Willy_sMom
One week, one day and less than three hours ago I lost my beloved Willy. Still a hole in my heart. Still tears. Still hugging the towel I used to dry him off after the last time I cooled him off with the hose. Every time I get ice I think there is supposed to be a dog trotting to me to get a cube. Every time I leave the house there is supposed to be a dog wondering if he gets to go with. Every time I open the corner cupboard there is supposed to be a dog with his nose in it hoping for a treat. Every time I look at the dark brown rug in the living room there is supposed to be dog hair on it. Every time... Every time... Every time...

My depression (major depressive disorder) symptoms took a back seat caring for Willy those last five days and now they are returning on top of this terrible grief. It seems there is no site that can relate to all of the stuff going on. The site I visit for people with depression, although there are some that can relate to this grief I feel, it's not meant for dealing with it. This site isn't meant for dealing with people with mental health issues even if I'm dealing with all this grief. I feel so isolated in the first place and now I don't have my Willy to talk to and I seem to have no place where I fit in. Not like that's anything new.

My cat, Claire, who pretty much hides during the day, has been coming out more often in the evening wanting scratching and a little attention. Seemed like she was looking around for him for a few days and now has figured out he's gone. She looks at me like, where is Willy? Even though they weren't best buds they still spent the last eight years together and had their own kind of bond.

I have never bonded with Claire like I did with my last cat, Andy. He was with me for almost 21 years...my entire adult life at the time. It was heart-wrenching when I lost him...though I knew, because of his age, it would come sometime. I have not been able to give my heart to Claire like that. But Willy, being my first dog, our family's first dog, he grabbed onto this "cat person's" heart in a hurry. My mom said to me the other day, when I was crying, "I never thought of you as a dog person," and then she smiled. Even she cried for Willy.

There I things I don't want to admit about Willy and Claire. I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed to feel that I would rather have my Willy here. He was the one always into things, always involved. When Andy was alive he was always out to see what was going on. Even when he was older, I put his big pillow right by the rocker so he could see all the comings and goings. If Willy was here now and inside he would be coming in the office to check on me, hearing me cry.

They say Shelties, even though they are a family dog, kind of bond the most with one person. With Willy that was my husband. But he was just as excited to see me come home and because I don't work I spent so much more time with him. Maybe that and because I can get so much more emotional and have trouble coping a lot of the time is why I am so devastated.

My husband has next week off from work. Originally we had planned a week long camping trip that, because we had to sell our trailer last year, we wouldn't have been able to take Willy along. My mom reluctantly agreed to take care of him. Well, because of finances we had to cancel that trip. We weren't really paying attention to replace the trip with something shorter and closer to home. We usually go camping at least five times a summer...this year it's been one night. For a myriad of reasons I suppose. But we scheduled a weekend in the middle of the week next week. About all we could do on such short notice. It kills me that we don't have to leave room in a packed car for Willy. That he won't be with us at all. We won't have to find a shaded spot at the beach so he has someplace to lay while we swim. That we won't be able to take him down to the lake and get him in the water to cool off. My husband won't take him for his early morning walk and come back with stories about how many people stopped to tell him what a beautiful dog he is or how many kids asked to pet him. He won't sit in front of my son while he's eating with that, please share your food, anxious look about him.

All this emotional pain, so much physical pain as well. I'm just lost.
For...
My dearest Sheltie Willy: January 11, 2006 ~ July 17, 2014

My beloved kitty Andy: May 5, 1985 ~ February 15, 2006 
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Bell
Hi there, I just read your post.  I am so sorry for your loss.
When our pet dies it is close to how we feel when someone we
love dies.  Some people don't understand this, but it feels like
part of us died with them. We try and fill that hole in our heart
with business but sometimes that isn't enough.  I have found 
whether it is a person or pet that we have to face the reality
that they are gone, and grief for awhile.  There is no shame in
grieving over a animal that gave you joy;  they were given to us
for that purpose. One day, your pain will lessen, but I know you
will never forget Willy, but Willy would want you to be happy, and
until you see him again, enjoy your life.
Margaret Parkinson
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MurphysMom_0831
Willy is so beautiful, and I'm very sorry for your loss of him. There are so many little things we miss about them, so many things that remind us of them, so many plans we had that now are discarded. They were our very best friends, companions, little lovers, children and without them we're lost. I feel the same way, having lost my Golden Retriever, Murphy, on June 18 at 3:20 PM after a rather sudden illness. Your feelings of devastation are normal. There are many of us still going through that feeling, along with many others, even though our furbabies left us longer ago than Willy. We have to go through the various stages of grief or we will never recover. It's the price we pay for loving them so much and receiving so much love from them in return. I'm sure Murphy will be playing with Willy at the Rainbow Bridge, and they'll keep busy until we join them some day.

Blessings and deep sympathy in the loss of beautiful Willy,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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Willy_sMom
Thank you, Bell and Kathryn, for your thoughts. Kathryn, I am so sorry for your recent loss as well. It's no fun. I still visit the cemetary where my Andy cat is buried who died 8 years ago...before we got Willy. Now I will go there to talk to both of them. I am so sad and just don't want to do anything. I haven't even been able to eat which I think caused me to start getting ill last night. My husband has fixed me breakfast and lunch today to try to help. Stress brought about from a friend hasn't helped either...which I'm trying to let go of. And of course the physical pain I'm dealing with I am just getting hit from all sides.

It is a nice day here, which also makes me think of Willy more because he would have enjoyed the day, so I need to try to get outside. We have a small backyard pool and water usually helps some but I have to force myself to get out...something I'm not great at doing. Of course the pool brings more thoughts too because Willy would always come up to the side with a ball in his mouth expecting us to play fetch. :) We'll see how today goes I guess.
For...
My dearest Sheltie Willy: January 11, 2006 ~ July 17, 2014

My beloved kitty Andy: May 5, 1985 ~ February 15, 2006 
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MonkeysMama

WillysMom, I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone.

I wish there was something I could do or say, it's awful you feel that way. 

Having dealt with depression for many years, I've been lucky enough these past several years to get in better control of my emotions and depression. When I lost Monkey, my chihuahua, last month, I have surprised myself with how "well" (for lack of a better word) I've been able to deal with it. Quite honestly, I believe my strength at this point truly comes from the unborn son I'm carrying. I don't think I would be where I am now if it weren't for him. If it weren't for him, I am sure I would've spiraled downhill quickly and would've regressed and lost all progress made these passed several years.

I'm sorry there isn't something at this time in your life to give you that much needed strength.

I hope you know you're in my thoughts, you and Willy. 

I hope there is a day soon that you turn the corner and begin to feel better and begin to truly heal. 

I hope you'll keep coming back here. Even if you don't feel you fit in, we all care about you and what you're going through.

Sending all my love,
Angelena

Monkey
April 1st, 2011 - June 7th, 2014
Rest in peace my sweet baby boy, I can't wait to see you again.
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MurphysMom_0831
I just love looking at Willy's picture. If you have more you can post, I'd sure love to see them. It means a lot to see who Murphy is playing with now at the Rainbow Bridge.

Do try and take care of yourself. Willy would not want you to become sick. I feel Murphy's presence and have had some signs that he's near me, and he wouldn't want me to be so upset that I get sick, as nearly happened in June. It takes time to start healing, often a lot of time. Be gentle to yourself and be sure to watch and listen for signs from Willy, no matter how small they might seem.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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Gertie
Dear Willie's Mom,

I am so sorry for the pain you are in. The loss of your beautiful baby Willie is devastating. But you are at the right web site. I have no words to comfort you, I do know your pain. Please know there are a lot people here to help you. This time last year my beautiful Lhasa Duncan was put to sleep. This was 6 months after my little kitty myles passed. Duncan was 9 and the love of my life. My marriage had ended the year before. Like you I had reach the end of my rope. But I found writing about my little fur babies saved me. The kindness and support I received from this site gave me the reason to go on. The love of a dog or cat is something so special. When they pass a part of us goes with them. I might suggest look to the night sky, find the brightest star, imagine it is your little baby smiling down on you. He will love you forever. He will always be near. Please reach out to your other kitty, hold him, he needs you.
I promise you will get through this. Please write about Willie, it will help.

I hope I have been of some help to you. Remember, you are not alone. 

I send you hug's and love,

Duncan & Myles Momxx
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Willy_sMom
Thank you all for you words. I appreciate them so much.

I looked at the calendar this morning and couldn't believe it. It's been 10 days. July 17th we lost our beloved Willy. Yesterday I spent all day in bed...sick with something. Today I was able to go to church but I still feel very strange. I don't know what it is. But my cat Claire stayed with me in bed all day long. I will have more time to love on her now. This cat person misses having a dog in the house but I miss Willy as more than just a "dog." When my Andy died, though we got Willy just three weeks later, I wasn't able to get a cat until 10 months had gone by. I had such a broken heart then also.

I have heard that it helps to get a different breed of dog and such but I just love Shelties. When I was in my 20s and camping once I camped next to a family with a small Sheltie and I was so impressed. She was so friendly and sweet. I decided right then that if I ever got a dog it would be a Sheltie. But as you know, Willy can never be replaced. It will take a while to know that another dog will not be Willy, no matter what breed it is. And I feel guilty that if we find another Sheltie I wouldn't be taking a shelter dog. I know the importance of that. My cousin's daughter is a vet (who I relied heavily on that week of Willy's illness) and she posts a lot about animals needing homes. But bred dogs need homes too, don't they?

I let some anger out on the way to church this morning. I couldn't get my shoe buckled and I let my anger out. I have been so careful with that. I used to have a bad anger problem and I am scared of letting it out...what I might do. But I know it's there. The unfairness. Why, why, why? I want my baby back! He was only 8! This wasn't supposed to happen! I should have done more! Why didn't I notice something was wrong and bring him in! Guilt, guilt, guilt!

We are getting organized for a short camping trip, at least that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I still don't feel quite right but will do what I can. The thoughts of Willy fill my head...not making room for him in the back of my SUV when I pack up breaks my heart. But it doesn't take much to break my heart right now.

These are just a few pictures...I finally got them resized. The first one is when Willy was just a couple of years old but it's kind of his "official" picture. The second is about the same time...special picture with my son. The third and fourth were taken just last March. You can see the difference in my now grown son. I used that picture for my son's 18th birthday invitations and notecards just last May. The fourth picture is the whole family. My poor cat was scared to death. She is strictly an indoor cat and taking her to church for pictures almost did her in but she made it. That is this year's Christmas picture. It makes me so mad that it now has to have a footnote to it. Next is just me and my Willy, taken last year. Right now it is my profile picture on FB. The last just shows how much he loved to run and play. He was like a puppy until the end...always running and jumping and playing. And yes, he was the most beautiful dog.
For...
My dearest Sheltie Willy: January 11, 2006 ~ July 17, 2014

My beloved kitty Andy: May 5, 1985 ~ February 15, 2006 
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MurphysMom_0831
Your pictures of Willy are absolutely beautiful. How wonderful to have had them taken so that they're so professional. I wish I'd thought of that for Murphy. I'm so glad you posted them so we can see more of that beautiful boy who's playing with our furbabies. He is just gorgeous!

I've let my anger out many times since Murphy passed. I imagine my neighbors have heard me on a few occasions as well as other drivers who probably thought I was nuts. I don't care. Murphy was 9-1/2 and should have had more years, too. The grief and unfairness of it all boils to the surface and just blows. It's probably better to get it out than hold it in.

Speaking about adopting, Murphy was from a breeder in Alabama, Spencer from a breeder in Georgia, both Golden Retrievers.  I want another adult Golden, at least 3 years old. I love them and am familiar with them. Here in Florida there are many Golden Retriever rescues and when I'm ready, that's where I'm getting the next one. Are there any Sheltie rescues near where you live? It seems like it would be the best of both worlds. Just a thought.

Thank you again for letting us see Willy's pictures. It's easy to see why you love and miss him so.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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