on this support site to help all of us heal.
     Regards, Tom
Thomas H. Rhodes
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sds
Thomas, I understand how you feel. And I'm very sorry for your pain.  My kitty, Scout, was so much a part of me and my life these past 20 years.  I, too, mourned the loss of parents, yet this is different.  I think it's because he was with me every day, as KC was for you.  I suppose it's like a new parent who pours everything into their baby, only for much longer since they are like babies their whole lives.  It's been about 6 weeks for me and I can say that things are "easier" in some ways, incessant grief is declining, but it comes back in waves.  Some days are very hard, and I still grapple with guilt.  

Here is a quote I read awhile back that spoke to me.

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Sharon
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Buddy2018
My heart goes out to all of you.  I too said goodbye to my best friend April 3rd, 2018 and miss him so much.  I wrote a long letter to my Buddy of all his habits and have continued writing in the journal each day all my sadness and feelings.  Like you all, every corner of the house reminds me of him and all I can do is feel sadness.  I smell him in his blanket which I keep rolled up until his scent goes away.  He was with me 24/7 and followed me everywhere.  Today in my journal I wrote something I'm sure you all can relate to.  My heart is hurting. 

Today I’m missing you so.  I wanted to walk you one more time, squeeze you one more time, kiss you one more time, feed you one more time, have you sit in the recliner with me one more time, have you rest your little head on rollers from my chair one more time, have you sit by the sliding glass door sunning yourself one more time, having you beg for food one more time, having you sit by the bathroom as I shower one more time, having you follow me up and down the stairs one more time, see your little tail wag one more time.  Just one more time, just a million times more.

I pray we can all get through this.  Take care of yourselves. 

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tr4822
To Sharon and Buddy's Mom, I am so very sorry for your losses and the pain of these losses. Thank you for understanding what I'm going through. Your words and support help me. Please know I will be praying for us and our beloved furbabies that we will be reunited with them. Only been 8 days for me now and the pain and sadness has not dissipated one tiny bit yet. I guess in time it won't be constant. I want so bad to have my every thought of KC to be happy and not sad but I can't see that far ahead. I 'll love my sweet girl forever as you are loving your sweet babies forever, Take care. I'm sure we'll be helping each other with support on here for however long it takes. I know it does help to know others care about my great loss as I care about yours.  Thanks     Tom
Thomas H. Rhodes
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sds
Thank you, Tom.  It is comforting to have a community of mourners supporting one another.  Though I wish I could do more to help.   Eight days is not very long.  The early days are especially horribly painful.  I will hold you, and all of us, in my heart during this difficult time.  
Sharon
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Buddy2018
Thank you Tom.  Praying for us.


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JazzysMom_1
Thinking of all of you who posted on this.  Tom, I know it is still very raw.  Today is 3 months since I tragically lost my angel Jazzy.  As Sharon says, the incessant 24-7 grief sort of eases but it does come back in waves.  You are not alone.  I lost my sweet Dad in August last year but for some reason this has hit me harder.  I feel I will never be the same.  I feel disconnected from the universe and so understand how you and the others feel.  At 3 months I still can't bear to print some pictures of her to put with her ashes.  This forum will bring you some comfort in that it helps you not feel alone in your grief; which is important.  The exhaustion from trying to not be sad in front of others is overwhelming sometimes, but it sort of forces us to function.  I hope everyone has some relief this week.  Prayers.

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Stasia
This is gonna sound terrible but I handled the loss of my Mother and Father better than I'm doing over losing my KC last week.

No, it doesn't horrible at all. I get it. When Sylvester died, I felt a pain that I had never, ever felt before - not with the loss of any person in my life. It is agonizing. I don't know why it hurts so much, but it does.  I saw this on Facebook - its a good read and it explains things perfectly:


https://m.petmd.com/news/view/why-losing-dog-can-be-harder-losing-relative-35932



Stasia
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Bayley
Hi  Your comment hits home with me.  I am in the same situation as you.  I live alone and my Bayley lived with me for 13 1/2 years, we were together 24/7 -  with my children grown and out of the house, he was my family.  I adored him.  Whenever I was out I looked forward to getting home to him.   Family thought he tied me down but they didn't realize I loved being with him.    Bailey suddenly dropped dead on Feb. 20/18 - right in the middle of chasing squirrels in the backyard - no known health issues - vet thinks his heart just gave out, and like you I am haunted by his absence - my apartment which used to be a place of fun, a feeling of family and companionship is now empty and lifeless.   I walk around in a daze not quite believing that I will never see him again.   I too hug his blanket, touch his sweater and hate to go to bed because he slept with me every night and now the bed is empty.. I used to be up by 8:30 to take him for his walk.   Now I sleep in as theres nothing to get up for.   Yesterday was the first day I didn't break down .  Of course family says - thats great - see your feeling better - but no thats not the case -  you get to the point where your body can't cry any more tears and you accept the new reality but its a miserable reality like a scab that has healed over but still hurts -   I'm on auto pilot going through the motions.  Yesterday I wrote my Bayley a letter telling him everything I loved about him and how much he meant to me -  I am missing him so.   And yes, losing him was harder than losing my parents over 25 years ago.   
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