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Bigcatsdad
I know the feeling,
When I come home every day and I look over at the couch at Albert's favorite blanket and expect to see him there and to walk over and welcome me home, it's just the little urn with his ashes. I don't break down and cry now like I used to but it still makes me a little sad. I think his spirit drops by the house once in a while just to have a look and see if everything is OK.
I don't know if you have read my original post "My Heart Is Broken" but I have a few more pictures of the big guy on there. I think that's probably been bumped to about the 6th forum page now but I will probably do another post when the three month anniversary hits, I usually post a little note to the big guy.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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butters_mom

Yep, I've read everyone’s stories, the good thing about this forum is when you see so many grieving the loss of their little furbabies you realize yours being taken was “nothing personal,” i.e., the universe isn’t punishing you for some unknown crime (I honestly felt this way when Butters died), it's just a part of being on this planet (though it still sucks big time). Mello and Cherub never “cuddled” together the way your two kitties did, while that always made me sad now I’m kind of glad they didn’t as Mello’s grief would probably be through the roof. While he’s started to spend more time outside the igloo he’s begun crying more than usual, I worry he may start suffering physically if he can’t handle the grief. When Butters died, Cherub got a urinary tract infection a few weeks later, while she wasn’t attached to either of them my vet did say losing one of her companions (whether she was bonded with them or not) could have been enough of a stressful event to cause the UTI. It worries me because I don’t know if I’d even figure out he was sick (recall I could count on Cherub going in the tub when she was suffering from a UTI).

Ugh, I miss her so much. I love my little boy, but this place is awful without her (I think he’d agree).

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Bigcatsdad
Even with a second kitty left in the house it's still not the same with Albert gone, he was such a character and I still miss him so much. Now with the days getting nicer the rising sun shines through the upstairs windows onto the floor. Albert used to stretch out after his breakfast outside of our bedroom door in the hall, cat napping in the warm sun. I walk out of the bedroom now and still expect to see him there stretched out but I know he's gone.
Keep giving Mello extra attention and love, you can help each other navigate through the second week.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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butters_mom
No, it's definitely not the same, there will always be something "off" (was still struggling with this four years after losing Butters). Every time I walk into my bedroom I think I see her sleeping there on my bed, my bedroom plays tricks on me as it's rather dark in there so her pillow bed always has a black shadow inside, looks just like she's there. She had a very quiet presence (spent 99.99% of her time sleeping) yet she gave my life a certain comfort and warmth (both of which are sorely lacking). Lying in bed and glancing over to see her sleeping there made me feel like all was right with the world. And as soon as I'd touch her she'd start purring. Ugh, how I miss hearing her purr, it was the sound that I woke up to every morning. As you've probably guessed, Mello's not much of a purr kitty. I don't recall him sleeping as much previously as he has these past two weeks, I guess he just doesn't want to face not seeing her. He'd usually "hang out" awake and alert while she was napping, either on my bed or sitting on the windowsill or the chair with the view to the bird feeder, patiently waiting for her to get up, when she did he'd get all excited and hop down and follow her. He does seem to be improving, though, for example yesterday for the first time in two weeks he finally crawled into the pillow bed and went to sleep, not once but twice. He didn't stay too long either time (like I said, he's probably realizing it's not very comfortable), but it was nice to see that little bit of "normal" return...
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JulieF
He is grieving too and feels it from you.  I understand the special bond.  I had it with my Patch - but I am trying to give my other two extra love and attention right now.  

James - you and Albert had that special bond too.  I don't think that comes around too often and we feel it keenly when it is gone.

Hugs to both of you.
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Bigcatsdad

Albert napped a lot too and he liked his comfy places especially in his later years. Chloe and him used to change sleeping spots in the cat bed in front of the fire place and the one chair once in a while. One would use it for awhile and then they would trade off. Chloe purred a little but Albert was a purring machine. I know the feeling, I really miss his purrs, I can still hear and feel them. When he layed on my chest and purred you could feel it deep in your body. Chloe comes around a lot more for pets and attention. Quite often she jumps up in my lap as Albert used to when I'm watching TV and wants scratches and usually has a cat nap..
Glad Mello is improving, he'll slowly get better.
-Jeff

Bigcatsdad
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Bigcatsdad
I hope you and Mello are doing a bit better over the last little while and the weight of grief has lightened just a little.
It all takes time and it's not an easy journey.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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butters_mom
Thanks for posting again, Bigcatsdad. Yeah, I suppose the worst is over, the crying's subsided and I'm just left with the sadness. Mornings continue to be hardest, especially because now Mello doesn't even rise from his slumber to greet me for breakfast (again, makes me feel like I've gone from two kitties to none). He's retreated back into himself a bit, he finally abandoned the igloo and now spends most of his time sleeping in one of the baskets outside of my bedroom. At night when I get into bed he still hops up for a few minutes but where previously he was showing affection now he just kinda walks by me and then sits down over to the side, not really wanting to cuddle with me or anything. I've noticed there'll be that split second when he'll glance over at the pillow bed, then glance away (after sleeping in it a few times he's abandoned it). Then he'll jump off and leave the room. He's also not sleeping with me as much, so yeah I'm feeling pretty sad and alone now. I'm way overdue to change my bed sheets but am avoiding it because there are still a bunch of puppy pads under the fitted sheet, a sad reminder of her final days, I know that I'll probably break down when I see them.

It's hard to believe it's going to be one month on Friday, already feels like a year...=^..^=
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LaGata
I know how you are feeling.  My baby's gone and the only thing l think about is not why but why not.  I'm 62, no family, nothing.  I'm here because I still have LaGata's younger sisters.  They are 15 yrs old.  I don't know how much time I've got left with them.  It's hard, as they don't age as we do.  They still look like youngsters to me.  I don't have any smart sayings or words that bring comfort.  But know you are not alone!
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JulieF
Hi everyone - Butters mom - I am glad you are feeling better but I understand about the last memories and getting rid of them.  I still have Patch's special area set up for him even though it has been a month.  My other two cats are not lap cats like Patch was and will not sit with me for the amount of time he would so I understand how you feel.  

LaGata - I hope you are feeling better as well.  Your point about them not aging as well is right - give them as much love as you can.  My two are 16 and 14 and I am trying to do the best I can, as are you.

Alberts dad - Thank you for continuing to post to this site.  I enjoy reading your posts - you have some great words of wisdom and you have provided comfort to many others who are grieving, while going through grief yourself.  Your bond with Albert was special and he will always be with you.

Bless you all.  
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butters_mom
Thx, LaGata and JulieF, like everyone says we've just gotta enjoy them day by day and not dwell on the future, although of course that's easier said than done. I finally changed the sheets this morn, tried not to think about the puppy pads as I removed them... 🙁
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Bigcatsdad
Yes I know the feeling.
It took along time to vacuum and clean the house. Albert's fur was in a lot of places and I felt like cleaning would somehow erase his presence. I eventually did clean and vacuum, I know it didn't erase him as his spirit is still there. I still haven't washed his favorite blanket though. It's still on the couch. Chloe still naps on it beside his urn once in a while. At some point I will wash it but just not quite ready right now. Even after almost 13 weeks Chloe still looks for him in the upstairs bedrooms once in a while. I still think she misses him and expects him to come walking around the corner too. She was sleeping in our bed almost every night but she's gone back to coming up to say hi and then sleeping in her comfy spots down stairs again. She does come up every morning though to remind us it's breakfast time, just like the big guy used too 🙂  The grief isn't as bad but it's still not the same and a little sad without him. He was such a big friendly guy.
Yes the little ones that are still here we have to enjoy and love and enjoy every day.
Hopefully when all of this Covid 19 craziness comes to an end it will give a chance to clear a persons mind and be able to take a clear breath and lift the spirit.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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butters_mom
I actually think the shutdown helped a bit, it feels like the world stopped to grieve with me, when Butters died I posted how much it angered me that the world was just carrying on like everything was normal while I was falling apart, I wanted to shout at the world to please stop and just acknowledge my baby was gone, well I kinda got that this time and it really did help a wee bit in an odd sort of way...
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Bigcatsdad
I never thought of this whole shutdown that way but you are right. Going through such a horrible loss and heart break the world keeps turning and moving on. We are left with the crushing weight of grief that bogs us down while the world carries on. With the world kind of on pause right now, it's like it has paused to grieve with us.
Bigcatsdad
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