I have scoured the internet for information & personal stories on grieving our beloved animal companions, & something that pops up a lot is the feeling that people are mourning the loss more & in worse ways than the losses of actual people.
To anyone who has never had a deep, true, bordering-on-unhealthy sort of love for an animal, that idea can seem ludicrous. But for the rest of us, it is just the way it is.
I love my Mouseford & cared for him & tended to him with more energy & attentiveness than I've ever thrown at anything.
I work from home, so Mouseford & I were together ALL THE TIME. It was Maggy & Mouse. I'm having issues with identity because of how large of a part he played in my everyday life.
Two months in, & I still cannot believe I will never see him again. I can't fathom not running my hands over his velvety coat. I am unable to comprehend the fact that he is no longer here.
I have had to slowly become a new person. It sucks. But I know Mouseford would not want me to be miserable all the time.
When I shower, I say to myself, Mouseford would be proud that I am taking this shower. When I apply makeup, I say, Mouseford would be proud that I am trying to put my best face forward. When I eat breakfast, I think, Mouseford would be proud that I am taking care of my body.
Because in the early days, I was not taking care of myself. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. I drank vodka until the booze blacked out everything. And I ended up in the emergency room.
No one can say much of anything to help us cope. It is something that at its core must be endured alone. We are all here for you, though, & whenever you feel it is all too much, just write it out here.
My thoughts are with you.