Today  I feel numb. I cried a little. I’m feeling guilty that I feel so numb. I’m staring at his beds in the kitchen and living room and none of these feels real. It’s doesn’t feel like my home. The silence  is the worst. Not hearing his bark, the tap of his nails, his whine, scratching. None of it is here. The noise he brought to our house made this a home. The silence makes me feel like I’m in a Depressing, hopelessness  waiting room. He filled this house with love, he brought the joy, he made us a family. Now we’re alone. Our family unit is broken. I can’t even make dinner, because not having you here at my feet or barking for food while we at the table is more than I can bear. So I eat toast or fruit. But I can’t bring myself to make a meal in that kitchen without you because the pain of realizing you’ll never be here for another meal is more than my mind or body can bear. 
Laraine Esposito 
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Oh I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry you feel so sad.  I feel the same.  It’s been 8 weeks and I still feel sad and guilty and miss Pecan so much.  I can’t stop thinking about her last night.  How happy and healthy she was when she woke up
and how things changed and she left us whitin 8 hours.  I can’t believe she was the most loving dog in our neighborhood but was the first one to
go.  Not that I wish anything bad for other dogs but I get so sad when I hear and see the other dogs and owner going for their morning and evening walks but Pecan is no longer here so we can join them.  I know how you feel but please be kind to yourself and give yourself time.  I know I need to learn that.  The guilt of not being able to save her is killing me.  So many what ifs in my head, what if I took her sooner, what if I did something different, is it my fault, how could I miss it.  She was my soulmate I can’t believe I failed her on her last day.  

he’s right there beside you.  I know we miss their fur suit but he’s right there with you.  I’m praying for you.  Sorry for all the grammar and spelling mistakes.  I can’t stop crying when I write about pecan and read everyone stories. 

take care,



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MaxsMom2 wrote:
The silence  is the worst. Not hearing his bark, the tap of his nails, his whine, scratching. None of it is here. The noise he brought to our house made this a home.

Oh I feel so you much... it has only been 36 hrs for us and the silence is the worst part about this. He was the most talkative cat anyone has ever met, he meowed constantly and his brother is shy, has a much softer voice who doesn't meow much. We came home from leaving him at the vet for cremation and the house was just so so so quiet that we kept breaking down because of it. When my partner went to fix us some dinner he broke down and cried silently because dusk would follow his pa around and demand food or cuddles or someone to talk at all the time. my partner had become so used to it. I don't know how I will ever get over this silence.  
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Don't feel guilty about feeling numb, it's a natural part of the process. I can definitely relate to you not wanting to make or eat a proper meal: since my dog died, I haven't had the heart to actually cook and I'm just eating leftovers. It's hard being in the kitchen and cooking without having my baby next to me, looking at me with his big caramel eyes, in hopes of getting some of it. 
Stay strong, you will get through this
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I can feel your pain. Not feeding her every morning. All the noises from her nails to her trying to get into something she souldnt. From not giving her the last bits of table scraps. Waking up to use the restroom and trying not to wake her. Making sure I don’t kick her as she sleeps at my feet. All the things I never put much thought into but now I’d do anything to have back. It has always been just me and her in this house. So I have to get used to me being the only sound. 
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