Knavarra
Today will be 1 wk that my Rag doll Riley was taken from me with no warnings or signs. I was a mess last Sunday and the couple days to follow. I felt like I was in a nightmare and did not want to wake up. I was lifeless and went along my daily routine on autopilot. I cried all the time and hated being hm b/c everything reminded me of her. She was my everything, my 1st cat that I ever took care off and the breed of cat I always wanted. I don't think Riley ever believed she was a cat b/c of how my family treated het. She brought many laughs and joy to our family in the short time we had her, 2 yrs and we got her when she was 8 wks old. I came across this site by accident and so glad I did. I would like to say, this site saved me and the people on here and reading their stories brought hope back into my life. Thanks to Lynda (Tim's mom) and many nice people on here with all ur comforting words to me brought some sense of calming and life back into me. As I write today, I'm not the same person I was when I had my Riley but slowly becoming a new person. I have woken and starting to face reality. Yes it still hurts very much but each day is getting a little easier to face. The pain will always be there but I have to go on living for Riley. She wouldn't want to see me this way. She loved everyone that she met and was always happy unless when I was combing her legs or giving her a hair cut on her legs. So for those of u dealing with the loss of ur pet now weather it be recent, unexpected, or from sickness, I'm truly deeply sorry and know ur pain and emotions. But it does get easier and u might be thinking it does not feel like that or ask urself how right now? But keep coming on here, writing ur emotions, feelings, talking to us, reading the stories. We are ur family on here and will help u get through this difficult time together. As I end this response, I would like to say this. Goodbye Riley, I have accepted u won't be coming back but now know u are not gone forever. U will always be with me. Thank u for ur happiness and always being there with me and that I will ever be so grateful for. U were the sunshine in my life and will continue to shine but in a new way.
(The 1st pic was a month after we brought her hm & 2nd pic was from summer)

Kim
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Chinadoll
Such a beautiful post, so loving and full of tenderness and emotion. I am so glad you are doing better and the acceptance is such a difficult step but we all face it. I didn't know Riley was a rag doll. My second cat I got was a rescue and at the time I did not know he was a rag doll. But later, I found out what a rag doll is, so amazing. When he got full grown he weighed about 16 lbs, and when I would pick him up he would go completely limp, I would laugh each time, it was amazing, I love rag dolls. Kim, the pictures are so beautiful, so sweet. thank you for sharing them. Blessings to you as this long journey continues, prayers for peace and comfort.
Charlie
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Knavarra
Thanks chinadool. Thank u too for ur calming words last week to me. Yes she was a Rag doll cat, 1 of the most loving cats possible, a family cat. I would tell everyone she was a dog, the dog version of a cat. Riley got to be 15pounds. I didn't think I would see the light at the end of the tunnel buy I'm slowly making my way too it. I truly believe its because of all of u on here.
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September
Hello Kim. It is very early days indeed for you. How was I at one week in? I have no idea. It was so surreal, those first days, weeks. We took a trip to Amsterdam for a few days for my birthday, two weeks after we lost Timothy. I didn't want to go, but it had all been planned. Whenever we had gone away before, my mum would come to stay to bunny-sit. This time I felt he was here and I was leaving him alone. He was on my mind every single minute. And if, for some reason, I was lost in the moment (for Amsterdam is a lovely place), Timothy would come to my mind suddenly and it was literally like a physical body blow that could reel me over. And then the memory was there again that he'd gone and it came with so much force, not a gradual realisation. I took a little box with some of his fur inside and slept with it close to me. I was so afraid I would loose it. One morning, we were having breakfast at the hotel and I saw him hopping into the dining room. I really did. I was staring at the floor and crying. My husband thought I had totally lost it. I was beginning to think the same because never had I felt such pain, not even when I lost my dad. Loosing my dad was grief, so I thought. Little did I know.

When we were flying back, I remember seeing a rainbow through the plane window. I smiled a proper smile for the first time in many days. I said to myself "We are coming home now, Timbo". I just wanted to get home. And I'm sad I couldn't enjoy a beautiful city like I should have, but glad that Timothy was forever with me while I was there.

It's now nearly 6 months. I'm coming to terms with the fact Timothy isn't here physically for me to pet, feed, play. Have I come to terms with it in other ways.?...no not yet. I cry, I feel guilt, I miss him terribly. He took some of my heart and some of my soul.

It will be a slow process, Kim. The fact our babies were young, seemingly healthy, and they passed without explanation, makes it difficult to understand, and therefore some closure might take a good while. We are probably prepared for that.

Riley is so beautiful. Her photos make me want to just hold her and snuggle.........that's what rag dolls do to you......

Lynda

Xx



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"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal"      C.S. Lewis
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Knavarra
Thanks Lydna. I love hearing ur stories about Timonthy. I didn't want to wake up and face reality but knew I had too. I needed to face that she would not be waiting foe me at the door or following me around. I was tired of being tired and all those other feelings. I know it will be a slow process and I know the pain will always be there. I feel guilty that I could have done something tyo save her before hand like bringing her in 4 a check up. But she was never sick, never showed any signs of anything being wrong. But then on other hand if I knew something was wrong by the doctor, my mind would be thinking of oh no, and all the emotions of emptiness would be there to. So I guess I can beat myself up. Ur poem was very nice that u wrote about Timonthy and for all the fur babies in ur post on here. It made me tear but very living. Hopefully Riley found ur Timonthy and he's helping her and keeping her company. Take care and thank u for ur posts. I truly believe this site and all of u saved me.
Xoxo
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Knavarra
I came back on today b/c I needed to just talk. I was doing good for a couple of days accepting Riley was gone but last nite I had another sad, empty moment. I started thinking about my Riley mad at the breeder who sold her to be without getting her tested for HCM. Mad myself for not asking more questions but that did not even cross mind when I got her. I hate knowing this now that it was passed down from the parents and that she didn't stand a chance. I could have done something but once again never showed any signs, acting like a happy kitten and kitty as the days, weeks, months went on. I told myself I wouldn't play the what if game but my mind keep thinking and won't stop. Losing our pets isn't fair and the heartache we go through after. I keep seeing her cute happy face. I'm trying to be strong for you Riley but it's hard for me at times. U were to young to leave me and should have had many happy days, years ahead of you. Everyone misses u too even though they don't mention it. Hope u are having fun and making loits of friends but I know u are because u loved everyone that came to the door. I posted more pictures of you because i can now at least think of all the funny things you like to do like get in any box, bag, or whatever else you could find to go under. Yes it still makes me sad when i think of u but also makes me happy to see u in pictures so i can always remember you. Goodbye for now Riley until I write again ♡♡♡
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catiebee
What a gorgeous girl! It is so terribly sad and hard to lose such a precious fur friend and I wish the heartache didn't last so long. Wishing you comforts...
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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