cleopatra

I went out and adopted a 9 year old rescue lab mix 3 months after my dog died.  I just missed Cleo so much and wanted something to love and take away the grief.  However she makes me miss Cleo more than ever!  I find myself thinking about all the gentleness of Cleo.  See my adopted dog has issues.  Obviously she was severely neglected.  She was transported from the South and has been in 4 different homes since April.  She has severe seperation anxiety and tried jumping out the 2nd story window.  Now when I leave, which is rarely we have to crate her and she just barks and freaks out.  I told the rescue league, before I adopted her,  that I would be going away in AUgust for 2 weeks and my husband would be caring for her.  They said she would be all settled in.   However they never told me she had seperation anxiety.  She also attacked my other dog when she walked by her bone and I had to seperate them.  She also actually snapped at my husband last night when he tried to get her off the couch.  She obviously needs a lot of love and attention.  But I think I bit off more than I can chew and when I was in tears over her attacking my dog my sister said to me.  People do all sorts of things when they grieve.  I just wish my head was clearer when I made the decision.  Because it is not something you can just change your mind about once you make a committment.  Just a cautionary tale............

Jennifer Swanton
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spiritdog
I am so sorry, I know you must be backpeddling with your decision. I hope with time that it will all work out, with a lot of work on your part.

I have always had a dog, so usually I get another because of the loneliness of everything a dog offers, and am always disappointed with my choice......AT THE BEGINNING that is.

You are starting all over from scratch. That is the hard part.

I lost my dog 2 weeks ago, and the grief is large and very raw. But I did look at the local HS here, at dogs and cats, but no one "spoke" to me, and that was ok. I've even looked at Clist too. But those dogs definitely will have problems given people are just throwing them away ie "I don't have time", "I am moving", etc......

I do understand that the weight of grief can get to heavy, just too much and you want it to STOP.

My dog Side who I am grieving over immensely right now, well, I didn't like him after I got him 13 years ago. Didn't like him at all, felt I made a mistake, etc............

13 years later I love him with all my heart, and live with a tear stained face every day.

It will get better...........
"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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wayne
Sorry guys for the losses of your dogs. I also have been wrestling with the idea of getting another pet . I do miss having
A pet around . Its been over a month now . Before I can take care of and give the attention and love to that an innocent animal deserves I have to get through this grieving process. The people here have told me to take it slow. I know while grieving or missing my little Bandit I'm not capable of makeing an intelligent decision . Some times I think if I had another ferret running around here I would feel better .that's the problem wanting to bring something in my home to stop my pain .
When I decide to share my life with another ferret I want it to be for the right reason.
Hang in there Jennifer nothing can take the place of our ones who have crossed over .
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AnaMarie
You know, it's a personal decision as to whether one should get another pet soon after the loss of a beloved pet. However, it does seem to me that it might not be the best thing to get another pet to "replace" a beloved pet. You wouldn't have another child to "replace" a child. You have lots of love to give and you want to give that love. That would be the right reason. Also, I tend to think that the Universe will "present" a dog to me if and when it wants me to have one. I am an older person now and I don't want a beloved pet to outlive me. 
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cleopatra
I definately did not get my dog to replace the other. I knew from the beginning that nothing and no dog could replace Cleo. I love my new adopted dog but I definately think it was too soon because I still cry for her loss. I just don't know how you know. This dog will need all my love and attention and it is a gift that is given by the love my Cleo gave to me and now I shall give to another..... Thanks for the support!
Jennifer Swanton
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spiritdog
I don't believe anyone that comes here would think of "replacing" a pet. Only the ignorant people who have never had this kind of love, this kind of companionship would think or say that.

It is the lack of loving someone, the lack of someone loving you, with all your faults, baggage, and grief. No one to walk with, no one to go on that car ride errand with, no one to say "hi I am so happy your home" when you walk in the door, no one to pet and touch, no one who depends on you for everything.

I know you knew what you were doing, it is still just hard.

Fingers crossed each day gets just a little easier by a minute.

As far as "outliving" a pet? I had already made arrangements for Sidekick's care if something happened to me. I had a bank account with anothers' name on it so his care would be paid for, I had a person who agreed to take him if I died, I had a card in my wallet by my license that gave instructions how to take care of him (medical), and I had a copy of instructions with my will and trust.

You can have a pet you outlive, just make arrangements for them.
"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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cleopatra
Thanks you know there are so many dogs that are in shelters because our pets outlive us.  It's good that you have taken those measures.  My Mim lives in a retirement community and most adopt older dogs.  There are so many that just need love.  I know I made a descision based on grief but I promise to my pet that I will love, protect and care for her as long as I live..........  She 9 and has never had the kind of love that I gave to my pets.....  She deserves that, they all do....
Jennifer Swanton
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spiritdog
I know older dogs have a lot to give. It is a personal choice also. I definitely don't need or want a puppy, but I also know that it is not in me to adopt an older dog right now. With age comes medical issues, and I have just finished caring non stop for my 3 friends for 3 solid years and they had severe medical issues. My world revolved around them. My cat had renal failure, my poodle a diabetic, sidekick had cushings, diabetes, hypothyroid, chronic bronchial disease, high BP, Alopecia X, severe arthritis, etc....

If and when I adopt another dog, I'd like to have a few good years of their good health, and yes I understand an animal can be sick at any time, but the odds are not in your favor the older the pet. That is just my thinking, everyone is different. I love older dogs, they are so wise, ........call me selfish for wanting a younger healthy dog if and when I ever get one.
"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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BraveHeart
I don't think you are selfish at all for wanting a few good years with your companion. I understand exactly how you feel. We lost our little cattle dog Ivy, 4 months ago, but she had health issues for several years. It all started when she was only 6-7 of age, so we didn't consider her old at all when her health started changing. 

We loved her and cared for her and we changed a lot of the things we do so that it would be easier on her. I'd do it all over again in a minute. Now we have a second dog, younger, healthy. I will do the same for him if and when the time comes. But right now it is a nice break to just watch him, enjoy him and admire his vitality.
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maddy79
I know it is a big "don't" in the grieving process, but not all rules apply all the time. I did the same thing when my first dog died. I was not in so much pain as I am now, because I didn't feel guilt at all, but it was still very bad. I had reached a point when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, and thought I needed another soul to look after, felt like I had so much love to give and nobody to give it to. So 3 months after he died, I got Terry (who died in January). I think a common misconception is that if you get another dog you'll forget the old one or you force yourself to accept what happened when you're not ready. But the truth is, you don't, these things don't just go away, you can't cheat grief. What happens is you make a new bond, you help another soul to have a better life, and that in itself is healing. So I don't think you should beat yourself up so much, you did nothing horrible, and it will be helpful for both of you.
It took several years for me to be ok again btw. I remember because I had met a poor family who had a dog and I was ready to give Billy's collar away.
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heartsick
I think you must speak with your vet and not the rescue about your new baby.
Separation anxiety is not uncommon but she also has some aggression issues
that stem to stem from fear from what you say. Your vet needs to do a complete
medical workup including bloods, heart, lungs, thyroid, and possibly x-rays to
rule out anything medical that would make her act in a certain way due to feeling uncomfortable.
Then I would call in a veterinary behaviorist, if your vet does not know one then phone the
24 hour emergency hospital and they will most likely know one. Working to slowly integrate
your new family member into the family with love and gentleness is very important
for this baby's future. She does not seem to have had a very secure start in life and some of her behavior is
because she is not sure who is the leader of her pack and/or how long she will be a member of this pack and/or
where she fits into the pack. She is very frightened. I know that at only 3 months after losing Cleo you are still grieving
but someone has dumped off this precious baby as unwanted and that caused the separation anxiety and then the next owners
did not commit to the life of this little one but also dumped her. She is afraid she won't get more food or toys or just where
she fits into everything. It takes time and patience and gentleness and love to make her feel at home. Maybe you can
postpone your vacation and work with your new baby instead so she begins to feel that she is living with some stability
in her life from now on until forever.
I am here for you if you need anything else - always.
I crate all my babies when I leave the house. I put a tiny bit of organic peanut butter on a Nylabone (the only thing they are permitted when I am not in the room) and leave them with their blankies and the Nylabone and an old T-shirt of my Dad's that I have slept in and has my scent on it.
My Love to You.
Susan


p.s. - there are sedatives and medications that can be used in VERY extreme cases but ONLY as a last resort. You do not want to drug your dog unless she is ill and needs medication. They are all processed through the liver and you said she is 9 years old so Loving her is more important.
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cleopatra
Thanks Susan for all the advice.  I think lot's of love.... and she's already part of the family.  Cleo will always be my special baby and no dog will ever replace her but my new dog deserves all the attention she can get.  Thanks for taking the time to write all the suggestions.
Jennifer Swanton
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julieandfurbabies
You are not selfish at all.  YOu sound as if you have a big heart and you need to share the love that you have.  CLeo has send you a furbaby to love and honour her x
Love Julie x
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