I’m just numb. I haven’t been posting as much because I’ve been busy with college. I transferred to a new university to finish my bachelors. I love my new college. I’ve meet amazing people who are supporting me. But I have been struggling in my classes. I’m too depressed to sometimes ever go to class. I have treatment resistant depression for 5 years now. Treatment and meds don’t work for me. Losing Yuki strengthen my depression. Especially when I lost him 2 weeks before I started college.

I lost my sweet Yuki a month ago. I’m not crying everyday like I did a month ago. When I do cry, I can’t stop. Since I’m not crying everyday, I feel like I’m holding in all my feelings until a break down. I miss Yuki so much. It’s so unfair. He was so young. He’ll be 4 in November. He was supposed to grow old with me and my siblings. People say it was his time to go and helped my family in every way. But why was it his time? It’s so unfair! He’s only 4? I am in a Facebook group for owners of bichons. They share how their bichons live up to 15 to even 18 years old. Why couldn’t my family and I have that with Yuki? It’s so unfair. I can’t stop saying that. I wish I can go back to the day where he got hit by a car from a hit and run. I would do everything so much differently. I wish I did not set up that appointment to his groomers. I should’ve done the earlier time like I was supposed to but I didn’t. If I set up that earlier appointment, he would not have been hit in the parking lot in front of his groomers. I want nothing more to hug him and hold him. I want to feel his fluffy fur again. I just want him back. I’ll do anything to have yuki back in my arms again.
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Dear kmayo99, I am so sorry about that tragic accident that took your dear Yuki from this world.

I understand the awful feelings about what happened on that day, and how you wish you could go back and do everything differently.

Yes it is so unfair.

But it wasn't your fault. How could you have known? You were trying to do your best for Yuki, then some unforeseen thing came and he was taken. It was not your fault.

Yuki will always love you and I know for a fact they don't blame us for any "mistakes" we think we have made. All they care about is the love that lasts forever, and the connection they have with us.

A month since he passed is a really short time, and of course your grief is very deep. You will feel so sad. Bless you and may you find that the everlasting love you share with Yuki may bring a little peace to your heart sometimes even though he isn't with you physically, his Soul will be with you. Talk to him, and remember your love.
They sense us. My Misty showed me that.

I am so sorry for what happened.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Thank you for your kind words. It truly means a lot.
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Dear Kmayo99, I'm sorry for your tragic loss. Our stories our similar. The neighbor told me my cat was hit by car. Only 5 1/2 yrs old. Still young. Def unfair. I didn't even get to see her body. By the time I got back I was told the munici6had taken her away. I too have that what if thoughts. What if I had done laundry earlier that day? Maybe she would still be here. We shouldn't dwell on those thoughts though. I'm sorry Yuki's gone. I'm sorry abt how it happened. I understand your pain.
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Kmayo99, I am so sorry to hear about Yuki. We can all empathize with you about your grief and your feelings of guilt as well. It is not your fault at all. You were being responsible by taking him to a groomer, no one could know what would happen. It was a horrible accident, and you are right - it wasn't fair at all.

It's been about a week and a half for me, and I also struggle to concentrate and have crying spells. I fervently hope it gets better for you. It is evident from your post that you really care for your Yuki. And you always will. I hope you continue to use the forum as you need to when you are struggling. Everyone here is supportive and can make sure you know you aren't alone.
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