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JuniorsMom

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Reply with quote  #1 
I cant believe it has been one week since I lost my girl. I had had a somewhat better day wed and thurs meaning I showered and tried to look more presentable for work but the anxiety of fri marking a week since what seemed to me like my world flipped upside down has made me really sick. I survived yesterday with the sick feeling all day and did not sleep well...then this am found myself unable to want to do anything but sleep and had an epic crying breakdown. Her ashes I thought would be back this fri as well..and they are not so that is weighing on me. I keep thinking I wont be so out of sorts but I am on this rollercoaster. I miss her beyond words. I look for her and catch myself calling her name. My cat is doing his best to keep me company. He is a good boy ..and actually has mimicked some of missys actions the past couple days. I still feel as tho I'm disconnected from her..maybe because I'm still blaming myself so much for not doing more or catching the cancer sooner. I just wish I had my cuddle buddy back with me....:(
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Kristie
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Sandybag

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi,

I lost my girl on Thursday and have not stopped crying since. Like you sleeping is hard and I wake up in the early hours and the rollercoaster starts again.

I can completely understand how much you miss her and want her back - I would give anthing to have my Sammy back.

Please don't blame yourself for anything its obvious that you loved her and she loved you.

Now ive got to heave myself up off the sofa and clean up as I have  visitors coming. My eyes hurt from crying.


I know in time you will find peace and be abe to remember your cuddles with happiness.
Sandy

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Sandy
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Watson143

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Reply with quote  #3 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Junior.

I too lost my baby recently (11/25) and I’ve been a wreck.
The physical pain in my heart, the endless tears, the unbearable sadness is so incredibly overwhelming. The guilt and doubt questioning yourself is torture.. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

I can’t say it gets easier as I am not there yet.. and I don’t know if I will ever be.. but I do know your baby knows that you would move heaven and earth for her.
She knows how much you loved and continue to love her.
I suffer from the same doubts and guilt as you do, but I try to tell myself, and luckily with the help of this support group, try to keep those thoughts at bay. Our babies know how much we love them even if we don’t say it. They feel it. They know we would trade our souls for them— your baby knows.

I wish I could offer you more than just words but I’m just as broken as you.. we all are. But we are all here for you, no matter how broken, and in turn, we will find a way to be complete again.
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TJay

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi,
I am so so sorry for your loss! I’ve also found myself on this roller coaster of grief! Yesterday marked 2 weeks for me after loosing my girl nina to end stage kidney failure. I’ve also beat myself up about what happened almost everyday. Some days are better than others and then the grief hits me out of nowhere and all I do is cry! I don’t know if it gets better but I want to truly believe it does... this is the worst pain ever, I’m so heartbroken and I know exactly how you feel. Hang In there! I would add that it helps to write and express what you are feeling on here, it’s sort of therapeutic - at least that’s what I feel. My thoughts and prayers are with you and please know that we are all in this at the same time with you!

TJ

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #5 
JuniorsMom, 

I am truly sorry for your loss.
 
My beloved male doggie Sol, said good bye sixteen months ago.  This grief journey, is like a rollercoaster filled with pain.  At the beginning the pain is so raw and overwhelming that anything takes so much energy. Our mind seems to be re-playing their last day.  And, their absence is everywhere.  So, eating and sleeping are extra hard.  We each have to "walk" this grief road.  There's not a fast forward button.  We will have good days and bad days.... and eventually, our heart starts to learn to "adapt" to the pain and life will start to make sense again. … but, it takes time.  So, be gentle to yourself.  And, remember, you are not alone, I, we, understand your pain.  
Again, I am sorry for your loss.
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JuniorsMom

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Coming here helps give me some peace of mind. Which is very hard to come by these days. I still dont have my girls ashes back. I called today..and nothing. I know it seems silly but the thought of where she is even if not "her". It weighs heavily on my mind. I have always taken care of her and well I dont know this just eats at me. :( I think I dwell on strange things these days but I cant help it
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Kristie
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #7 
JuniorsMom,

It is not strange at all to want her ashes back... perhaps, it is not "her" to anyone else who never had a fur baby, but to us, It is her/him - and you just want her back home.
The heart is heavy with grief.... so, this awful pain intensifies our emotions.  In here, no one judges, we all understand what you are going through.   
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